it's a trap

being nice and easy most of the time, makes people think that i am ok with anything.
guess i don't make my stand enough.
often, i just accept it. deal with it. and move on.

now that i have an opinion, no one wants to listen and everyone wants their views to be heard.
it's not even your thing thing. it's only by the way, your thing.

shit home. shit family situation. i can't get out of..yet.
i do want to get away and never come back. all kinds of fucked up getting worse.

why should i even bother?

you say i am the type to not settle down.

it's simply because my family, my home is fucked up. all kinds of fucked up assholes of different types. all kinds of stupid. i probably sunk 80% of my income so far into the family with nothing in return. with nothing to show for. all because they are all fucking useless retards.
for years i have been the only one with some sort of stable income, and that's when i was coaching. the other "abled bodies" were just being lazy chee byes.

now i try to create something and build a future, everything is still so hard. and then i am shown, why i DO NOT want to get close to people called "family", wanting their say in things that do not need to be their problem.

just frustrated and stuck.

not been spending on myself for so long. tell you i want to travel, you just shut me down.

really.

you want what you want.
and that's not me, or my happiness, or our happiness.

i am not good enough for you. i am not rich enough for you.
you choose. you decide.

i'm tired.
have not been myself.
have not been able to be myself.
no one knows who i really am.
i don't know who i am either.