life choices

somedays..i don't know myself.

many times, i asked myself, "what do i want?" "who do i want to become?" "what drives me?" "what would i want to be known for?" "if it will come true, what would i wish for for myself?"

and, no, i am not trying to sell insurance to myself.

truth is i really have no idea these days. some time in the past, i thought i knew. i knew what i wanted to achieve and what would make me happy in the long run. i knew what i could suffer for. nowadays, i don't know what i want to get for the suffering or difficulties that i overcome.

it's like a game where the end point is no longer significant, and i wander around in it, doing aimless things. doing all the small things to get by and have no idea what's the main quest.

for some, that is good enough. it is good enough in a game for me too. right now..i really don't know. i don't know what i should be doing.

does everyone feel this way? most of  the time? it feels like i am stuck in this state for so many times, for so long. not sociable in this state. all my attention turn inwards whenever i can afford it.

'just give me a reason..
to keep my heart beating..'