the champ is here!
liked the show alot. the flair of ali. the confidence, the desire to be the best, the commitment and the spirit of the things he did. the way he fought, in and out of the ring. the way he played, the way he trained. inspiring to me.
i wish i could be just as commited. i know i can, at the expense of other things. some of which i cannot forgo at the moment. trying to balance out. to do my best. to be the champ in my life.
so many obstacles. so many things pulling me back. so many excuses.
all i need is just to do what i want. stay on target.
need something to drive me on when i lose focus. maybe it's just in me.
confused. lost. tired and sad.
know what i want. know what i need to do. lacking drive. need a lift.
drive-ken
what can drive a person?
'i’m gonna work the straw..
make the sweat drip out of every pore..
and i'm bleeding, and i'm bleeding, and i’m bleeding..
right before the lord..
all the words are gonna bleed from me and i will think no more..
and the stains coming from my blood..
tell me go back home..'-White Stripes
Friday, January 28, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
dead man walking
so much may go on inside a person's head. who really knows..
back from thailand. the trip was so many things. fun, tiring, sad, exciting, lovely, challenging, eye-opener.. .. alot of emotions this trip. alot of things went on in my mind while i went about things. helped people. made things alright, i hope.
shooting was alright. not as good as i hoped, but well, i'll get back to it.
i really want to ask. to pursue till i know what is happening. really want to care, to love, to be there. but i think it better for me to stay aside while things go on. i worry, i bother, i think, i care. but everyone have to face their own problems. i'll be here to catch if you need. remember me.
feeling totally empty. just like when she left me. so damn difficult. i think i am falling, deeper. i will go to work, go to coach, go to shoot and continue to care and take care of everyone else. for dreams of better tomorrow? though i know it's the same and will be the same. cause the truth is there in front of my eyes, yet i go on in this direction.
no mood to do anything actually. want to break down again. to break off from everyting. in bangkok, i think i had few worries compared to back home, so i was happier. and of course had really good time with the few people i really hanged out with. really wacky and totally fun.
i think i passed the point of no return. where there is no way out for me. unless someone let's me out. only hurt remains. till someone take me out. i feel too weak to get out alone.
pass-ken
passed by, ken.
'wishing you were somehow here again...
wishing you were somehow near...
sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here...'-Phantom of the Opera
back from thailand. the trip was so many things. fun, tiring, sad, exciting, lovely, challenging, eye-opener.. .. alot of emotions this trip. alot of things went on in my mind while i went about things. helped people. made things alright, i hope.
shooting was alright. not as good as i hoped, but well, i'll get back to it.
i really want to ask. to pursue till i know what is happening. really want to care, to love, to be there. but i think it better for me to stay aside while things go on. i worry, i bother, i think, i care. but everyone have to face their own problems. i'll be here to catch if you need. remember me.
feeling totally empty. just like when she left me. so damn difficult. i think i am falling, deeper. i will go to work, go to coach, go to shoot and continue to care and take care of everyone else. for dreams of better tomorrow? though i know it's the same and will be the same. cause the truth is there in front of my eyes, yet i go on in this direction.
no mood to do anything actually. want to break down again. to break off from everyting. in bangkok, i think i had few worries compared to back home, so i was happier. and of course had really good time with the few people i really hanged out with. really wacky and totally fun.
i think i passed the point of no return. where there is no way out for me. unless someone let's me out. only hurt remains. till someone take me out. i feel too weak to get out alone.
pass-ken
passed by, ken.
'wishing you were somehow here again...
wishing you were somehow near...
sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here...'-Phantom of the Opera
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
lain
close this world. open the NeXT.
internet's been out for a while. lost touch with news and archery happenings. but life goes on. pretty much like when my handphone took a swim and drowned, doesn't really affect me. it affected others who are trying to contact me more.
anyway, life's pretty normal now. work pretty good. coaching pretty good. shooting pretty good. hope i can stay consistant. then i'll be alright for this year at least.
going overseas for a shoot. pretty excited. pretty sian. got lots of things to take care of. but i need a break.
it's just not right. something's missing. i want to find it. but..how? who can help me? it's a kind of feeling. something..weird..it makes you ballistic. makes you feel all-powerful. nothing can go wrong. sways you like nothing else does. how?
look-ken
look. ken is looking.
'i can hear the sounds of violins..
long before it begins..
make me thrill as only you know how..
sway me smooth, sway me now..'-Michael Bubble
internet's been out for a while. lost touch with news and archery happenings. but life goes on. pretty much like when my handphone took a swim and drowned, doesn't really affect me. it affected others who are trying to contact me more.
anyway, life's pretty normal now. work pretty good. coaching pretty good. shooting pretty good. hope i can stay consistant. then i'll be alright for this year at least.
going overseas for a shoot. pretty excited. pretty sian. got lots of things to take care of. but i need a break.
it's just not right. something's missing. i want to find it. but..how? who can help me? it's a kind of feeling. something..weird..it makes you ballistic. makes you feel all-powerful. nothing can go wrong. sways you like nothing else does. how?
look-ken
look. ken is looking.
'i can hear the sounds of violins..
long before it begins..
make me thrill as only you know how..
sway me smooth, sway me now..'-Michael Bubble
Monday, January 10, 2005
braveheart
every man dies, not every man really lives.
do you dare follow where your heart tells you to go? do you dare live your life the way you want it? dare to give up things you always enjoyed/wanted/relied on for something you dreamt of? life is short and unexpected. it have twists and turns that no one can s@@. do we live for the now and dare to go boldly where we want? or do we play safe and make safe guards as best as we can?
another day passes by..another year. still i seem stuck at this stage where i am not bad but not good enough. have some but not enough. i do my best, try my best. what else must i do?
i give when i can. do what i thnk best. treat people as best as i can. who am i really?
don't really know why i feeling down again. not really depressed..just kind of irritated at myself and feeling lost and lonely. tired.
some people i knew went to send supplies up to thailand. some people i know went indonesia as medical team. some people i know going thailand as medical team. some poeple i know couldn't care less. people.
by orders or by their own will most people reach out to give when tragady befalls. it's heartening to s@@ people unite and support each other in times of great needs. but as these efforts are made, there are already some in indonesia aceh who are back on political track to push for independence. violence right after being chastised by nature. blinded by reasoning? no longer loving and feeling. human, no more. so many of us humans are born human, but lost our humanity and compassion.
we all die. but who lived? are you living? am i living?
living-ken
alive and dying. but not dead yet.
'that long black cloud is comin' down..
i feel like i'm knockin' on heaven's door..'Bob Dylan
do you dare follow where your heart tells you to go? do you dare live your life the way you want it? dare to give up things you always enjoyed/wanted/relied on for something you dreamt of? life is short and unexpected. it have twists and turns that no one can s@@. do we live for the now and dare to go boldly where we want? or do we play safe and make safe guards as best as we can?
another day passes by..another year. still i seem stuck at this stage where i am not bad but not good enough. have some but not enough. i do my best, try my best. what else must i do?
i give when i can. do what i thnk best. treat people as best as i can. who am i really?
don't really know why i feeling down again. not really depressed..just kind of irritated at myself and feeling lost and lonely. tired.
some people i knew went to send supplies up to thailand. some people i know went indonesia as medical team. some people i know going thailand as medical team. some poeple i know couldn't care less. people.
by orders or by their own will most people reach out to give when tragady befalls. it's heartening to s@@ people unite and support each other in times of great needs. but as these efforts are made, there are already some in indonesia aceh who are back on political track to push for independence. violence right after being chastised by nature. blinded by reasoning? no longer loving and feeling. human, no more. so many of us humans are born human, but lost our humanity and compassion.
we all die. but who lived? are you living? am i living?
living-ken
alive and dying. but not dead yet.
'that long black cloud is comin' down..
i feel like i'm knockin' on heaven's door..'Bob Dylan
Saturday, January 01, 2005
*updates*
life is pretty sedated. new year means not much to me. just another day. anyway just to point everyone wp happens by here to lookie at http://bladehelix.blogspot.com/. as usual wonderful post and some very good links. wish i could be as clear as he is when i write. haha..but guess i am not made for that.
wish everyone have a good year, day by day, moment by moment. live life to the fullest.
love-ken
love all.
'what's wrong with the world, mama
people livin' like they ain't got no mamas
i think the whole world addicted to the drama
only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
but we still got terrorists here livin'
in the USA, the big CIA
the Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
but if you only have love for your own race
then you only leave space to discriminate
and to discriminate only generates hate
and when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
badness is what you demonstrate
and that's exactly how anger works and operates
man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
take control of your mind and meditate
let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
people killin', people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father, father, father help us
send us some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me questionin'
where is the love (Love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love
the love, the love
it just ain't the same, always unchanged
new days are strange, is the world insane
if love and peace is so strong
why are there pieces of love that don't belong
nations droppin' bombs
chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
with the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
so ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
so I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
in this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
a war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
the truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
if you never know truth then you never know love
where's the love, y'all, come on (i don't know)
where's the truth, y'all, come on (i don't know)
where's the love, y'all
people killin', people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father, father, father help us
send us some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me questionin'
where is the love (love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love
the love, the love
i feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
as I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
most of us only care about money makin'
selfishness got us followin' our own direction
wrong information always shown by the media
negative images is the main criteria
infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
kids act like what they see in the cinema
yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
whatever happened to the fairness in equality
instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
that's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
that's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
there's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound
people killin', people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father, father, father help us
send us some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me questionin'
where is the love (love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love) '-Black Eye Peas, My fave song for 2004
wish everyone have a good year, day by day, moment by moment. live life to the fullest.
love-ken
love all.
'what's wrong with the world, mama
people livin' like they ain't got no mamas
i think the whole world addicted to the drama
only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
but we still got terrorists here livin'
in the USA, the big CIA
the Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
but if you only have love for your own race
then you only leave space to discriminate
and to discriminate only generates hate
and when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
badness is what you demonstrate
and that's exactly how anger works and operates
man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
take control of your mind and meditate
let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
people killin', people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father, father, father help us
send us some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me questionin'
where is the love (Love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love
the love, the love
it just ain't the same, always unchanged
new days are strange, is the world insane
if love and peace is so strong
why are there pieces of love that don't belong
nations droppin' bombs
chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
with the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
so ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
so I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
in this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
a war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
the truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
if you never know truth then you never know love
where's the love, y'all, come on (i don't know)
where's the truth, y'all, come on (i don't know)
where's the love, y'all
people killin', people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father, father, father help us
send us some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me questionin'
where is the love (love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love
the love, the love
i feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
as I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
most of us only care about money makin'
selfishness got us followin' our own direction
wrong information always shown by the media
negative images is the main criteria
infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
kids act like what they see in the cinema
yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
whatever happened to the fairness in equality
instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
that's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
that's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
there's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound
people killin', people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father, father, father help us
send us some guidance from above
cause people got me, got me questionin'
where is the love (love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love)
where is the love (the love) '-Black Eye Peas, My fave song for 2004
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