the past week was..difficult. the passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew made me sadder than i expected. i laid on my bed in a daze when i saw the news on twitter. didn't feel like going to work, didn't feel like doing anything. went to work anyway. it's what he would do, get up and make it a better day.
tried to queue to pay respects at the Parliament House. turned away when the soldier gave an estimated time-line that i couldn't afford that day. also, met some unpleasant situation in the queue that day and didn't want to stay in the queue angry.
on the day that was the final send off, state funeral and all, i was relieved of my duties at my work actually. i woke up and went anyway. lucky i did, there were too much crowd and too little manpower to filter and control. and when it poured, situation got worse, with many seeking shelters for their elderly parents or young children. gave out ponchos and umbrellas, offer sheltered best that i could, in the end even gave up my own umbrella to a family of four, with two young kids with one umbrella between them.
i felt like i didn't do enough, that what i did was duty, only duty. i felt i have not reached into the recess of my being and do what i could. i felt, inadequate.
in the shadows of his passing, i thought about his family, especially hong and hao. knowing them, they will be grieved and yet contain it within themselves to try to help everyone else i the family. they are are strong and close-knit family, they will grow and do greater things in time to come. but at this moment, their grief must be great indeed. to not even have a moment of peace with their yeye. to be in the spotlight from the onset. to share with everyone, sincere or not. even at the end, they were not alone among family. i don't know how they felt, perhaps they are already used to this. perhaps they don't mind and even seek solace and comfort knowing that their grief is shared by many and their yeye is proudly claimed as friend in many high places. thank you, for letting Singapore take so much of him.
i don't know. i wish i could offer whatever i could as a friend and be of more help.
beyond my musings, i have noticed a few points that i would like to type here to remember them better than my memory could.
the volunteers and uniformed forces, SPF, SAF, CD and medical crews, really really admire their efforts. the changing situation and quick deployment must have been a major disruption to many people's plans, but they did it. they worked through the night, stood in the sun and in the pouring rain. forgoing their comforts to provide for others. even the officers went on the ground to support their men and did the same saikang. salute! my fellow Singaporeans.
in the queues to pay our last respects to Mr Lee, there were many things that pissed me off. people taking selfies as if they are going to a concert. if you are to take one or two at scenic locations along the way, fine, you are being an ass, but a tolerable ass. if you keep taking every 10 minutes and have happy smiling face, you are being a fucker. we are going to pay our respects to LKY and you can take your fucking selfies non-stop along the way. knnbccb, go home lock your door throw away the key and burn yourself to death!
another thing was the queue cutting. a group of ITE students just happily went outside the line and went ahead while laughing and saying 'why not why not.' indeed why not, uneducated, unwashed, uncultured chee byes. no wonder the man was afraid of literate but uneducated Singaporeans. seems like we have more illiterate and uneducated people these days. and again, while being told to sit and wait on the Padang holding area, some groups of cocksters just ignored the instructions and walked slowly forward and tried to get into the holding area in front. hello! this is not a game, walking slowing and not making noise doesn't mean you cannot be detected.. shameless.
it is a mournful thing, a respectful thing to go and pay respects to a person. by doing all these cockanaden things, seriously, might as well stay home and masturbate.
and lastly about the media. the extreme media views on both sides. they were expected, some were fair, some were biased, some were childish and some were heartfelt. what i thought was the most malicious were from foreign medias trying to portray LKY as a huge villain, using his interviews, taken out of context, patching them to give a perspective of a man that cheated the nation. there are many things in Singapore that are not as 'free' as the rest of the world, and that in my opinion, is a good thing. we should not disclose the details of our reserves and our holdings. we should not remove laws that prevent politicians from lying about one another. we should not care whether the next PM surname is Lee, Li or Goh. We should not use today's world view to view what was done in the past. last time, mata also wear shorts.
like many who offered fair views, i agree that he did what he thought was best and necessary. he knew the actions were not worth the risk of not doing them, even if they might be wrong or unethical. he did them and faced the consequences, that only he knew in his heart, for what? so that we here have what we have. and what we have is plenty.
my family struggles more than most, i would say, financially and otherwise. we survive and still have a roof, still have meals everyday and goodness! i'm even on the internet and my parents are still watching TV! we can complain, he knew it since the 70s, but through he passing, we also recognised that his vision and leadership built this nation for the better. he took a strong team, pushed them to turn this tiny island into something bigger than it's parts summed up.
tried to queue to pay respects at the Parliament House. turned away when the soldier gave an estimated time-line that i couldn't afford that day. also, met some unpleasant situation in the queue that day and didn't want to stay in the queue angry.
on the day that was the final send off, state funeral and all, i was relieved of my duties at my work actually. i woke up and went anyway. lucky i did, there were too much crowd and too little manpower to filter and control. and when it poured, situation got worse, with many seeking shelters for their elderly parents or young children. gave out ponchos and umbrellas, offer sheltered best that i could, in the end even gave up my own umbrella to a family of four, with two young kids with one umbrella between them.
i felt like i didn't do enough, that what i did was duty, only duty. i felt i have not reached into the recess of my being and do what i could. i felt, inadequate.
in the shadows of his passing, i thought about his family, especially hong and hao. knowing them, they will be grieved and yet contain it within themselves to try to help everyone else i the family. they are are strong and close-knit family, they will grow and do greater things in time to come. but at this moment, their grief must be great indeed. to not even have a moment of peace with their yeye. to be in the spotlight from the onset. to share with everyone, sincere or not. even at the end, they were not alone among family. i don't know how they felt, perhaps they are already used to this. perhaps they don't mind and even seek solace and comfort knowing that their grief is shared by many and their yeye is proudly claimed as friend in many high places. thank you, for letting Singapore take so much of him.
i don't know. i wish i could offer whatever i could as a friend and be of more help.
beyond my musings, i have noticed a few points that i would like to type here to remember them better than my memory could.
the volunteers and uniformed forces, SPF, SAF, CD and medical crews, really really admire their efforts. the changing situation and quick deployment must have been a major disruption to many people's plans, but they did it. they worked through the night, stood in the sun and in the pouring rain. forgoing their comforts to provide for others. even the officers went on the ground to support their men and did the same saikang. salute! my fellow Singaporeans.
in the queues to pay our last respects to Mr Lee, there were many things that pissed me off. people taking selfies as if they are going to a concert. if you are to take one or two at scenic locations along the way, fine, you are being an ass, but a tolerable ass. if you keep taking every 10 minutes and have happy smiling face, you are being a fucker. we are going to pay our respects to LKY and you can take your fucking selfies non-stop along the way. knnbccb, go home lock your door throw away the key and burn yourself to death!
another thing was the queue cutting. a group of ITE students just happily went outside the line and went ahead while laughing and saying 'why not why not.' indeed why not, uneducated, unwashed, uncultured chee byes. no wonder the man was afraid of literate but uneducated Singaporeans. seems like we have more illiterate and uneducated people these days. and again, while being told to sit and wait on the Padang holding area, some groups of cocksters just ignored the instructions and walked slowly forward and tried to get into the holding area in front. hello! this is not a game, walking slowing and not making noise doesn't mean you cannot be detected.. shameless.
it is a mournful thing, a respectful thing to go and pay respects to a person. by doing all these cockanaden things, seriously, might as well stay home and masturbate.
and lastly about the media. the extreme media views on both sides. they were expected, some were fair, some were biased, some were childish and some were heartfelt. what i thought was the most malicious were from foreign medias trying to portray LKY as a huge villain, using his interviews, taken out of context, patching them to give a perspective of a man that cheated the nation. there are many things in Singapore that are not as 'free' as the rest of the world, and that in my opinion, is a good thing. we should not disclose the details of our reserves and our holdings. we should not remove laws that prevent politicians from lying about one another. we should not care whether the next PM surname is Lee, Li or Goh. We should not use today's world view to view what was done in the past. last time, mata also wear shorts.
like many who offered fair views, i agree that he did what he thought was best and necessary. he knew the actions were not worth the risk of not doing them, even if they might be wrong or unethical. he did them and faced the consequences, that only he knew in his heart, for what? so that we here have what we have. and what we have is plenty.
my family struggles more than most, i would say, financially and otherwise. we survive and still have a roof, still have meals everyday and goodness! i'm even on the internet and my parents are still watching TV! we can complain, he knew it since the 70s, but through he passing, we also recognised that his vision and leadership built this nation for the better. he took a strong team, pushed them to turn this tiny island into something bigger than it's parts summed up.
