huh? read and think. then you'll know. i hope. for your sake. no, not the japanese rice wine.
hope that life could be good and happy and cherry and all that. guess it's not as simple as that. andi don't know why.
i have swallowed anger on a bus full of india indians who stick their butt at you when there are plenty of aspace around. maybe they are used to crowd and cannot stand not being in touch with anyone. i bear it. with clenched jaw and fist. any closer and i don't know what i'll do.
i have been patient and kept silent regarding the nonsense people who use the range on sunday. all talk and no action. yes range unkempt and messy. who uses it? there's lots of rubbish. whoes could it be? i wonder. though only for a nanosecond. cause the answer is simple. and obvious. and in the end it's left to someone who seldom use the range anymore to clean it up. how shameful. i admit i was slow. i got the plan up only after it was cleaned. hope it stays clean.
i am more tolerant. more peaceful. more calm. and much less lazy now.
but still unhappy at times. is it simply to vary the days? to make us appreciate the good ones? or is it something lacking still. i guess everyone have bad days and down days. though the change from agood day to a bad day happens real fast. moment. one single moment. no different formt he last or the next. yet such an impact on one's perspective on everything.
ranting. rambling. not happy. slightly angry. slightly sad. slightly is relative.
perhaps i ask too much. perhaps my standards for certain thigns are too high. perhaps.
i have no clue as to why such things happen. couldn't things work smoothly for once.
hurt and pain. my close companion for so long. thought they have left..for good. now back again at such unexpected times. and i know not the reason.
i should have changed that stupid lock
i should have made you leave your key
somethings feel so weird. yet so comforting. it changes me. it made me want to be better and do more to ensure thigns are fine.
and love dares you to care for
the people on the edge of the night
and loves dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves
changed. for the better i hope. i hope you too. <3
no idea why. hope to be in the know though. hmm.
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
more thievery
credits to casey..for the last one too. be well and at peace.
How bad are you...
Are you a good or bad boy/girl?? Add one point for everything you have done. If you get more than 60 - you are bad! Lower than that-- no worries you're still a little angel!
BE HONEST!!! NO CHEATING!
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7 =D ermm..
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9 getting worse it seems..
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 4 phew
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band name
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 2
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 3
51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 3
61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 6 oh no..
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 2
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 7
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 4
Final total: 47
haha..not that bad..phew..
How bad are you...
Are you a good or bad boy/girl?? Add one point for everything you have done. If you get more than 60 - you are bad! Lower than that-- no worries you're still a little angel!
BE HONEST!!! NO CHEATING!
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7 =D ermm..
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9 getting worse it seems..
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 4 phew
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band name
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 2
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 3
51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 3
61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 6 oh no..
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 2
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 7
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 4
Final total: 47
haha..not that bad..phew..
religion?
 | You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com |
hmm..doesn't say much..but well..i believe.=)
there must be heart. if you have no heart for what you do..you have nothing.
Friday, April 21, 2006
days
days come and days go.
things get better and things gets worse.
happy. then get angry then get happy again. or not.
i want to care and it's tough. caring for you. you..someone else.
perhaps my idea of being well is too much. perhaps i am just all too sensitive and critical. perhaps i ask too much.
guess it's my turn to get mood swings.
things get better and things gets worse.
happy. then get angry then get happy again. or not.
i want to care and it's tough. caring for you. you..someone else.
perhaps my idea of being well is too much. perhaps i am just all too sensitive and critical. perhaps i ask too much.
guess it's my turn to get mood swings.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
break
been awhile since i blogged. was busy..been overseas and had camp. so now decided to just type and s@@ what comes out. heh.
quite abit to do the past weeks. regarding work and stuff and been hanging out with people and enjoying life as it is given. pretty alright i guess, though there are frustrating parts. people and happenings do not always go the way we want. guessed i matured abit in this regard, less tight assed and angry when things go wrong. able to put it aside and do what i can and what i need. i like it. things are smoother and i am happier, generally.
and as God have given me so much. i hope in trun i can give and do God's work, by His will.
i dont' know what may come tomorrow but i know i want to do what i can to help others. i hope i can contribute to the happiness of people around me. i love so many people, my friends, my family..and in general everyone. when people are happy they also usually react less aggressively and then in turn make other people's day better and so on. sOo..start a day happy and be determined to stay happy and in turn it may not be too difficult to make people happy. simplistic and optimistic..but well..if it works sometimes, it's already worth it. since it also makes yourself happy.
keep faith. dream on. have love.
faith, hope and love. God's gift.
give me some years back i'll have alot of reasons not to be a believer. all the questions, somewhat unanswerable or cannot be answered to my satisfaction. i was of the mind that if no one can answer me satisfactorily i'll not let myself believe. through some turn of events, i got back to church and let myself be talked to and once again let myself try to believe. this time i guess i learnt the meaning of faith. it's not something you can logicalise to be true or false. it's not something you can touch or see. if it can..it doesn't need faith and trust and believe. simply because it's so much more than what we can percieve and comprehand perhaps that's why i couldn't bring myself to believe. i remember somebody once told me why she is a christian, simple because she believes there's a God.
that's it. simple and powerful. though i left it aside for some months before realising that i have been given the answer i have been looking for. it's simply 'i believe. i have faith.' that's it. there is no question. the questions are not important anymore. not because i have felt His presence, or His works, or being touched by Him, or having been graced so much in my life. it's simply i believe.
and that have been the difference in my life. such a simple change and such a big difference. letting God take my life and work His will. taking it as He gives.
God is my shepard, i shall not want.
love, unconditional, giving, trusting, what else coud be said..?
from www.dictionary.com
deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
underlying sense of oneness..haha..nice one there isn't it. that doesn't say anything i guess. perhaps it's all different to certain extend for everyone. and for me..the above says what i think it should be.
a kind of care and concern and wanting the best for someone or something that is unconditional, giving and trusting. not asking anything in return.
and so..i am me. i love.
now this mountain i must climb
feels like a world upon my shoulders
i through the clouds i see love shine
it keeps me warm as life grows colder
in my life there’s been heartache and pain
i don’t know if i can face it again
can’t stop now, i’ve traveled so far
to change this lonely life
i wanna know what love is
i want you to show me
i wanna feel what love is
i know you can show me
-Foreigner
quite abit to do the past weeks. regarding work and stuff and been hanging out with people and enjoying life as it is given. pretty alright i guess, though there are frustrating parts. people and happenings do not always go the way we want. guessed i matured abit in this regard, less tight assed and angry when things go wrong. able to put it aside and do what i can and what i need. i like it. things are smoother and i am happier, generally.
and as God have given me so much. i hope in trun i can give and do God's work, by His will.
i dont' know what may come tomorrow but i know i want to do what i can to help others. i hope i can contribute to the happiness of people around me. i love so many people, my friends, my family..and in general everyone. when people are happy they also usually react less aggressively and then in turn make other people's day better and so on. sOo..start a day happy and be determined to stay happy and in turn it may not be too difficult to make people happy. simplistic and optimistic..but well..if it works sometimes, it's already worth it. since it also makes yourself happy.
keep faith. dream on. have love.
faith, hope and love. God's gift.
give me some years back i'll have alot of reasons not to be a believer. all the questions, somewhat unanswerable or cannot be answered to my satisfaction. i was of the mind that if no one can answer me satisfactorily i'll not let myself believe. through some turn of events, i got back to church and let myself be talked to and once again let myself try to believe. this time i guess i learnt the meaning of faith. it's not something you can logicalise to be true or false. it's not something you can touch or see. if it can..it doesn't need faith and trust and believe. simply because it's so much more than what we can percieve and comprehand perhaps that's why i couldn't bring myself to believe. i remember somebody once told me why she is a christian, simple because she believes there's a God.
that's it. simple and powerful. though i left it aside for some months before realising that i have been given the answer i have been looking for. it's simply 'i believe. i have faith.' that's it. there is no question. the questions are not important anymore. not because i have felt His presence, or His works, or being touched by Him, or having been graced so much in my life. it's simply i believe.
and that have been the difference in my life. such a simple change and such a big difference. letting God take my life and work His will. taking it as He gives.
God is my shepard, i shall not want.
love, unconditional, giving, trusting, what else coud be said..?
from www.dictionary.com
deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
underlying sense of oneness..haha..nice one there isn't it. that doesn't say anything i guess. perhaps it's all different to certain extend for everyone. and for me..the above says what i think it should be.
a kind of care and concern and wanting the best for someone or something that is unconditional, giving and trusting. not asking anything in return.
and so..i am me. i love.
now this mountain i must climb
feels like a world upon my shoulders
i through the clouds i see love shine
it keeps me warm as life grows colder
in my life there’s been heartache and pain
i don’t know if i can face it again
can’t stop now, i’ve traveled so far
to change this lonely life
i wanna know what love is
i want you to show me
i wanna feel what love is
i know you can show me
-Foreigner
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
深海
就让我沈溺 爱深不见底
抵抗痛苦没有力气 我爱你从不盼你
回报万分之一 你不该走的那么彻底
就让我忘记 再回到过去
欺骗自己比较容易 我好想醉身海里
远离风风雨雨 拔掉我心上所有呼吸
怎知我情深似海 全都是泪来灌溉
困陷在感情深渊不能醒来 海越深
越是平静越是冰冷 爱越深
越是执着越是天真 我对你情深似海
你毫不眷恋离开 你教我怎么相信昨天存在
谁不想一旦付出就要精彩
偏偏你选择他来给你未来
-赵传
抵抗痛苦没有力气 我爱你从不盼你
回报万分之一 你不该走的那么彻底
就让我忘记 再回到过去
欺骗自己比较容易 我好想醉身海里
远离风风雨雨 拔掉我心上所有呼吸
怎知我情深似海 全都是泪来灌溉
困陷在感情深渊不能醒来 海越深
越是平静越是冰冷 爱越深
越是执着越是天真 我对你情深似海
你毫不眷恋离开 你教我怎么相信昨天存在
谁不想一旦付出就要精彩
偏偏你选择他来给你未来
-赵传
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
life and such
been normal i guess. some minor problems..as usual.
feeling abit low today. had a great service, and great time before i reach the range. time at the range and after service was..bleah.
abit out of sorts..i know the problems are there. but it's not something that i can solve. changing people's mentality and mindset and how they view me. i am me. if they want to play cliques and isolate me. why should i care? cause it's my job? seriously..in my opinion. most of these people should be out of the picture. out of my picture. i do my job. if you want to bypass me and look for whoever..is it my problem? i am here to help you, but i cannot help you, if i don't know the problem. heck, i don't even know what's happening..cause you don't let me know. i am not there on weekends cause i have other commitments. just as you people are not there on weekdays cause you have other commitments. do i have to conform? no, fuck you.
i am me. i do what i do. i do what i can. if you don't trust me enough to let me do my job then your failure to trust and respect, caused me to fail and eventually the whole system. my job is to be a middle man. to work out between two parties. one side use me. one side don't. what am i to do? am i to blame? cause i am not there? cause i am not made know the issues? i say, 'please bang a wall to yourself.'
you got your job, that's to do your best. i got a job, and i do what i can. i got other jobs like you. you expect more from me? more than you are giving? if hell have not a place for you, i'll make one.
more pissed than i thought i was. cause i guess i am doing my best on top of my other things that require my attention. some of you think that i am only doing this, perhaps? you are wrong. i am doing this cause i thought i can help. i am not in for the money. what money? i can earn more working part-time, please.
bah. irate.
thank God for the blessings in my life, for without, i would be crushed.
i could stay awake just to hear you breathing
watch you smile while you are sleeping
while you’re far away dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
lying close to you feeling your heart beating
and i’m wondering what you’re dreaming
wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
then i kiss your eyes
and thank God we’re together
i just want to stay with you in this moment forever
forever and ever
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
i don’t want to miss one smile
i don’t want to miss one kiss
i just want to be with you
right here with you, just like this
i just want to hold you close
feel your heart so close to mine
and just stay here in this moment
for all the rest of time
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
i don’t want to miss a thing
-Aerosmith
feeling abit low today. had a great service, and great time before i reach the range. time at the range and after service was..bleah.
abit out of sorts..i know the problems are there. but it's not something that i can solve. changing people's mentality and mindset and how they view me. i am me. if they want to play cliques and isolate me. why should i care? cause it's my job? seriously..in my opinion. most of these people should be out of the picture. out of my picture. i do my job. if you want to bypass me and look for whoever..is it my problem? i am here to help you, but i cannot help you, if i don't know the problem. heck, i don't even know what's happening..cause you don't let me know. i am not there on weekends cause i have other commitments. just as you people are not there on weekdays cause you have other commitments. do i have to conform? no, fuck you.
i am me. i do what i do. i do what i can. if you don't trust me enough to let me do my job then your failure to trust and respect, caused me to fail and eventually the whole system. my job is to be a middle man. to work out between two parties. one side use me. one side don't. what am i to do? am i to blame? cause i am not there? cause i am not made know the issues? i say, 'please bang a wall to yourself.'
you got your job, that's to do your best. i got a job, and i do what i can. i got other jobs like you. you expect more from me? more than you are giving? if hell have not a place for you, i'll make one.
more pissed than i thought i was. cause i guess i am doing my best on top of my other things that require my attention. some of you think that i am only doing this, perhaps? you are wrong. i am doing this cause i thought i can help. i am not in for the money. what money? i can earn more working part-time, please.
bah. irate.
thank God for the blessings in my life, for without, i would be crushed.
i could stay awake just to hear you breathing
watch you smile while you are sleeping
while you’re far away dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
lying close to you feeling your heart beating
and i’m wondering what you’re dreaming
wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
then i kiss your eyes
and thank God we’re together
i just want to stay with you in this moment forever
forever and ever
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
i don’t want to miss one smile
i don’t want to miss one kiss
i just want to be with you
right here with you, just like this
i just want to hold you close
feel your heart so close to mine
and just stay here in this moment
for all the rest of time
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
cause i’d miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i’d still miss you baby
and i don’t want to miss a thing
don’t want to close my eyes
i don’t want to fall asleep
i don’t want to miss a thing
-Aerosmith
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