ender's end

just finished reading the main plot(i think) of the ender's series. the ending was not as climatic as i thought it could be. i think it was the writing style, laying the things down as they happen and tying up the loose ends.

it's an awesome series. the issues exposed there are huge and intimate at the same time. and i feel they are very important questions for us all. the stories are believable and characters grow and have sufficient depth. it's easily the best story i have read. having a great central character who is very human and understandable, having a great story that stems from many small stories of many people and places and most of all, having the wonder of discovery throughout the story.

it have definitely shape the way i think in the short one week. i can feel myself changing and being molded as i experience the characters' struggles. i learn new ways of thinking and being from the challenges and pain in the books.

yes i am a huge fan now.

and as i embark on another journey of my life, hoping to walk on strongly with dignity and hope. i ponder, but try to stop myself from being stuck. i move on, as sometimes we come to a point where holding on to the life that was once ours, have become a coffin on our backs. and to break free from it is to give ourselves freedom, to be once again us.

to be me. to be free to be me. to be free to learn to be me. the end of one, is the beginning of many others. as it have done it's part, we let it go. not without yearning or pain, but knowing that there is a time for everything.

seeing through

it's the what? spotlight effect? self-centered-ness in humans?

i thought what i did and was doing, and even to some extend, thinking, was obvious. and that people knew, but avoided speaking to me about it cause it was impolite or not their business. i suppose i think i was wrong. nobody knows much, or even think about that what i was doing was more than on the surface.

has it been concluded that it will go one way or another? certainly not, in my opinion. though that is perhaps the reflection of my own confusion and doubt.

we'll see..we'll see..

count down

give myself two weeks to figure this out.

i think it's more or less a done deal..just need some time to let things happen as they do while i ready myself.

learnt to push myself higher and focus more, even under adverse conditions. i love it. though i made some mistake, i still did good in my own eyes. got to up the game.