now..done my SAT and waiting for results. meanwhile, stuck doing what i do. not that i do not like it, it's simply that the passion is not there anymore.
in anything, i believe that having some for of progression is important. it helps to maintain interest. it makes sure you are going in the right direction. it helps you to know that you are growing and learning as you age and do what you do.
now, it seems like in almost every aspect of my life, i have no progress. in some, it seems to be backsliding.
i'm so tired of fighting against something that i have no power against. i cannot change it and as i change to try to overcome it, i find that it's all futile.
it's not that i am not doing anything. it just seem that the doors keep closing as i keep trying more things.
when i was young..i didn't know about the 'path' to success in this island. i did what i wanted and did what i could. my parents also didn't know. my brothers also didn't know. now..as i looked back, i know i could be something else. something more..and something less.
i envy the young. choices still open. roads still un-tread.
yes, it is a challenging world. but for those of us who are stuck in limbo, being neither paper qualified or experienced otherwise, we are more lost.
those young, still growing and learning and the most enviable thing is that, there are so much advise and guidance available for them. it's not that everyone benefits from these, but they are there, now more than ever.
and yes, i am jealous. even, in some measure, bitter. where are my open doors? where is my ladder of success?
it does seem that my life so far have been a series of bad decisions made from bad advise and imperfect knowledge.
i am ken.
