flat line

life have been rather flat lined lately. only a few minor instances of irkedness.

firstly, starwars episode 3, coming out. one of the bad guys is going to be called..general grievous. and the leaked plot is VERY lame. i shall not have any spoilers here, but trust me, if it is as i read, this will be the worst starwars ever. it doesn't matter if the effects are good. it doesnt' matter if it have lightsabers(ok maybe it does). it's turning into a lame, childish, simplistic, style-less show that is undeserving of the glory that's starwars. and the author for episode 1, 2 and 3 is the guy who killed chewbacca in one of his books. trying hard to be outstanding? trying hard to come out with stunning scenes and story lines? you fail. you killed starwars. and george lucas gave you the knife. blessed are episodes 4, 5 and 6. even in those the 'special editions' they suck. man..GL have no idea what makes a good movie.WTH. rambled enough about this..for now.

team. what does it mean to you? to me it means we stick together, it means we help each other through. if you want to be selfish and stay aside to be yourself, to do your best. you are not part of the team. you think you know what you want, but all you want is empty, cause you don't ven know who you are.

i am here for you if you need. if i s@@ you down i will pull you up as best as i can. i don't ask anything in return. only that you are fine. that's me. unconditional. trust me. go on and soar, do your thing. i will always be glad that you can walk on and stand strong. i will be here.

watched a few good movies the past few weeks. aviator. ray. million dollar baby. and they all won oscars for various categories. of all these, i would say i enjoyed ray the most, but million dollar baby being the best. watch it. i think most people would enjoy any of these shows.

oh yar..how can i forget. measured my bow poundage today. i click at 49 pounds. OMFG. no wonder i died the first day i shot it. wondering if i should have it changed to something lower. will ask coach when i s@@ him. i can handle it pretty ok now, almost like my old yamaha limbs. but really 49 is just a little bit mad. don't you think?

not too bad..not too good. watch out for what's to come. watch out for me.

'偶爾整理信紙 發現離家當時
媽媽給我的字 只寫著兩件事

有原則沒錯你要堅持 相信有好的開始
小心別在城市裡迷失 家永遠有你的位置

一個人自由沒有限制 兩個人交心才充實
認真尋找你愛的女人 給她幸福一輩子'-歐得洋

(i like the above lyrics alot, and he sings it with ery good emotions, i like it.)

curve balls

life's a cruel bitch who like to throw curve balls.

nothing happened to piss me off. though nothing really good happened too. just normal. watch million dollar baby..and it reminds me of how unpredictable life is. in kind of a sombre(sp) mood today. no idea why..

been training hard..building strength and feeling the new bow. feels good. getting connected with it.

reading an old book that have been republished, author's preferred edition. like it more than the editted one. adds more flavor to a story i read maybe four times already.

you-know-who: i know. sometimes i am conflicted as to what to do. for now..i do what i need to do.

tough ain't enough. you need heart. at least i am giving it a shot.

'仍然自由自我　永遠高唱我歌　走遍千里'-Beyond

ultra extreme

a new beast to tame. a new machine to tune. a new weopon to handle.

first time seriously tried to shoot my new bow.

Samick Agulla Ultra 25" Grey
Samick Extreme Limbs Long 44#(more like 48#)
Easton ACE 430, 120gr points, 30", Beiter In/Out nocks Yellow Size 2, Spinvanes Blue
Shibuya Dual Click Sight Blue
ARE Magnetic Arrowrest
Shibuya DX Plunger Blue
Doinker 4" Extender
Beiter 90 x 0 V-bar
Easton Limb Bolt
Cartel Alum/Carbon Side Rods 12"
Cartel Alum/Carbon Long Rod 29"
Doinker Top Weight
Angel Finger Tab Type 2
Beiter Arm Guard
BCY Dyneema '02 String, Brownell Braided End Serving, BCY Halo Center Serving

ok..maybe abit too much information. anyway..the bow is a beast. it's by far the toughest bow i used. also the best feeling. it's difficlt to control and hold the tension. it stacks like mad..any slack in tension and it'll make you pay dearly. BUT..when executed properly..there's no where it'll go except the gold. it's all the archer's fault. when used properly..the bow is a charm to shoot. it throws itself out forcefully in a straightline. quiet. very little vibrations. balances well. point, stretch and let it work. now all i need is some time and alot of training.

i am confident that once i can comfortably use this bow, i will make my dream come true.

met up with my brother and sister saturday night. had a good time catching up. enjoy their company alot..nothing we cannot talk about.=) make my year. thanks for all the love. hope we get to meet up more..

i am a person who may forgive, but almost never forgets what hurts me. i am not asking for anything anymore. i did what i could, what i thought was right at that point of time. i am me. i am moving on..taking life as it comes. take care, be well.

ken, nearly defeated by the ultra extreme. that thing got to learn who's boss.

'天　天空可見飛鳥..
驚慌展翅飛舞　穿梭天際只想覓自由..'-Beyond

me..?

You are the Justice card. Justice preserves the
harmony of the world. Working with opposite
forces, Justice does not seek to criticize or
condemn but rather to accept. The idea behind
the card justice is that opposite forces are
complementary; you could not have good without
evil or light without darkness. Justice's
position is to make sure that if a thing is out
of balance, the weight of its energy is
realigned with its opposite force. This card is
also a card of humour, for it is in pointing
out contrary positions that humour is often
found. The attitude that is found in the
humourous person, being able to shift
perspective and flow with an instinct, is
important in the maintenance of good balance.
Image from The Blue Moon Tarot Deck.
http://www.themysticeye.com/pics/bluemoon.htm


Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

有夢有朋友

when i am feeling low i tend to be short-tempered and moody. but then..don't most people..?

been feeling down lately..but not really bad tempered or moody..mostly. =) trying to just be in the now. to do whati am suppose to do..even though i am tired..mentally and physically. not bad..like the way things turn out.. just feeling abit neglected by myself..haha..should be resting more then.

feelings abit mixed and unstable. trudge on.

i know i can do it. just need to work on it more. with more focus and effort. i will do it. for dreams!

my friends, my dreams. they make up my life. motivates me. lifts me up.

'明天的天空　因為有夢有朋友
心靈的翅膀才能飛得久
有夢有朋友　有汗有笑有淚滴
都會是一生溫暖的回憶'-伍思凱,優客李林

vending machine

sometimes i feel like i am/want to be one.

it's like this. i hope i can be of help to others to make thier lifes better/happier..somewhat anyway..and sometimes i'm not like that at all. anyway..it's like you come to me..tell me what you need/want..then i dispense if i can. just a kind of random thought.

so..if you need anything..can ask me. i'll provide if i can. ask and thou shall recieve..sometimes.=)

valentine's day. is there a big deal? not to me. it's just fun to watch some people trying to please some others. i'm quite fevil..hehe.. but anyway..busy at work cause of it..i think. anyway..hope everyone had a nice day. and have a nice day everyday..everyday is special. cherish it. not only this or that day.

i love you all. even if i don't show it. if you need..i'll be there. remember me kindly..

day of the living dead

totally stoned and brain dead today. haha..

have not played majong for a long time already and saturday night play till sunday morning then went to training. so dead. it was fun playing and talking cock. won abit of money..like really little bit..but the money is not important. it's the fun.

shooting was horrid today. couldn't figure out why till i asked to shoot 30m. then discovered that my centering was off. tried to center it again, only to find that it couldn't be done. then only did i realise that i did not tighten the screw to hold it in place. wasted the whole morning shooting shit. after which in the afternoon did abit better at 30m. but was really dead head. shoot three ends then sleep awhile then shoot more then sleep then shoot. tilli got the feeling quite right then went back to 70m. shot alright. will go at it after being properly rested and all. i can do this!

been fine these days. chinese new year been quite happening compared to other years. went visiting around friends houses and cooking at home. played two nights of majong. pretty fun la. but also sian at some stuff. outstanding stuffs. but i guess it's not within my control, so alli got to do is control myself.

hope everyone is doing alright. hope everyone had fun. after this break, will be chionging all the way liao. think everyone need to be more disciplined about what to do this year. seems like got lots of people i know who are having an important year. so..my friends..let get ready to rock and roll.=)

to infinity and beyond!

'but it’s been no bed of roses
no pleasure cruise -
i consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
and i ain’t gonna lose -'-Queen

know what..?

if you don't understand, don't comment.
it pisses me off.
what makes you think i am refering to that?
feels as if you never understood even alittle.
thought you do.
but time and again i am proven wrong.
all you do is assume. wrongly.
stop it. you don't understand. at all.

blast from the past

missing someone badly. her smile, her laugh, her jokes and clever remarks. seems like not so long ago. seems like yesterday.

but all have changed. i don't even have the courage. i don't even know what i want. lonely. survivable. gapping hole. waiting to be filled once again.

so many things have changed. yet i remain.

pained-ken
blasted by memories.

'my shadow's the only one that walks beside me..
my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating..
sometimes i wish someone out there will find me..
till then i walk alone..

i'm walking down the line..
that divides me somewhere in my mind..
on the border line..
of the edge and where i walk alone..

read between the lines..
what's fucked up and everything's alright..
check my vital signs..
to know i'm still alive and i walk alone..'-Greenday

ticking

argh..it's chinese new year and i am feeling pissed off.

no idea why, really. it's like today was fine. cook lunch and ate and some relatives came over and talked some and hang out some. nothing much. then went over to monica's house with daryl and later tianfeng and andrew and clint and wei peng went too. played some tai tee. then after which on the way home, i felt pissed and angry. no idea why. was a pretty ok day i suppose..

it's like a deep seated anger. like the magma under a volcano. raging and waiting to come out.

feeling more lonely these days. being in the businese of helping people makes me more lonely i guess. letting people be who they are and helping them when they need. hope i am doing the right thing.

lots of interesting theories in constantine. should watch it with an open mind. if you are not open to more alternate concepts of god and heaven and hell, then stay the fuck away from it. i hope i don't get to listen to someone telling me that the show potrayal of thigns are wrong. it's a show.

what am i missing?

mixed

first and foremost, sorry gabriel. i hit you hard and with no good reason. really sorry..was pissed and smsed you the reasons already. be well..next time i help you massage.

feeling irritated. lots of people whom i dislike. the kind of people. friends you know what kind i dislike. was edgy and near exploding. IF, i had a sword.. .. anyway, glad it's over. and i should be more tolerant of fidiots, fassholes, fosers and suchs..

i know i am flawed. greatly flawed, though i try. there can be no perfect action, only perfect intentions. and i have never intended anything other than perfection in anythng i do. but i am only human and i err. please forgive me. i try. i do.

lunar new year. chinese new year. mom not home. oh well..going to shoot if there's nothing else to do. should be pretty boring.

still quite sianZed. it's like things are normal, and i hoping for more. abit lost as to what i really want. doing what i can..

tick tock
tick tock
endlessly
working

'and i made a vow somewhere,somehow..
that i would rise above..'-Jackie Cheung

blog talk

camyy : haha..i'm like that sometimes..thanks for the offer of tea..but it's caffinated and as a sportsperson i refuse to take caffine..haha..nevermind me..i'm o.k.

if its me u refer 2 : it's kind of to all who have been here and there when i'm down and out..you are probably one of those..=)

hoho : if you are reading this..hmm..ok if you are not you won't even s@@..but anyway..take things easier..do what you can and do your best..the only person you can control is yourself..let the Fassholes be Fassholes..you just do your best..

snow. wolf. lake.

did anyone watched it? it was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL musical i ever watched. i remembered at the opening scene, when jackie cheung came out to sing 'bu4 lao3 de3 chuan2 suo1', i just wept at the wonderful sound and sight. then at the end, when it all ends in tragedy, again i wept. hai..wish i could watch it again..

anyway..the point is not that i am sissy or gay. the point is that the musical is really very nice and i really like the story though it ends horridly..like tragic. beautifully tragic..

done some things which have been outstanding for long time liao..so feeling abit better..and well..guess slowly getting sick of feeling down..so getting up and about again..which is good.

chinese new year around the corner. pretty boring. gets worse as i get older i think..relatives not really friendly..just shwoing gestures of politeness..and this time round my mom is not around..so nothing to do..no one to talk to..guess i'll shoot..haha..life-less..

yearning for something. something is seriously missing in my life.it's quite saddening sometimes..quite irritating sometimes..i'm such a fool.

thanks for being here and listening to me and my stories.
thanks for going out and supping.
thanks for chatting online.
thanks for caring from far away.

dreaming still.
wishing still.
doing what i can.
but what can i do?

原來只要共你活一天
凡塵裡一切可以別掛念
[凡塵裡一切可再不掛念]
原來海角天際亦會變
原來生過死過深愛亦無變
原來只要共你活一天
完全去把你所有都發現
原來只要相信便看見
原來給你真愛的我是無悔 是每一天-Jackie Cheung's Snow, Wolf, Lake

if wishes were fishes..

in quite some pain now. emotionally and mentally. kind of put myself through this. i know i can put it aside if i want to, but just want to be from what i feel. weird? i agree.

so many things outstanding but cannot put myself to do some of them..slowly catching up with work. but..mood is quite lacking. though still doing.

i don't even know how to start to descrbe how i feel at the moment. it's like yearning and in pain. things are fine though. maybe it's REALLY the lack of shooting, but then again..probably not only.

burn..let me burn..
..then i can fade away..

time have passed

birthdays to some friends. and more to come this month.

brother(you know who you are)-happy birthday. thanks for alot of things, of which i will repay when i can. got to meet up someday to chatch up again man. be well and have fun!

bingxi-happy birthday dude. sorry ain't got time to meet up with you for so long. plenty of things that i want to do and so little time. will do so when i take some break. have fun and take care.

wenli-happy brthday! hope you had fun at the party. hope this wil be a good year for you!!

huimin-hey! stay cheerful girl! it's quite sianZ to s@@ you sianZ. if you need to talk or anything, don't forget mr ang is always around to help.

birthdays ain't much to me. though to most it's a joyous occasion and therefore i would like to be able to add to the joy of people around.

have not been shooting cause i am without my equipment and it's causing me to be irritable and frustrated. everytime i go for somedays without training, i get short-tempered and high-strung, like going cold turkey from drugs. haha..it's better than before actually. anyway really want to shoot and train. time is not enough as it is already. for dreams!

started coaching RJ, kinda. fun people. trials were fine, other than the fact that we have too many short listed people and got to cut it down by about half. so anyway, more things to do and handle. which is good i guess.

feeling generally down. lots of small things. shooting(the lack of actually), people around me, work load, outstanding things to settle..and myself. perhaps too critical of myself, but i want to be better at the things i do. at everything i do. so much so that i kind of become impartial to somethings. wondering if that's good, but who's to tell me otherwise?

i want to have no wants. seriously though, do i? or do i want so much that i shy away from it?

walking alone.
sandy plains.
overcast skies.
seeking. searching.

*changing*

note to all who reads or just happen to passed by.

used to have movie titles as titles and taglines as first lines. as well as lyrics to end it. and somewhat structured. but that's all going away.

it's too restricting. it's taking too much time. it's difficult to find things that can truely represents feelings, though most of it are damn close.

now things are going to be random. if i can find a title of a show which can potrait my feelings and thoughts, it shall be. else it'll just be however i feel like it should be.