another day..

the calender will go to 2007 in a few hours. it'll be just another day for me.

days are pretty much the same no matter the date on the calender. dawn to dusk. night to day. same amount of time in each day. we put importance into dates. i guess so that we can kind of remember the important things and people once in awhile.

anyway..the past year have been rather kind, all in all. thank God.

i'm still pretty much the same. but i have more to look forward to and to work for i guess. more to learn and to share. more to strive for and to live for. onwards..!

with God's grace, may the coming year be kind.

christmas 2006

today is christmas. a special day by any accounts. today i am to be baptised.

been preparing for it months ago. going through lessons. reading and thinking about the bible. what it means to me and do i believe.

i believe. i have felt God and i have faith.

past months have been normal in most sense. been happier, due to various reasons. but at the same time, i've been more stressed due to other reasons.

alot to rant about, but there's never enough time to bother. much have happened and i have changed much i feel.

but more about me another time.

today..we celebrate the birth of a King..! a God..! the birth..of our salvation..!

me?

i kinda agree..heh.

and of the greatest

if I give all i possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, i gain nothing.
1 Cor 13:3

egypt

Sekhmet Observant, authoritative, indulgent, moral and witty. Colors: male: green, female: turquoise Compatible Signs: Bastet, Geb Dates: July 29 - Aug 11, Oct 30 - Nov 7 Role: Goddess of war and vengeance Appearance: Lion-headed woman with the sun over her head Sacred Animal: lion What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign? Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

another liner

who you truely are..is measured by your actions and intent.

1 -ner

it's the mystery that endures. not the explanation.

sometimes

often enough, i have thought of somethings to blog about. but, somehow, when i get home and settle infront of the monitor, i don't have the urge anymore.

life have been..as it have been. ups and downs and left right center. things go along and i'm playing catch up, of sorts. trying to do what i think is right and good. dong what i can.

thank God, that i, at least, can do so. and know so.

things are fine. pretty happy with most of my life. just some parts that needs to get sorted out. to prod along and get into action and hopefully things go well and as expected..and if not..well..life goes on and will just do what i can.

lots of problems in the world to complain about. but those that i can help make better or make a change are few. but here are some which irks me much.
-air conditioners. draws energy, damage the temperarture equilibrium of our surroundings which in turn affects the climate. and make us more prone to artificial conditions and less able to withstand normal weather.
-head lights. ever been blinded by 'high' normal beam lights? the amount of cars on the roads that are doing so, seems to be increasing. momentarily blinding drivers, pedestrians and whoever in the way. it's dangerous and ridiculus. why do people do it, i really don't understand. don't these assholes know what the low and high beams are for? as a person waiting for buses everyday, i get blinded maybe 30-50 times daily. what if i go blind or my eyesight worsens because of these fuckers? damn the demon spawn who started this madness.
-general lack of civl-mindedness. people don't give seats to old people or child bearing people. people don't wait for others to alight before charging into the mrt..even though it makes their charging less cluttered. people who just spit at every corner of the street. people who just throw whatever rubbish wherever. people who drive without signalling, weren't they taught that it may cause accidents?

sad world outside. dumb like ass TV programs. nonsensical pop songs that bring retarded messages. safe avenues seems to only be books and perhaps some games.

perhaps i'm just feeling old and worn and too aged for this society.

time of my life

another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

so make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

it's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

it's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
i hope you had the time of your life.

so take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

hang it on a shelf
in good health and good time.

tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

for what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

it's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
i hope you had the time of your life.

again this time comes. thank you my love. <3

break

been pretty long since i had some coherant post.

not that it's going to start soon..some rants.

little india. place where people like to walk on the road even though the pavements are almost empty. irritating to say the least. slow down traffic and endanger themselves.

people in general. don't care about anything except themselves. sad case. people rush to board trains and don't let people come out first. people don't signal when driving, causing inconvenience to others and potentially causing accidents. after having accident, let your freaking piece of shit stay in the middle of the road and jam the entire expressway. people in general == fucturd.

some scientist. don't give a damn about what they do when making reports. false reports. climate change. warming of our planet's atmosphere. all they care about is money lining their own pockets. so what if their grand children will die a horrible fate, if earth survives that long. so what if people just wants to sell cars and oil and pollute the world to extinction. giving reports that goes in the face of all the facts and figures..how in the world?!?! and the worst thing..? people believe them regardless of the rest of the reports floating around. 90%->global warming is a fact. 10%->there is no such thing. we are just going through a normal cycle of climate change. i would gladly twist their necks off ther heads. and feed their body to fishes.

back to local zone. no longer TM. glad in a way. pissed in a way. i have not been there all the time, that's my fault. i have not been given proper authority and been over ridden more than once, what lies people tell with straight faces. good that now i no longer handle the old kids. they cause me more increase in blood pressure than all my young kids adds up.

aas are handling things they have no freaking experience about. have no idea about and have no freaking grip on. they think they know what they are doing? go ahead.

God's grace, mercy and love. i need you, my Lord. more and more each passing hour.

some quiz

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

sometimes

fixed the taggy thingy.

i'm glad i am me. mostly. =)

and God is merciful and gracious.

some thoughts going around..but i should sleep.

shatter

too late. and out of my hands.

the past haunts us. be careful what you do..it may make you regret down this road of life.

it's so tough to be good. i want to be..but it's so painful.

i leaped..God..catch me please. don't let me fall..not this time.

time of our life

another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
so make the best of this test, and don't ask why
it's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
i hope you had the time of your life.

so take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
for what it's worth it was worth all the while

it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
i hope you had the time of your life.

enjoy the ride. God..help. why?why?why?

news

or something like it.

after reading and crawling the internet for years..(around 11 years now.)i think around 30-40% of the things i read are untrue/mis-represented/mis-quoted or simply fabricated.

news lines usually have their slant on things. either cause of sponsorships, editors own opinion or even playing down some facts regarding the 'news'.

no one is unbaised. no one is totally neutral. we are humans..we have our likes and dislikes. so everything that goes through somebody, will have it's 'warp'. statistics, as i learnt in school, can be played around to show what you want to show. stories, by using particular words, can have certain angle on it. footages, after editting, can totally mis-represent an event.

all these are nothing compared to backstabbing and bad-mouthing from people around you to others around you. intentionally or not, they harm people directly. i am not innocent of it..sadly. i have my opinion, and when people ask, i tell.

guess people are quick to find faults and shout out the wrongs of others. while they whisper their own sins.

don't listen, believe and be convinced so easily. think and find out on your own before coming to conclusion about anything.

half-truths are not true.

insanity seems like a good idea

i feel like a got alot to blog about. but i don't know what to say.
i feel like i really hit it this time. but i think it's just another step.
what have i done wrong? what else could i do?
is it that hard? why don't i know anymore?
can somebody tell me why..?
i have given up so much and still i am here.
what more can i do? i never seem to get what i want.
what is wrong?

we have too many foreigners. it's fucking irritating.
they are human too. but why must they be so fuckturd..!?

aircon will kill us. it's heating up the world while cooling your fucking room. STOP USING AIR CON..!! at the very least use it at the right temperature. cool your room..not make it a freaking freezer. do that then you fall sick..then you use more power and heat the world more.
FUCTURDS.

how much more can i take? of this insane world. where people are more conerned about nothing of their concern.

some logic

a. winner don't quit.
b. quitters don't win.
c. those who never quit and never win are idiots.

statement a. ok.
statement b. ok.

statement c. . .erm..well..if they quit..they won't win. if they win..why would they quit. anytime they quit..they won't have chance to win. so how are they idiots?unless that's like when they die. before that..they could be winner who have not won yet.

some logic. like fucked up logic. by SPs. and CHKs.

hmm..

My score on The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test:

**************************************

the Questioner
(Thanks for taking the test !)

"you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family,
friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved
and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me


Be direct and clear.

Listen to me carefully.

Don't judge me for my anxiety.

Work things through with me.

Reassure me that everything is OK between us.

Laugh and make jokes with me.

Gently push me toward new experiences.

Try not to overreact to my overreacting.


What I Like About Being a Six


being committed and faithful to family and friends

being responsible and hardworking

being compassionate toward others

having intellect and wit

being a nonconformist

confronting danger bravely

being direct and assertive


What's Hard About Being a Six


the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind

procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence
in myself

fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger

wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right

being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations



Sixes as Children Often



are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and
stubborn

are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger

form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent


look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority
and rebel

are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families,
and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent



Sixes as Parents


are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty

are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

worry more than most that their children will get hurt

sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries


**************************************

Take it!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6711512663497470889

these days

i was walking around, just a face in the crowd
trying to keep myself out of the rain
saw a vagabond king wear a styrofoam crown
wondered if i might end up the same
there's a man out on the corner
singing old songs about change
everybody got their cross to bare, these days

she came looking for some shelter with a suitcase full of dreams
to a motel room on the boulevard
guess she's trying to be James Dean
she's seen all the disciples and all the "wanna be's"
no one wants to be themselves these days
still there's nothing to hold on to but these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days - are fast, love don't last in this graceless age
there ain't nobody left but us these days

jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
from a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
his momma said he was crazy - he said momma "i've got to try"
don't you know that all my heroes died
and i guess i'd rather die than fade away

these days - the stars seem out of reach
but these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the morning train
and there ain't nobody left but us these days

i know Rome's still burning
though the times have changed
this world keep turning round and round and round and round
these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
but these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the morning train
and there ain't nobody left but us these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days - are fast, nothing lasts
there ain't no time to waste
there ain't nobody left to take the blame
there ain't nobody left but us these days

God, in your mercy defend us from all dangers and perils of these days.

Rod Steward

sometimes when we touch.

romance and all its strategy
leaves me battling with my pride
but through all the insecurity
some tenderness survives
i'm just another writer
still trapped within my truth
a hesitant prize fighter
still trapped within my youth

and sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and i have to close my eyes and hide
i want to hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry
i want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

mercy and grace. <3

a game of you

and loves dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves.
-Queen

many times in life we are focused on what we want. what problems we are facing and what can we do. what we want to have, to eat, to do.. it's mostly about ourselves. this is not wrong. it is good in many cases.

to achieve our dreams, to be who we want to be, to do what we want to make ourselves happy. it is very important to be focused and do what we desire.

but there are also alot of instances where importance must not be self-centered, else we fail. in a team game like soccer, everyone have their roles to play. if every player wants to score and be 'great' then the team will probably suck. in a family, if every member is only focused on their own wants and could not care about what the family members need and compromise, things will get ugly very soon. in love, where if the focus is only on what a person wants or think, then things will probably breakdown soon enough.

it's difficult for us selfish beings to think for others when we have desires to be sated. when we are not satisfied and happy yet, why should we care about others? because, in the end, it will bring about what you want. we should look ahead and think about situations where putting ourselves behind others is good for us.

if everyone play their part, the whole team, family will be better off. and ourselves, being part of it, benefits.

a game of you. graphic novel by Neil Gaiman.

Jesus said unto him, thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
this is the first and great commandment.
and the second [is] like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.[Mat 22:37-39]

love does change how we care about ourselves.

life and such

been bombarded on many sides of life at the moment.

feeling pressure on almost everything. i want to be better to be more. but i am only human. why don't i get the respite i need?

i am spent.

God. help.

hmm..=)

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Acts of Service:		8
Quality Time:		8
Words of Affirmation:		2
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

SECRET!!!

singapore's purpose of purchasing submarines..

to launch..
.
.
.
.
.FIREWORKS..!! FROM UNDER-WATER..!!
.
.
.
.
.
SECRET..!!

Law of God

the law of the LORD [is] perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD [is] sure, making wise the simple.

the statutes of the LORD [are] right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD [is] pure, enlightening the eyes.

the fear of the LORD [is] clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD [are] true [and] righteous altogether.

more to be desired [are they] than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.

moreover by them is thy servant warned: [and] in keeping of them [there is] great reward.

who can understand [his] errors? cleanse thou me from secret [faults].

keep back thy servant also from presumptuous [sins]; let them not have dominion over me: then shall i be upright, and i shall be innocent from the great transgression.

let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

有一点动心

男：我和你　男和女　都逃不过～爱情
谁愿意　有勇气　不顾一切付出真心

女：你说的　不只你　还包括我～自己
该不该再继续　该不该有回应　让爱一步一步靠近

男：我对你有一点动心　却如此害怕看你的眼睛
有那么一点点动心　一点点迟疑　不敢相信我的情不自禁

女：我对你有一点动心　不知结果是悲伤还是喜
有那么一点点动心　一点点迟疑　害怕爱过以后还要失去

合：难以抗拒 Oh～　人最怕就是动了情
虽然　不想不看也不听　却陷入爱里

合：我和你　男和女　都逃不过爱情
也许应该放心　让爱一步步靠近
ineviatable..

refuge

psalms 18

i will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
the LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God, my strength, in whom i will trust;
my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

peace be with you. <3

more theft

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	eight
your best quality is	you dont follow the crowd
your worst quality is	aww, nothing =)
this is because	you were born this way
Quiz created with MemeGen!

learning more

love.

it's not because of.

it's..
inspite of.
regardless of.
even if.

agape

could we?in our imperfection..

we can do our best and let God's grace guide us.

more and more i feel Your love. thank you with all my being.

back

and on a roll and SUPER tired..

had a great time in the cathedral the morning i came back. felt so much peace and love.=)

had a great time after that too.

had a great saturday, being with people i love and doing what i do best, i guess.

both my teams did pretty good. not as good as they can be, but pretty good.

and know that, you, yes you..makes me so proud. and happy.
you.. that so very special someone else.=)
if we can train more focusedly(sp) and put our minds into what we do, i'm very sure we can reach greater heights.

thank you all, for making me a happy man.

and now, i learn more about faith and what it means and what i can and should do. that simply made my weekend so very blessed.

lots to do, but i am willing to do. becuase i can make a difference. as long as i know my efforts and not wasted, but are valued and appreciated, i am a willing slave. to do my best for those around..spread the love. =)

seriously..faith, hope and love. and love is the greatest.

leaving..

again. on a big bus. hopefully.

i don't really like to travel. it's kind of nice to go new places and see new sights an meet new and old friends. but the time i miss back where i belong cannot be compensated. i'm a kind of stay home person..i guess.

bringing the team for a shoot. new management..how will we fare under a new captain guiding our ship? hmm..i wonder.

as i go along life, i think i learnt to let uncertainties be gone. God will guide me.

i worry also no use. i think too much also no use. leave it the my Maker.=) but that does not mean not doing my best. i do my part and leave the rest to Him.

guess i am more at peace. i have things i need to do. so do everyone.
let us be who we are and strive to be who we want to be.

starship-nothing's gonna stop us now

letting go..

is the hardest thing.

thank God for strength and love. for without i would crumble.

things we cherish and want, is hard to let go. hurts so badly. to take a cut, a step back, to stunt your own growth. it hurts..not physically, but mentally and somehow it feels bad and saddening.

but like a garden full of weeds. you need to remove some plants with the weeds, so that more flowers can grow properly. like a amputation of a infected part. if not removed, will cause the whole organism to die.

the right things are usually..not the easiest things to do.

but do them we must, if we know how.

doing it. i feel a mixture of feelings. sad. relieved. thankful. regret. angry. hopeful. scared. i know it's right, but i do have some fear in me. i know i want it to be wonderful and i must do this. it hurts and sadden me as it relieved me of stress and regret. but..for dreams of better tomorrows.

dream on. and keep faith.

faith, hope and love. and love is the greatest.

animal instinct

fear and anger.

whenever i feel threatened, or feel that things i cherish are threatened, i become fearful and paraniod. then i get angry and lash out.

it's not healthy. it's not good. need to be more rational when things become stressful.

God, i pray that you allow me strength to be better and by your grace, be wiser.

REO Speedwagon

i can't fight this feeling any longer
and yet i'm still afraid to let it flow
what started out as friendship, has grown stronger
i only wish i had the strength to let it show
i tell myself that i can't hold out forever
i said there is no reason for my fear
cause i feel so secure when we're together
you give my life direction
you make everything so clear

and even as i wander
i'm keeping you in sight
you're a candle in the window
on a cold, dark winter's night
and i'm getting closer than i ever thought i might

and i can't fight this feeling anymore
i've forgotten what i started fighting for
it's time to bring this ship into the shore
and throw away the oars, forever

cause i can't fight this feeling anymore
i've forgotten what i started fighting for
and if i have to crawl upon the floor
come crushing through your door
baby, i can't fight this feeling anymore

my life has been such a whirlwind since i saw you
i've been running round in circles in my mind
and it always seems that i'm following you, girl
cause you take me to the places that alone i'd never find

and even as i wander i'm keeping you in sight
you're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night
and i'm getting closer than i ever thought i might

and i can't fight this feeling anymore
i've forgotten what i started fighting for
it's time to bring this ship into the shore
and throw away the oars, forever

cause i can't fight this feeling anymore
i've forgotten what i started fighting for
and if i have to crawl upon the floor
come crushing through your door
baby, i can't fight this feeling anymore.

<3

i am..

You are ~Story Writing~
Take this quiz!

ok..interesting..=)

Bad English

sometimes i wonder
how i'd ever make it through,
through this world without having you
i just wouldn't have a clue

cause sometimes it seems
like this world's closing in on me,
and there's no way of breaking free
and then i see you reach for me

sometimes i wanna give up
i wanna give in,
i wanna quit the fight
and then i see you, baby
and everything's alright,
everything's alright

when i see you smile
i can face the world, oh oh,
you know i can do anything
when i see you smile
i see a ray of light, oh oh,
i see it shining right through the rain
when i see you smile
oh yeah, baby when i see you smile at me

baby there's nothing in this world
that could ever do
what a touch of your hand can do
it's like nothing that i ever knew

and when the rain is falling
i don't feel it,
cause you're here with me now
and one look at you baby
is all i'll ever need,
you're all i'll ever need

sometimes i wanna give up
i wanna give in,
i wanna quit the fight
and then i see you baby
and everything's alright,
everything's alright

so right...

ermm..

Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

another stolen quiz..muhahaha..!!

messy

room. heh.

now my room is messier than ever. not been cleaning up at all for like months. i mean got sweep floor and clean the desk and pack occasionally(read..almost never). but really..it's a huge mess.

some say your room represents like how messy or neat you are. i guess mine shows it pretty well. haha..whenever i am bogged down by work or whatever my room gets messier. like my mind..always churning things and not settled properly. guess not that bad, since i get things done and still enjoying life..

anyway..life's pretty normal these days. not been shooting and that's sianZ. but otherwise, i guess i am rather sated. things are just fine..doing work and all that.

new coach here, she's like awesome. teaching well, passionate and commited. role model for a coach. hope can emulate and learn from her..and be better myself.

and with new coach means, new stuff to do and more work for me. hope i get a pay raise..since my role is somewhat extended..but well..guess i'll do what i do as usual and hope for the best. sOo..far sOo..good..=)

is it beyond human to understand?

The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

on and on..

been busy, tired and slightly sick. though days been pretty good overall.
been coaching and doing paper work, so much that i don't have much time to train. then shot quite sianly for NUSIIAC. individual, i hoped to reach certain targets..but i failed. i tried everything..but i am just too weak. physical condition much needed. team event shot just ok, but should have been better..given what my team could do the last short distance shoot. but i guess we are all busy with other stuff now and not as prepared. oh well..life goes on..

nothing much happening in my life. been pretty alright and rather happy generally. though the past weeks have been tiring. camp took up days, trying to get well from sick took days. hai. not effective.

oh well..=)

all i can do is pray and keep faith.

there's something about you now
i can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you
-Lifehouse

weekend?

what weekend?

almost every weekend i am packed from morning to night. from saturday morning to sunday evening. it's totally no rest. no slack.

this weekend have been particularly trying and yet amazing in some sense. been more tired the whole of last week and saturday have a small respite since one school have cancelled training. then after that things went downhill. emotions and mood. affected by minor stuff then i let it run free and spoil the night by being spiteful and insensitive. after that i pretty much couldn't sleep and so..come sunday i was beat and had to work the whole day till around 1600. did not help my mood nor my physical condition. saving grace was that things became slightly better. then at service, which was special..!!, things started to seem to come around for the better. i couldn't stay awake for the entire service. =( so i left about half way through. though i went slightly early to sit in the knave and talked to God. after i left i went home to rest. still couldn't really rest as much was on my mind and in my heart. after calling and talking..i felt so much better though still having some reservations and fear. but before i slept i prayed and i felt and know that things will be fine.

God be my shepard, i shall not want.

rant and rant. but am very glad things are better now. hope i don't do stupid things so much.

no words seem enough. nothing seem enough. to show how much i appreciate you. but all i can do is to tell you..thank you. =)

saving grace

wishing you were
somehow here again..
wishing you were
somehow near..
sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would
be here..

thank you. my God, my Lord. thank you for showing me that faith in you can pull me through dark hours.

what a day..

blasted tiredness + insomnia.
nonsensical ranting in pre-dawn.
monotonous day at range.
falling asleep in service.
crapped up emotions.
bad news in some areas.

how bad can a day go?

i still need..

..a break.

non-stop. things go on and on. too many things to catch up on. unable to stay on top of them.

days come and days go.
don't know what the future holds.
afraid of what may come.
yet want so much more than just this.
feeling quite spent.
but still no respite from everything.

when can i just rest upon the green grass and gaze at the clouds go by? will you be there by my side?

another.

opinions are like assholes..everyone have them. sometimes it's better to keep them to yourself.

we all make mistakes.

suddenly

'it's not who you are inside, it's what you do that defines you.'
-Batman Begins.(though it began like super long ago.)

report

body : 2/10 tired, drains, weak and not really rested.
mind : 4/10 wandering, not much focus and tired.
heart : 3/10 tired. so much to want and so little energy to do.
soul : ?/10 God, i need you. more and more every passing moment.

i'll be Jobs. i'll keep faith and never forsake you. you..my God.

sleepless

somehow cannot sleep properly these days..

i mean not really tired at night and then the mind ticks away like a clockwork that's all wound up. mind just keeps on thinking about random stuff and all that.

i want to sleep to prepare for the next day..but somehow it's elusive. hmm.

somebody came back from overseas and am rather happy. hope to meet up and talk and catch up. someone who's not really close yet close enough to be frank and enjoy each other's life's story.=)

been quite alright these days. slight ups and downs. and more ups then down. sOo..yeah.

well..folks. hope everything's well for you people too.

be well, take care and God bless.

dreams

what dreams are made of..?

lots of hardwork and abit of luck.

all your best and God's grace.

all in all

life is such..unpredictable and strange yet have all the makings of a drama.

as is said..theatre mirrors life. and the other way round too. too much going on in everyone's life and too little time to share and to enjoy life as is given. we all rush around like ants, scavenging for food and whatever that looks like qould please our bosses or something.

emotions bottled up most of the time and when it passes a threshold it all blows out and harm everyone around. guess that happens to alot of people. and it happen less to me now..but still as deadly i guess.

we are all allowed our own expressions and opinions though what we say and do can affect others as well. and then where does individual expression have a place in? where is the line that are to be drawn for self-expression and society's sensitivities'? what is acceptable and what is not?

i feel that everyone should have a certain amount of sensitivity to the issues at which they are expressing about and therefore exercise their own judgement to restrain what they are commenting on to objective facts. though by allowing individual to exercise their own judgement we come across idiots who say and do things that are hurtful/false/detrimental to society and what have you.

there are many things said about many things in many places. and alot of these are lies. and some are half-truths. how are we to know? who are we to trust?

this post have taken a turn into the below 5. but that was not my intention. sOo..here's an attempt to bring it back up.

we all have power to affect others and make a difference in people's lives. to make changes on this planet for better or worse. every decisions have repercusions and may not be totally known what it brings when we do certain things. but we are humans, how can we keep track of aall the variables in life? i guess we cannot and sOo..we go on in life doing our best and hope everything turns out well.

worry less and do your best. and everyone's best is different and so we should not compare to whaat otehrs can do or have did. though those comparison can be an inspiration. if it bring syou down more, why should you keep comparing and belittling yourself?

we are all different. special. let us be who we are and do our best to be who we want to be. let us shine..

be.

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

actually, who are you not to be?
you are a child of god. your playing small does not serve the world.
there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do.
we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us.
it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-poem by Marianne Williamson

heartfelt.

reel-

-ing.

i am still a boy. a freaking stupid boy.

very disappointed with myself.

but i am only human. i really don't like it when that happens. and i dont know what to do. bah..i'll get by. i'll survive. i'll do it.

drinking after midnight then trying to type is a slow process.

i don't know what to do. God..please take my life and giv me the wisdom to know what's right. it hurts me yet i don't want to hurt someone else.

man..such fragile creatures.

GOd

and man are meant to be flawed and to sin.

is life meant to be so difficult? is love?

i hate myself.

life

is a freaking twisted ironic bitch.

when shit falls. they fall all at once.

beast

i guess i am one. cause..

when i am angry with someone..something..i am certainly not nice. not nice at all, yes sir.

i can be nice and generous. polite and courteous. kind and giving. BUT..if anyone, anything threatens things/people i care about..i become angry. and that is not very conducive for health. one way or another.

anyway. beasts, when cornered become enraged and fight back with their life. what say even man. sOo..don't push people the a corner and expect them to roll over and die. they don't. usually.

i'm am still me. still here. be well.

one time..

angry now.

couldn't decide i was disappointed, sad or angry. now i know..i am angry.

if you don't know..don't ask.

if you never learn, then you'll never grow. up. or out of it. stop. now.

what more damage you want to do? don't you know. have you not learnt? there are no secrets. especially online.

what you think you know?you know nothing. and you assume. again. and again. and still again.

there is nothing anyone. can. do. for. you. it's you. who got to grow. to change. to live!

if you don't pull your head out of the hole. you'll never see what the world have to show you.

angry. doesn't cut it anymore. i was angry. i was pissed. i was disappointed. i was sad. i was sorry. i was concerned. i was trying to do what i could to help. now. i am angry.

what does it take to wake you up? what will it take to make you stand up and be who you can be? instead of living in a dream?!

omg. if anything goes bad. i'll never never ever forgive you.

you. don't. even. know. half. of. it.
what others go through. went through. you think you know? grow up!

if i could scream like i want to. earth will shatter.

..is enough.

it's all.. ..

heart. from where emotions are felt. somehow.

scientifically, it's all in the mind. but somehow when you are hurt, your heart aches. maybe it's cultural conditioning. maybe it's not. but anyhow..it's there that feels that pain and it's there that feels full and warm.

let me be an instrument. and my life shall be full in your eyes.

by helping others i am feeling good about myself. in a way, that's not very good. i can get hurt so easily that way. but i guess in my life, what matters to me are those around me whom i care and love. and it's not about the short term. i hope we are all in it for the long haul. then we stay friends and encourage each other. see each other through ups and downs. do what's best for everyone around. that's the best case senario.

no one can be perfect. we can only do what we can.
measure against ourselves and improve upon that.

you're in my heart.

suicided

thought about doing this long before and often. never thought it'll come to this and if it did..i wouldn't.

but i did.

God..if it's the right thing to do. please let the pain make me stronger.

for eleven years..i dreamt. i fought. i tried. now i give it up.

truthfully i did not fare well. others who came after me did much better. i still kept faith and did my best. i do all i can. ups and downs. lost many other things cause of my devotion to this.

i guess it comes to this. what i want in my life? dream. i cannot do so many things. i tried and i really got over stretched and cannot do anything well. stressed up and tired. sick and losing motivation.

after thinking hard and all that..i decided to help others. and give up my own dream.

it was a step closer to take to my dreams. i stopped and pulled others before me. propelling them faster..sacrificing my inertia.

i hope it's the right thing to do. then my pain will be worth it.

_dea

huh? read and think. then you'll know. i hope. for your sake. no, not the japanese rice wine.

hope that life could be good and happy and cherry and all that. guess it's not as simple as that. andi don't know why.

i have swallowed anger on a bus full of india indians who stick their butt at you when there are plenty of aspace around. maybe they are used to crowd and cannot stand not being in touch with anyone. i bear it. with clenched jaw and fist. any closer and i don't know what i'll do.

i have been patient and kept silent regarding the nonsense people who use the range on sunday. all talk and no action. yes range unkempt and messy. who uses it? there's lots of rubbish. whoes could it be? i wonder. though only for a nanosecond. cause the answer is simple. and obvious. and in the end it's left to someone who seldom use the range anymore to clean it up. how shameful. i admit i was slow. i got the plan up only after it was cleaned. hope it stays clean.

i am more tolerant. more peaceful. more calm. and much less lazy now.

but still unhappy at times. is it simply to vary the days? to make us appreciate the good ones? or is it something lacking still. i guess everyone have bad days and down days. though the change from agood day to a bad day happens real fast. moment. one single moment. no different formt he last or the next. yet such an impact on one's perspective on everything.

ranting. rambling. not happy. slightly angry. slightly sad. slightly is relative.

perhaps i ask too much. perhaps my standards for certain thigns are too high. perhaps.

i have no clue as to why such things happen. couldn't things work smoothly for once.

hurt and pain. my close companion for so long. thought they have left..for good. now back again at such unexpected times. and i know not the reason.

i should have changed that stupid lock
i should have made you leave your key

somethings feel so weird. yet so comforting. it changes me. it made me want to be better and do more to ensure thigns are fine.

and love dares you to care for
the people on the edge of the night
and loves dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves

changed. for the better i hope. i hope you too. <3

no idea why. hope to be in the know though. hmm.

and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

more thievery

credits to casey..for the last one too. be well and at peace.

How bad are you...
Are you a good or bad boy/girl?? Add one point for everything you have done. If you get more than 60 - you are bad! Lower than that-- no worries you're still a little angel!

BE HONEST!!! NO CHEATING!

1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7 =D ermm..

11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9 getting worse it seems..

21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 4 phew

31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band name
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 2

41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 3

51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 3

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 6 oh no..

71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 2

81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 7

91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 4

Final total: 47

haha..not that bad..phew..

religion?

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Postmodernist 69% Cultural Creative 69% Existentialist 50% Modernist 50% Romanticist 50% Materialist 44% Idealist 44% Fundamentalist 38% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

hmm..doesn't say much..but well..i believe.=)

there must be heart. if you have no heart for what you do..you have nothing.

days

days come and days go.

things get better and things gets worse.

happy. then get angry then get happy again. or not.

i want to care and it's tough. caring for you. you..someone else.

perhaps my idea of being well is too much. perhaps i am just all too sensitive and critical. perhaps i ask too much.

guess it's my turn to get mood swings.

break

been awhile since i blogged. was busy..been overseas and had camp. so now decided to just type and s@@ what comes out. heh.

quite abit to do the past weeks. regarding work and stuff and been hanging out with people and enjoying life as it is given. pretty alright i guess, though there are frustrating parts. people and happenings do not always go the way we want. guessed i matured abit in this regard, less tight assed and angry when things go wrong. able to put it aside and do what i can and what i need. i like it. things are smoother and i am happier, generally.

and as God have given me so much. i hope in trun i can give and do God's work, by His will.

i dont' know what may come tomorrow but i know i want to do what i can to help others. i hope i can contribute to the happiness of people around me. i love so many people, my friends, my family..and in general everyone. when people are happy they also usually react less aggressively and then in turn make other people's day better and so on. sOo..start a day happy and be determined to stay happy and in turn it may not be too difficult to make people happy. simplistic and optimistic..but well..if it works sometimes, it's already worth it. since it also makes yourself happy.

keep faith. dream on. have love.
faith, hope and love. God's gift.

give me some years back i'll have alot of reasons not to be a believer. all the questions, somewhat unanswerable or cannot be answered to my satisfaction. i was of the mind that if no one can answer me satisfactorily i'll not let myself believe. through some turn of events, i got back to church and let myself be talked to and once again let myself try to believe. this time i guess i learnt the meaning of faith. it's not something you can logicalise to be true or false. it's not something you can touch or see. if it can..it doesn't need faith and trust and believe. simply because it's so much more than what we can percieve and comprehand perhaps that's why i couldn't bring myself to believe. i remember somebody once told me why she is a christian, simple because she believes there's a God.

that's it. simple and powerful. though i left it aside for some months before realising that i have been given the answer i have been looking for. it's simply 'i believe. i have faith.' that's it. there is no question. the questions are not important anymore. not because i have felt His presence, or His works, or being touched by Him, or having been graced so much in my life. it's simply i believe.

and that have been the difference in my life. such a simple change and such a big difference. letting God take my life and work His will. taking it as He gives.

God is my shepard, i shall not want.

love, unconditional, giving, trusting, what else coud be said..?
from www.dictionary.com
deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
underlying sense of oneness..haha..nice one there isn't it. that doesn't say anything i guess. perhaps it's all different to certain extend for everyone. and for me..the above says what i think it should be.
a kind of care and concern and wanting the best for someone or something that is unconditional, giving and trusting. not asking anything in return.

and so..i am me. i love.

now this mountain i must climb
feels like a world upon my shoulders
i through the clouds i see love shine
it keeps me warm as life grows colder

in my life there’s been heartache and pain
i don’t know if i can face it again
can’t stop now, i’ve traveled so far
to change this lonely life

i wanna know what love is
i want you to show me
i wanna feel what love is
i know you can show me
-Foreigner

深海

就让我沈溺 爱深不见底
抵抗痛苦没有力气 我爱你从不盼你
回报万分之一 你不该走的那么彻底
就让我忘记 再回到过去
欺骗自己比较容易 我好想醉身海里
远离风风雨雨 拔掉我心上所有呼吸
怎知我情深似海 全都是泪来灌溉
困陷在感情深渊不能醒来 海越深
越是平静越是冰冷 爱越深
越是执着越是天真 我对你情深似海
你毫不眷恋离开 你教我怎么相信昨天存在
谁不想一旦付出就要精彩
偏偏你选择他来给你未来
-赵传

return

-ed

tired. contented. happy actually.

safe trip. interesting trip. thank you.

life and such

been normal i guess. some minor problems..as usual.

feeling abit low today. had a great service, and great time before i reach the range. time at the range and after service was..bleah.

abit out of sorts..i know the problems are there. but it's not something that i can solve. changing people's mentality and mindset and how they view me. i am me. if they want to play cliques and isolate me. why should i care? cause it's my job? seriously..in my opinion. most of these people should be out of the picture. out of my picture. i do my job. if you want to bypass me and look for whoever..is it my problem? i am here to help you, but i cannot help you, if i don't know the problem. heck, i don't even know what's happening..cause you don't let me know. i am not there on weekends cause i have other commitments. just as you people are not there on weekdays cause you have other commitments. do i have to conform? no, fuck you.

i am me. i do what i do. i do what i can. if you don't trust me enough to let me do my job then your failure to trust and respect, caused me to fail and eventually the whole system. my job is to be a middle man. to work out between two parties. one side use me. one side don't. what am i to do? am i to blame? cause i am not there? cause i am not made know the issues? i say, 'please bang a wall to yourself.'

you got your job, that's to do your best. i got a job, and i do what i can. i got other jobs like you. you expect more from me? more than you are giving? if hell have not a place for you, i'll make one.

more pissed than i thought i was. cause i guess i am doing my best on top of my other things that require my attention. some of you think that i am only doing this, perhaps? you are wrong. i am doing this cause i thought i can help. i am not in for the money. what money? i can earn more working part-time, please.

bah. irate.

thank God for the blessings in my life, for without, i would be crushed.

i could stay awake just to hear you breathing
watch you smile while you are sleeping
while you’re far away dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure

don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing

lying close to you feeling your heart beating
and i’m wondering what you’re dreaming
wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
then i kiss your eyes
and thank God we’re together
i just want to stay with you in this moment forever
forever and ever

don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing

i don’t want to miss one smile
i don’t want to miss one kiss
i just want to be with you
right here with you, just like this
i just want to hold you close
feel your heart so close to mine
and just stay here in this moment
for all the rest of time

don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing

don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
i don’t want to miss a thing
-Aerosmith

knowledge

knowldge is power. to certain extend, certainly.

knowledge of things can let you make decisions..right decisions. good decisions.
knowledge can give you upper hand in any number of situations.
knowledge can make you feel depressed, happy, peaceful and any variety of emotions.

knowledge is power. to know it is the surface. to change it is power. to be able to control what others know is power indeed.

personally, knowledge of yourself. better knowledge of how you think, feel, react and want to be, can allow you to have more control over yourself. this is, what i feel, most people lack. knowledge of themselves.

certainly, i think i don't know myself enough. i mean i am still trying to know and to change how i react to certain things..but yet there are alot of times when i cannot stop myself or even understand why i do or feel certain things. and those are things that i may regret later on.

sOo..perhaps if we know ourselves better and are able to stop ourselves from doing, saying things we know we'll regret, then we can be happier with ourselves and live life with less regrets.

but then as persons, we are always changing. it may be not as easy to know and understand even ourselve. but..what's to stop us from trying to better our lives?

we have met the enemy. they are us.

mirror test

when you get what you want in your struggle for self
and the world makes you king for a day
just go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that man has to say

you may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
and get pats on the back as you pass
but your final reward will be heartache and tears
if you cheated the man in the glass

when tha game is over, i just want to look at myself in the mirror, win or lose, and i know i gave it everything i had.
-Joe Montana

things don't always go our way. but keep faith and do your best, for nothing is written until God calls you home.

story i was given

the chinese farmer
there is a chinese story of an old farmer who had an old horse for tilling his fields.
one day the horse escaped into the hills and, when all the farmer's neighbours sympathised with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, 'bad luck? good luck? who knows?'

a week later the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills and this time the neighbours congratulated the farmer on his good luck. his reply was, 'good luck? bad luck? who knows?'

then, when the farmer's son was attempted to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. everyone thought this very bad luck. not the farmer, whose only reaction was, 'bad luck? good luck? who knows?'

some weeks later the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. when they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg they let him off. now was that good luck? bad luck? who knows?

was given this story before i was broken..about 2 years back..?

now being here..being who i am now. i learn this lesson and abit more.
not to judge things immediatly..they may turn around and surprise you..for good or bad.
nothing is sure or over till the fat lady sings.(if you don't know who the fat lady is..you ought to bang a wall against yourself.)

there are times when we are happy and feel so blessed. we love what we have and seems like nothing can get us down.
then there are times when everything is the opposite.

what i feel is..we should not take things too hard. things happen we invariably feel happy/sad/whatever..but is it necessary to the extend where we want to die ah..the world is so unfair ah..why i so unlucky..why only me? why? why? why?

stop that whining..unless you have cheese to go with it.

it's not the end until you die. sometimes things just go bad..learn from it and be better. to be able to handle more things. to be able to think clearly when things come falling apart. to keep your cool when the heat is up. take a deep breath and chill out before taking a look at it. you'll be more focused and less emotionally unstable. that will probably help in most cases.

when things are good..i guess enjoy and take it as it comes. don't get ahead of yourself. the future is not for us to fathom. take it and be happy that you have it. smile and think of all the nice things you have.

we all have lost before. we all have good times before. what's important is the now that we are in. don't dwell too much in the past or future..you'll lose your now.

sometimes, we just have to learn to let things come and go.
i know it's easier said then done.
but how long do you want to live in the past?
the shadow of a future that's no longer possible?
we are only human..let us deal with what we can and enjoy life as it's given.

thank you.

concerns

things i am concern about. though most of them i am powerless to do anything about. and below is one of them. SPR, apply liberally.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4812562.stm
http://news.yahoo.com/fc/US/Bush_Administration

why don't they s@@ themselves as threat to other people's right? they only wish to impose what they think is right to others and are totally missing the point that there are also people who view them as evil. only difference is the power to act on them.

they spend billions bombing people's cities and countries. they send their own people to die for their idea of freedom. they are the most indebted developed country. wth man.

why bother about what other countries do? if you pissed them off obviously you're scared. if not..what's the deal? people spend money build what they want..you build what you want. you have nukes but you don't want others to have them. you stop everyone from having them..pussy shit. cannot deal equally with others. think you are big brother..? shit head. the line between self-defence and bullying have been crossed so many times and still are being exploited cause they are the largest military. what a load of bull-.

after mistake in iraq. no WMDs were found. no links to terrorist were established. now they aim iran. if it's not about control of oil, i don't know what other than stupidity and machoism.

china build by army, you rebuke. russia opening up economy not the way you want, you rebuke. you say this and that country axis of evil. wow. mr. bush, are you God? or are you the right hand? or left?

didn't really want to bother. but i felt that people must be made aware.

oh well..anyway. things been cool. staying calm about life. trying to be better and disciplined. exercising and work related. also reminding myself about my temper. need to work it better.

so yeah..life's been normal. kind of. some ups and downs and trials. pretty good i guess. got chance at something better.

and as the Lord's grace fill my life. i live for Him. pray that i may fulfill whatever He planned for me. to live as He made me to live.

recently

just been pretty good.

had some problems controlling my own emotions at times. especially when it concerns the things i care alot about. my bad. hope i learn from them mistakes well and be better, and cause less troubles.

off to camp. back in a few days. s@@ you folks around. =)

may i live strong with God as my guide, my fortress and my Lord. come what may.

sometimes i wanna give up
i wanna give in,
i wanna quit the fight
and then i see you, baby
and everything's alright,
everything's alright

when i see you smile
i can face the world, oh oh,
you know i can do anything
when i see you smile
i see a ray of light, oh oh,
i see it shining right through the rain
when i see you smile
oh yeah, baby when i see you smile at me
-Bad English

amazing grace

how amazing my life have been the past year or sOo.. after being led back to God, things have just been better. there are still ups and downs, but there's been so much more peace and joy.

amazing grace! how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me!
i once was lost, but now am found;
was blind, but now i see.

'twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved;
how precious did that grace appear
the hour i first believed.

through many dangers, toils and snares,
i have already come;
'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead me home.

the Lord has promised good to me,
his word my hope secures;
he will my shield and portion be,
as long as life endures.

yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
i shall possess, within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.

the world shall soon dissolve like snow,
the sun refuse to shine;
but God, who called me here below,
shall be forever mine.

when we've been there ten thousand years,
bright shining as the sun,
we've no less days to sing God's praise
than when we'd first begun.

and the Lord gives, to those who keep faith in him.
i thank you, my Lord, for all that's in my life.
all that have made me, me.

another day

another shoot..another blow..another mistake..

intentions?dreams?wishes? all nothing if you cannot live by them and fulfill them.

nothing much to say here. lousy day overall yesterday.

i'll still do what i do and be me. cause that's all there is to do and be.

holding on

had a great weekend.

good friends.
good games.
good days.
good time.
=)

had sometime to think about stuff on bus back, since i forgotten to charge my mp3 player. about holding on to stuff..people..

i guess at some point of time in our brief lives, there would be people who leave us. and we are hurt and lost and damned(that's how we feel at that time, anyway). then our days are like nights and nights are still like nights. time seem a blur and all we feel is numbness or pain.

it's during times like this that our memories are like the commercials that we hate most. always playing the most hurtful parts and the also nicest parts..tempting our regret and stealing our sanity. our mind have taken leave and our body left on it's own, refuse to play its part. food taste like rocks and water like sand. body numb and sleep elusive.

after some days like this..slowly things go back to normal. life beckons. how long can one stay dead while being alive? i have no idea and hope i don't get another chance to try. it is then that we are merely surviving. not really alive. cause we are still holding on.

to memories. to hope. to anything that we can. unconsicously. we may simply hope to let go and start afresh and make up for lost time. but deep down we are still living the past and unable to walk on. so much were share and "blahblahblah.. .. .."

from experiencing my own recovery and talking and knowing people around me. i have come to this question.

if you say you love somebody and only want to best for them, want them to be happy. yet you hold on..unable to let them be. to let them go, in body as in mind. to allow them space to live, to make mistakes and to be a person without you. to simply let go of the need to make them happy. where is the line? the line that it's about them or it's about you?

is it to satisfy yourself? or to know they are happy or simply ok?no one can forever be happy..it would become meaningless. and everyone makes mistakes and have problems.

i asked myself this regarding people in my life. and i guess only recently that i can truthfully say that as long as they are generally happy and living their lives, i'm glad for them. ask me 3..4 months ago and i would have answered otherwise, maybe. it would have been i want to know they are happy. if i have truely let go of them from my life..why do i have to know that they are happy? as friends go, problems to share, ok..help and talk and ask. not dig and dig and dig, what are you unhappy about..nitpicking nitpicking.

that somehow seems narcissistic and hypocritical. but hey, that's me thinking. sOo..i guess for me, to let go of somebody like this is to mean leaving the person to be who they are. to live and make mistakes and handle problems..hopefully with me on the sideline as a friend.

smiles.
do what needs to be done and enjoy life as it is given.

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah Mclachlan, Angel

somewhere

there's a place for us,
a time and place for us.
hold my hand and we're halfway there.
hold my hand and i'll take you there
somehow,
some day,
somewhere!
-West Side Story

we all get down sometime..somehow..somwhere.
sometimes..things ain't as bad as we think.
maybe all we need to do is carry on and keep faith.

keeping the dream alive
keep the faith
dream on

became a part of me..something i believe in.
cause miracles can happen..it just may take abit longer.
He have brought such wonders into my life recently.
should i have not the eyes to s@@..i would have been worse off.
thank the people around me who have guided me back to the Lord.
thank the Lord for them..for without i would be lost.

tentative regarding what's to come.
so many things happening.
so many possibilities.
so many fears.

faith..you have? i do.

life

so unexpected. so irritating.

so many things at so many times. ups and downs.

trying so hard and yet failing. having such good people around.

life.

moments

sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, just for today
maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
-Eminem, Sing for the Moment

taking moments as they come. living life as God have given me.
though i fear..i'll go on. i love you.

leader?

had a good peacful day today.

went to church after shooting some. not doing too great, but will work it out. i know i can..sOo..not too worried.

anyway, after church went grabbed some fruits and bread and ate alone at the fountain at raffles city shopping center basement. was letting my mind wander and random thoughts flow in. slowly it collaced(coalesced?) into more substantial stuff.

was thinking about what it means to be a leader, in my idealistic mind.

learn.
teach.
empower.

i feel a leader must be able to learn at all times and improve. must be able to study and analyse every situation. be able to take comments and critiques and turn them into strengths. not only to learn new skills, but also to improve upon those already learnt and optimise them with input and feedback from whatever sources.

teach..more like educate. to be able to let someone learn a new skill or to think in a new way, to see things in a new light. then that person is made better, not only in terms of knowledge, but also in terms of ablity to learn and think. to learn something new is always a good thing, i feel.

after learning and passing the on whatever you can, i feel that one must empower those you taught to handle themselves. to be put in life context and let them use the skills and knowledge they learn. then when they truely use the skills or knowledge they learnt, they have really grown with the skills or knowledge.

rant rant rant

well..some thoughts that occupied my mind while having my solitude dinner.

then saw this on a t-shirt..liked it.

not all who wander are lost.

it's part of a longer thing that goes .. .. ..

all that is gold does not glitter,
not all those who wander are lost;
the old that is strong does not wither,
deep roots are not reached by the frost.
from the ashes a fire shall be woken,
a light from the shadows shall spring;
renenwed shall be blade that was broken,
the crownless again shall be king.
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings.

i cannot find words to express what i am feeling now.
hopeful, recharged, at peace, eager for things to come, willing to help others find their way.

not as clear as i hope to be..but well..here are my thoughts for this particularly interesting sunday.=)

more theft

" ...it is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat... "
- theodore rossevelt(i don't think it polite to call him teddy)

then go to monique's blog for some good quotes.

life..come what may. i am me.

stolen from aishah

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

See what you think.

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."- Karl - age 5

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you dont yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."- Samantha - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when youre tired."- Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."- Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."- Emily - age 8

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."- Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." -Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasnt scared anymore." - Cindy - age 8

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." - Elaine - age 5

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." - Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." -Lauren - age 4

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. -Bethany - age 4

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesnt think its gross." - Mark - age 6

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and ! little stars come out of you." - Karen - age 5

rock them joints

you're serioussss..

no kiddingggg..

heh..private jokes eh people? haha..

cool shit went down today..
we hit the ground running..
stretched our asses and whacked theirs..
jumped up, jumped up and got down..

finally we rocked them joints..!!

thank yous for being RoXXoRs..!!and thank you for being there..=)

recover

from so many things that have bugged me..

depression
shooting problems
people problems
work problems

it doesn't take anything substantial..it takes faith, trust and love.

learning to lead life better and give back. God hears and provides. He loves.

i have things in my life now that i cherish alot. problems come and go..somethings stays for good. and those are what we should focus on. God, family, friends..all takes love to work.

nothing is truely impossible..miracles just takes abit longer.

quote

love is when someone hurts you and you get so mad but you dont yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.
-from PJ's blog.

inspired

once again.

was walking in the national stadium..going for a talk there. looking at the stands..the lights..the display screens.

a feeling of pride and motivation rose up in me. felt as if i cannot fail..with the nation behind me. all i need to do..is to do what i do. nothing more.

almost everytime i go there i get this feeling. it makes me want to go the distance.

excellence, is never acheived in moderation.

FITA

sucks. hoped for more. couldn't acheive.

mood : 2/10

tired and cracked.

where art thou?

you are where your heart is.

you are where you are.

you have to present in your life to do things and to be alive.

if where you are..is not where you are thinking about. you are in deep shit. kind of..

to fully experience life where and when you are..requires you to be in the moment. that's a mental thing. mean's you don't think about 'yesterday' or 'tomorrow'. but you think and be in the 'now'. only that way..then can you react and live the moment..

but hey..that's only my opinion. some people are fully capable of stumbling through life with their brains safely stored at home or wherever they left it at..maybe their ex's handbag or their old school classroom.

sOo..ask yourself from time to time..
where am i?
when am i?

SOS?

i am not a fireman. i am not a ambulance medic. i am not a healer or what shit.

i hate it when certain person do something stupid then i got to save everyone. it's a simple thing. a mistake. that happens again and again. and everyone unhappy. you think i happy meh? but in the end..who have to cover and help talk to everyone? me.

we are a family..i hope?

things are getting out of hand. shooting his own foot. i am not his anyone..he was my first coach. i do what i can without betraying myself. but..how long can i do this without going crazee..?

it's pure stupidity.

ain't enough

this is a complain post.

there isn't enough RESPECT these days.

respect for little things, big things, old things, simple things..certain things that were meant to be respected.

i respect the mob, gangs and such for one thing..they teach you to respect the rules, the under ground laws. if you don't, you might find yourself in a whole load of crap. rules serve a purpose..no matter you don't understand or accept. the rule in the world you live in demands respect. or at least it should. nowadays, if you ain't punished for it, no one cares. even you there's punishments for breaking the rules, people still have no respect, because they don't see the point of the rules. the repect is not for the rule, or the people punishing you..it's for the order it brings. rules are to keep everyone safe from certain things..to even out everyone's power..sort of.

imagine you break a rule..a minor one. and if you were the person who is at the recieving end of the rule break. say..you cheated in a deal..earn more moolahs..and got away with it. how would you feel if you are the person who lost out in the deal? yes..it's not you. but the rules are to make everyone play in a level playing field. if everyone cheats however whatever way there is..then all hell breaks lose. soon it'll just be anarchy.

so to make sure everyone deals fairly..you to others as well as the other way round..there are rules. and most of them deserve respect..cause they bring about security, fairness and to some extend, maybe negatively, conformity.

respect for friends. and people around. people who cares, will ask you what's wrong when they know you are not. and there ain't enough respect if you do not tell them. or let them know you'll be alright because you can handle it. they respect you enough to care. do you respect them enough to let them?

maybe i'm wrong.
maybe i'm just a weird person.
too old for my age and acting too young.

wondering

about some stuffs. heh.

watch the show fearless(huo yuan jia). i think it's a great show(8/10). not everyone's kind of show though. it' s like a moral-teaching kind. not sure if it's a true story..sure feels like it is. action scenes are alright..some are too unbelievable though. it's quite a sad show..but i feel it's balance. how he is paying for his sins, but at least he found his love and peace. life's like that sometimes..

oh..new email account. ken.archery@gmail.com
please use that from now on.=)

nothing much these days..trying to train..coach people..do work..normal. things are normal..not too great..not too bad..happy in a way..no not happy..content is more like it.

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah McLachlan

zone

'its like learning Archery;
eventually you reach the point where ideas are ended
and feelings forgotten,
and then you suddenly hit the target.'
-Ying-An

that's a very apt description of being in the zone.

a feeling that you spend a lifetime trying to acheive.
the harder you try..the further you are from it.
if you had it once..you want it again.
it's a moment of clarity..
a moment where you are nothing less and nothing more than in perfect balance.
let go and be in control..

ranting space

it's not who we are inside..it's what we do that defines us.
-Batman Begins

people only see what we do. most people don't give a damn about why..or who you are inside, behind the thigns you do. you are judged and measured by what you acheived or failed to acheived. not by what you aspire to. it's abit sad..but that's the way things are.

we all have dreams. some are uncontrollable..some are attainable. to reach out. to try and give your very best..that's all you can do. if you fail even to do that. then your dream will forever be just a dream.

burn. let yourself burn over your desires..!!

stars that burn twice as bright..burn half as long.
-Magic Card..forgot which.

in a flash of brillance..it dwindles into nothingness. lives..a moment in time.
cherish this moment where you are given a chance to shine.