progress?

started doing my Diploma in Counselling some years back. did great and wanted to go on to a BSc/BA Psychology, but hit some snag.

now..done my SAT and waiting for results. meanwhile, stuck doing what i do. not that i do not like it, it's simply that the passion is not there anymore.

in anything, i believe that having some for of progression is important. it helps to maintain interest. it makes sure you are going in the right direction. it helps you to know that you are growing and learning as you age and do what you do.

now, it seems like in almost every aspect of my life, i have no progress. in some, it seems to be backsliding.

i'm so tired of fighting against something that i have no power against. i cannot change it and as i change to try to overcome it, i find that it's all futile.

it's not that i am not doing anything. it just seem that the doors keep closing as i keep trying more things.

when i was young..i didn't know about the 'path' to success in this island. i did what i wanted and did what i could. my parents also didn't know. my brothers also didn't know. now..as i looked back, i know i could be something else. something more..and something less.

i envy the young. choices still open. roads still un-tread.

yes, it is a challenging world. but for those of us who are stuck in limbo, being neither paper qualified or experienced otherwise, we are more lost.

those young, still growing and learning and the most enviable thing is that, there are so much advise and guidance available for them. it's not that everyone benefits from these, but they are there, now more than ever.

and yes, i am jealous. even, in some measure, bitter. where are my open doors? where is my ladder of success?

it does seem that my life so far have been a series of bad decisions made from bad advise and imperfect knowledge.

i am ken.

final words from a brave man

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

All my very best,

Jack Layton

struck

while i was tossing around in bed for the last 2 hours. after reading the verses and some notes regarding this, i simply cannot stop thinking about it. sOo..here it is.

1John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

1John 4:21 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

if we still hold grudges against our brothers and sisters on this Earth, then it is difficult to love God. or that what we think is love for God is not entirely true.

God tells us to love God and our neighbor. and as the parable of the good Samaritan tells us, a neighbor is someones is whoever in need. in our small ways, we can all be good Samaritans and show our love for those around us. it calls us to be less selfish and to hold others in good regard despite their faults.

related to this;

Luk 6:32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

Luk 6:33 And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.

Luk 6:34 And if ye lend [to them] of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.

Luk 6:35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and [to] the evil.

Luk 6:36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.

Luk 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

it's not easy to do as it is to say. more so in this society's context, i think.

we can, but try. grant us strength of will and wisdom of your Spirit, that we may do your will.

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus
William Ernest Henle

buried..

..under the expectations and demands of a mad world.

testing

Hello World..!!

unmotivated

everyday it seems like i am doing things to help others and not myself. i am not happy.

i am seldom happy these days. my mood is having a distinct downward trend.

not really interested to do anything. not motivated to go for things. don't seem to have any idea what i really want.

tired of this shit. i think i am getting nowhere.

my life..

not my own.

no time to do what i want. no resources to do what i want. no place i feel comfortable.

tough luck. oh well.

will survive. just another year and so on and another year and so forth. life goes on.

perhaps of my experience and all, i have adopted a rather uninterested mentality to many things. i hope it's not most things or all things. that will make me a super boring person..especially for myself.

whatever happens, life goes on. we adapt. we change. we grow. until we die. it's mostly a choice to do that, as are most things in life. we chose. something between tough choices. still we have a choice.

growing old is easy. growing up is not.

nowhere i belong.

home

feels so unfamiliar. so tired of being at home.