motto(s)

truth and charity.

knowledge itself is power.

power is nothing without control.

chance favors the prepared mind.

God does not play dice.

is it not possible to lead a good life? or is it simply tough? or i am just plain unlucky?

all i want is a ladder sometimes. a guiding light. a gentle embrace. telling..ken..you are doing fine.

solitude is getting lonely.

anguish

angered actually.

this morning before i even wake up, my house became empty. mom went out to don't know where and dad got work in the morning. then the upgrading thing outside was pounding and pounding. my head just bursted. i snapped and smashed the keyboard.

this keyboard that i am typing with now. i fixed it. cleaned it in the process.

damn my temper. i hate it. bad mood the entire day.

if i could do anything, i would. but there's nothing i can do..right?

hope?

most times i hold hope close. in my heart where it keeps me going.

even in the most daunting of situations. i hope. i carry on.
sometimes i force myself to give up and let things go. they take time, but i eventually make it and start out in search for another fuel to drive me on.

this time. i wish..i don't know. hai. so far. told to stay far. yet so close. feels so close and..wanting to be so close at times.

confused. confounded. compounded. completely stupidified.

do i hope? do i dare hope? all i want is to be happy..with you.

reflections

while i was showering, thought about lots of stuff. wanted to blog.

now..mind blank..ha.

paradoxical life currently. between wants and reality. kind of sucks. kind of alright.

really lots to want to express. but nevermind. when the mood comes la.

thank you , huimin. i love you. and you know how it is. =)
be well ah, you dense object of a susanto.

and i love..you. you.

Quiz 9

woo..bonus was only guessed by Heidi. the most supporting of maybe 2 persons who are really trying the quizes. haha.

'The teacher marched quickly over to his old wooden desk and pulled out the top drawer.'

abit obscure. but not tough, i think. i think.=)

Team Keng Chio

we RoX.=)

not enough though. without training much we got 3rd for team and all got into I. ko. not bad for retirees..haha..our scores weren't good though. hai. we suck..but others suck more. not good signs. anyway..hopefully get more training in then do better..then we'll RoX more.

Team! Keng Chio!!

did pretty o..k..for tko la..not good..but not really bad. and got 3rd. if we went off against nats2 we could have won and gone into finals. but we didn't sOo..got 3rd..hehe..

iko..another matter. i sucked..hai..36, 33, 50. first two ends was darn nervous and cannot bring my number down. body kept shaking though i was strong enough. need more stress exposure and get used to it. mental. bzzt. last end brought it down to more familiar levels then hit 50. but abit too late..bah. still not at my optimal somemore. abit sian. lousy control. but shows that i can do well if i focus and get into my zone.

oh..yeah..!

other stuffs..trying not to think about it..it's..worrying..for me. bah. crapola.

anyway. thanks all who were there to support the team and i. really nice to have people rooting for you.=)

pretty bunrt out now..probably going to hibernate some days before workable again. nah..i'm not that weak or old. cool shit overall. just hoped to do better. not really out of expectations. but we should have done better given our team composition. oh well..shucks..cannot let it go..haha..

archery-sport/activity where the laws of physics, logic and commonsense have little application.

hmm..sounds like love. haha.

feelings

duality. feeling empty yet full at the same time. and no, it's not my stomach i am talking about.

empty cause of things in my life. and full cause someone i care alot about is really happy and doing much better than when i first known her. and that, made my day.=) having a silly grin now.

tomorrow, KO round. never thought we could make it. top 16 individual and top 4 teams. keng chio team without much training and preparations made it. haha. oh yeah..we don't suck that much..haha..

new fight tomorrow. new day to face. but today i nearly wept after i got home..

just a word

holey.

burn

baby burn.

crash and burn. the only pain i cannot take well is what's inside. and now..feels like a jagged knife twisting inside. the hell man. what the hell. what's wrong. ken. screw it shit head.

'misery likes company, i like the way that sounds
i've been trying to find the meaning, so i can write it down
staring out the window, it's such a long way down
i'd like to jump, but i'm afraid to hit the ground

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope, i got nothing to say
life is feeling kind of strange, since you went away
i sing this song to you wherever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms'
-Bon Jovi

hahaha..

ken-crap-alot. ken love alot. ken stupid alot. ken not alot.

singapore, my homeland

was going through this month's pioneer magazine.

i miss national day. being there at the parade. i can remember the feeling. the crowd. the atmosphere. i want to be there. i love singapore.

it may not be much and life here certainly isn't the best. but it is my homeland and where i grew up and where i became what i am. it's my motherland. haha.

been avoiding national day. but i guess after all, i really love to be there. to say the pledge. to sing our national anthem and to greet our ministers and president and to s@@ the march pass and be part of those who cheer our country on.

cheers, Singapore. many happy returns.

1,000 visitors since 17th may. not bad. 3 months plus. guessed the quiz helped..haha..whatever la. i don't even keep track these days.

and i will cover you all. let me burn so that you may raise above and shine in all your glory. God, my duties i will perform. though it hurts, i endure, for i know it's my purpose.

duty. honor. country.

since my specialist days, i believed in that. never fail any one of the above. there are many kinds of duties..not one should you fail. honor also many kinds, same, fail not. country, only one whom you owe allegence(sp) to. fail not any of them. i am doing what i can to do all that.

being good..not easy. but worth every second of sleep i lose and every gram of effort. because it is the right thing to do. i am naive like this. i am just a boy.

26th aug

mixed day. haha..like a mixed parentage thingy.

i am sleepy and stoned..sOo..please forgive my ramblings.

went for lecture at SSC. regarding recovery for athletes. pretty cool stuff and all. but too general i feel. but overal pretty interesting and met some people i know there. yay.

then slack around and ate ice cream. nothing much..just trying to relax and all. got pretty sleepy and all. oh well..kept disturbing SL..haha..wanted to talk about stuffs. not enough sleep so quite weird mood. will swing from stoneded to super talkative..but no one to talk to cause she's studying. bah.

then went to birthday thingy. pretty fun la. hang around friends and all. but then i was sleepy and stoned and sometimes want to crap but no one listens. bzzt. bzzt. beeZ around the place. LOTS of them. haha. first sting of my life there. why? cause boys are stupid. i went to do the carrem(sp) thing on it and the sting just nice lodge in my finger. haha. hurts quite abit, but still within tolerance. haha..i wonder what is out of tolerance. anyway yeah..helped cleaned up beeZ, which died all over the place. ate some food. and was forced to do the DDR thing. OMGness. i am a brick. moved like a super tanker in port. haha. quite interesting i guess..just not my kind of thing. oh well..seems like most people had fun. or everyone. wasn't really looking out cause i was stoner sheit. hai..

i am a brick.
but..i still feel for you. i just do. i don't know what to think sometimes. you are just so beautiful.
sOo..day ended later than planned..as usual and tomorrow pesta sukan.

daryl, tohjin, weijun..*evil grinz* LET'S ROCK THIS JOINT!!!

mood

ups and downs, real quick.

guess it the effect of being stressed, worried and busy. not much time to unwind and think about stuff. just do and do. pretty sian. but necessary.

oh well. but i'm pretty much alright. excited about the shoot. not prepared as i would like..but pretty cool. i know i can do about how much..hope i just do my best and let go.

let go..

guess not really. i don't really. that's my problem..too many things dragging me when i do things. but i survive.

people..i love you all! thank you for being around and being you.

*smiles*

Bonus Quiz

hey..pipboy visited my blog..!!

guess who is pipboy and from where..? get a bonus point..this should be easy..=)

exposure to direct sunlight can cause eye damage..

swing

mood swings.

bah.

'and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
and you bleed just to know you're alive

and i don't want the world to see me
'cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am.'-Goo Goo Dolls

muddled

actually alot of things on my mind..but..

perhaps too tired to put them into words here. perhaps too much of everything. perhaps too little of things i want. perhaps..it doesn't matter. life still goes on. i still need to do what i do.

if i wasn't around..perhaps thigns would be better..or worse..or simple same. who knows.

no longer in pain or anything. just a dull aching that let's me know that, 'hey, you need a break from things and chill out sometime.' yeah i know..but..some things cannot wait. somethings must wait.

want's and needs. do we really know the difference? is there really?

as i feel closer to God, i feel more at peace. feels that i can be better and do more. and i push myself to do more. so that others can be better off too. and for that..i really thank God. it's something i cannot explain..it just feels that way. as i trust more and have more faith..i go further and do more. though sometimes my faith falters some and i get really down..i know all i need to do is get up and go. He will guide me.=)

but as life goes on..we get blinded by our wants our greed for more. we must be wary of such pitfalls and do what is right and good.

it's all heart

'i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remains
more and more i need you now,
i owe you more each passing hour
battle between grace and pride
give up not so long ago
so steal my heart and take the pain,
wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
this sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that i despise
speak the words i can't deny
watch the world i used to love
fall to dust get blown away
i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
and i pray, and i pray, and i pray
take my world apart '-Jars of Clay

Quiz 8

'He fell asleep lying over the opening of the treasure room.'

this one's not that tough, but google still do not have it. =)

hmm..hmm..

anger management

wrath will be my downfall.

i get angry too easily..still. *sigh* usually i can keep my peace. but when something ticks me off..i go totally like 9-10/10. must work on it. MUST.

a report shall be here after the event.

too tough the quiz became? cause people in general, don't read enough or widely enough. but even i will be stumped by most of these quiz that are dependant on knowledge of a few books in the midst of millions of books. pretty unfair..but that's life. i wanted it to be easier..but googling and yahooing the quotes will spoil the fun of it.

lock and load..for tomorrow, we battle.

Quiz 7

'I present to thee a paperclip, with lint stuck on it.'

well well..

there you go. 5 more to the prize..Heidi leading..=)

the forum post does not count.

pwned

ok day today. should have been great..but..

went out for nice lunch today. pretty good lunch it was and great desserts that should have been greater. but was not due to time constrain..bah. time.

after which TP Archery Team got the Sports Team of The Year in TP. do you tiny little punks knw what that means? it means that in the entire TP, with all the sports team, we, the team is the best in the year 2004/5 acad year. it means that WE ROX!!

its an acheivement no doubt. but to me, i s@@ as just a begginning. we, as a team, should aim higher..for more awards. until all of us are the best we can be..and that my dear carbon-based-bipeds is limitless. we are only limited by our imagination and efforts to act on them.

we will RocK them SoXx off!!!

i feel very proud of the team. the efforts they put in. the way they handled themselves. and the way they are a TEAM.

then after which had dinner with them K.shoe and J.whiney. talked some about life and such. good people they all, just need some guidance once a while, like everyone else. hoped they s@@ me in good enough light to take me as their friend, coach, brother..

it's all heart, my man. it's all heart..

then studied, did work, slack at starbucks with SL.Tang. hah..she have got to be one of the most interesting person this year. good company nontheless. glad to have someone to hang with and talk to about stuffs. all kinds.

then.. .. ..went simpang Bed Ok with Monique. good company. chatted some and chilled while having prata and goreng magi.

chilled day.

all spoiled cause of work. too many too rushed. anyway..will do them as i can and do them as i will.

anything worth doing, is worth doing well.
DO NOT, shortchange yourself and your work.

wounded..still.

'cause it's you and me and all of the people
nothing to do, nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people and
i don't know why i can't keep my eyes off of you'-Lifehouse

*sigh*

posted some rants. angrily.

decided to remove them. angers serves no one.

to sum it all..

don't expect stupid people to do clever things.

nights and lots of love,
Ken Arris

posts

=)

too many things happening too fast. not really coherant normally..now even more muddled. anyway. nothing much to update. other than the below. my life is as below..

shooting..fine..not too good..not too bad. slowly getting back into it. shoulder pretty alright already. strength getting back up..still lacking though. skill wise improved..but needs more improvements. will take it slowly..time takes things..ermm..things takes time.

work..fine..rushed for stuff usually. not alot to do..but when there is..usually it was due two days before i know it..haha..oh well..work..life..and such.. do what i can la..

friends..pretty good. i love my friends. so many good people i can hang out with and chill.=)

family..same..more friendly with them nowadays. guess we all matured some and give each other more respect. they are people whom are my last line of defence against madness. they are people whom have made me who i am now. they are family.

otherwise..nothing much. do what i need to do. and plan for future..and try to do what i want. but life have is twists and turns and ironic moments. we do what we can. we walk on and survive.

sOo..all in all. life is pretty normal. not too good..not bad either.

'if there is love, there is hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace.
if the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue.'-Dalia Lama

the definition of love to me is wanting others to be happy. this love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance (including self-acceptance).

do you?

Quiz 6

'Time crawled when you were caught in situations like this.'

double checked everyway i could.

'google'->nemesis of quizzes.

Quiz 5

'No human being had been allowed to come so close for a thousand years.'

this is another tough one. looks like it'll stay this way to beat google and suchs..

someone : lets s@@ you do this.

visit

went to St Andrew Cathedral.

liked the place..since primary school. this time just walked in and sit in for service. hai..not done that in ages. feel slightly out of place..but not bad..i like the traditional way they have their services. sOo..solemn. so in touch somehow. and when i went in front to recieve blessing from the bishop, who was there cause of confirmation, i felt..good. don't really know how to describe.

but anyway..talked to the vicar and the person incharge of young adults things. will spend some time going there and talking to them and get to know more about everything. the place and people feels very homely and welcoming. i felt out of place with my stress and problems inside..but i guess it takes time and more to be at peace.

glad i walked around and went in.

thank you, my lord, for taking me in again.

anniversary

one year sinced i started blogging.

172 post. about one every two days average. hmm..

it have helped me let off steam. it have helped me expressed how i feel about certain subjects. it have also helped me be contacted by friends whom seldom meet anymore.

the past year have not been too good for me. after all that have heppened, i feel as if i stood still. not moved forward any. maybe even slided back. perhaps i think too much.

Quiz 4

'but i still spent a lot of time in my seventh-floor linen closet.'

try this. heh.

process

it's a process. to deal with loss.

getting through it i suppose. thanks for concern my friends. but i'm fine. just need some time. i guess..i am just dissatisfied with the way things turned out. ain't we all? to certain extend?

i think i am born old. i never liked partying. never liked to do foold hardy stuff to attract attention or such. maybe cause i feel that i am more sedated. more tired. and also VERY stubborn. i feel old compared to so many people and i wish to finish this thing soon. i feel as if i had enough..since..sec 2..i think. yeah. oh well..

pathetic

she's the filler of my days.

whenever my mind is empty, she gets in somehow. whenever i look at a photo, i look for her first.

i don't want to be like this anymore. it sucks. i wasn't like this the last few weeks. it's all coming back to me.

i want to be free. to soar. to spread my wings and be lifted by the winds. to do what my heart tells me to and bring hope.

how can i do that when i am a shadow myself?

reminisce

takes time to get it over with properly i suppose.

before that happens..i shall have to live with flash backs of moments so dear to me, it hurts. but to say it hurts lots is a lie. it hurts, but somewhat feels like i am used to the kind of hurt. the slight aching and yearning for memories, bitter sweet. the want to hold on to something which have become a shadow of lost hope.

one must look forward to move forward without mishap. i feel as if i stood still. unable to cleanly let it go. yet. surreal. the memories are a reminder of how difficult things can be. how close and how far it can be at the same time.

sometimes i wish to walk away. from everything in my life. and start anew somewhere. doing something i never done in my life. i know i can do reasonably well..i am pretty adapt at most things. reasons are varied. to get away from the drudery of life here. to remove myself from pains and hurt which are not my doing. to remove from hurt and pain which are. but that's just an empty dream, which will never come true as long as i have things i hold dear at present here. my family, my friends.

dull mood. cool day. the brain is not in at the moment. if you would please leave a message. thank you.

Quiz 3

tough one i think. to beat wiki and google. heh. s@@ how it goes.

'it appears that the greatest darkness is under the candlestick.'

take this!! internet search engines!!

payne

hai..the emptiness threatens to engulf me whenever i am alone.

as i walk along the streets or simply seated on a bus, memories overtake the surroundings and play themselves over and over in my mind. wonderously painful. sweet longings. a bitter sweet symphony. the scenes play across my mind as i go about my life. like cut scenes, a break from life, a respite from the stress, a stab in the back. like a traitor, my mind taunts me at my weakest.

a moment of weakness. i'll be fine, yet again.

the quiz thingy..it's not doing too good. there's very little participation. and there's google and wiki. well, i'll carry it through the 12 weeks. s@@ how it turns out. but i think it'll be the last. even though i find it fun and some others too..it's no fun when people can simply get the answers by searching.

rushed through some forms the SSC wanted. quite pissed with them..but then..they are the boss. it's over now anyway. hope things get better with the team. we need to be one unit.

life's pretty good actually. getting on with it. though i am left wondering, 'what could i have done?', 'why didn't i do more?'.

more confused than anything. more lost and wanting.

went to lighthouse, a church near my house. don't feel..right to me. maybe i am expecting something and am not open enough. but i am going to visit some of the churches i've been to before and s@@ how it turns out from there. i'm not saying anything other than, 'let's s@@ where this leads me.'

'i have climbed highest mountains
i have run through the fields
only to be with you
only to be with you
i have run
i have crawled
i have scaled these city walls
these city walls
only to be with you

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what i'm looking for

i have kissed honey lips
felt the healing in her fingertips
it burned like fire
this burning desire

i have spoke with the tongue of angels
i have held the hand of a devil
it was warm in the night
i was cold as a stone

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what im looking for

i believe in the kingdom come
then all the colors will bleed into one
bleed into one
well, yes i'm still running

you broke the bonds
and you loosed the chains
carried the cross
of my shame
of my shame
you know i believed it

but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what i'm looking for
but i still haven't found what i'm looking for ' - U2

Quiz 2

Quote 2: 'Sorry to interrupt the festivities, but we have a problem.'

quote where that came from and who to get another point!

the prize awaits!!!

national day

40th national day for singapore.

not bad for a little red dot. been through some tough shit. but not too bad..could be better..could always be better..but not bad at all.

about the quiz thing. email is the safest. but if people copy..and you are wrong..then all be wrong..haha.. finally some response for the last day of the first quiz.

staying happy.

feeling like a big scar. but still i have to go on. not happy at all inside. but there are things i must do. must. and so i burn.

still conflicted..still sorting out. and you walked away.

national day

wind

of change.

reworked my side bar some..to accomodate the quiz thingy.

i had comments on that it's really obscure. i know. heh. otherwise..where's the fun? please try. the prize have already been created. after 12 weeks we'll s@@ who gets the prize.

and so..life went on.

X-man

You scored as Cyclops. Cyclops is the team leader of the X-Men, and a skilled one at that. He loves Jean Grey very much. He's a strict and sometimes uptight leader, but he believes in his cause and he knows what he's fighting for... Peace between Mutants and Humans. Powers: Optic blasts Cyclops 75% Jean Grey 70% Rogue 70% Iceman 65% Storm 65% Emma Frost 65% Wolverine 65% Gambit 65% Nightcrawler 60% Beast 55% Colossus 55% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

paradoxed

general statements are never true.

edgey

my life have always been pretty on the edge.

it's like..when things happen..then things fly. apart or ahead. sledom a slow tempo my life doth runs. it's like perched on an edge, then any little force tips it. then i go tumbling down to whatever meets me at th bottom of the cliff or whatever.

now though..pretty sedated. pacing my work and most things. things hppen affects me less in the immediat. more stable i presume. but i presume much.

i want to be alright. but not like this. i understand..but i wish for more. though the ball is not in my court.

no one quizzing? haha..or it is too obscure? someone told me that people could copy fomr the comment thingy. well..if you think they are right then you go ahead. if it becomes a problem then i'll turn off public viewing for the comments. maybe simply..no one reads my blog..haha.

life is damn cool shit. it's so bloody hot chilling in life.

i don't know what i am saying..really. paradoxes runs my life it seems.

70% of the things i say is crap.

proper entry

ok here's one..some updates on me.

been darn busy with paper work. not done so much work since poly days. reports, charts, forms, typings.. .. ..piles of them. then triple replicate and send to SSC. goodness. why can't they work paperlessly. anyway..the worst is over. now have abit more time to get the charts that i WANT to do up and running. i want to do a filing system for every archer we have, with their info and scores and records and all. then every time we want something..we have it easy access. no more searching everywhere for it. then also training program..long term, immediat and for current team and potentials. we must cover all our bases or we'll lose them. then 'all our bases belong to them'. we die.

there are still plenty of problems in the comm. but i do my thing and ignore most of them. i know what i do and why.

fault me not..don't even thing about it..little man.

other than my work life. my coaching life is pretty sian..not enough time with each team to train..quite sian. hope for more..but i am not the only thing in the equation. shucks. i'll just do what i can then.

my own shooting..slacking..more mental than anything..but it's my physical that needs more work. oh well..do what i can. that's all i have left..for myself.

she. no idea still. still waiting. but not really hopeful anymore. but being like this also removes some potential stress/problems. not that i want it like this..but..come what may. life deals..i play. no answers..but does it even matter? it does..but that's me.

and i would. all you need is to ask.

'when i see you smile
i can face the world,
oh oh, you know i can do anything
when i see you smile i see a ray of light,
oh oh, i see it shining right through the rain
when i see you smile
oh yeah, baby when i see you smile at me'-Bad English

not seen for sometime..how i wish..but wishes are just that. my best intentions, my best is all i have.

Eph 6:6
with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:
knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether bond or free.

quiz

ok..thought about some stuff and all..but not related to what i am going to do..anyway a quiz i'll do every week..probably tuesday night.

it'll be a guess where the quote came from quiz. not new..i know. but i guess it'll be something to do here..i'll keep scores. here's how.

enter the answer into the comments area. with your name(nick or whatever). those who are correct will get a point. after maybe 10 weeks, i'll s@@ who got the highest score..maybe, MAYBE i'll get a prize of something. i'll keep scores on the side bar. quotes may be from movies, games, song lyrics or a book. nothing more. but it's already a huge field. IF you can prove the quote is from somewhere other than what i state, you get a point too.

cool? whatever. i'm doing it. if no one participates..well..no problem..i'll entertain myself.

first quote : When I was five, my uncle was decapitated by a watermelon.

guess away folks.