off again.

one last time this year..

i done all i remembered to do and know how. i hope that's all. i hope it's enough.

leaving at 0945 today. coming back on the 5th SQ73..should reach SG around 1745.

i'll miss you. all of you.

final stage

for this year.

23rd SEA Games Manila.

28th Nov 05 - 4th Dec 05

www.2005seagames.com.ph

Subic Bay Freeport Zone

Archery

Team Singapore..we ARE READY!!

Let no one say, we did not do our best.

some fun

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical
world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help
others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are rare, making up between 20 and 25 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

The Four types of Idealists are:

Healers (INFP) Counselors (INFJ) Champions (ENFP) Teachers (ENFJ)

i am an idealist-counselor. hah. who is a low ranked nerd. =)

海阔天空

今天我　寒夜裡看雪飄過
懷著冷卻了的心窩漂遠方
風雨裡追趕　霧裡分不清影蹤
天空海闊你與我　可會變〔誰沒在變〕

多少次　迎著冷眼與嘲笑
從沒有放棄過心中的理想
一剎那恍惚　若有所失的感覺
不知不覺已變淡　心裡愛〔誰明白我〕

原諒我這一生不羈放縱愛自由
也會怕有一天會跌倒
背棄了理想　誰人都可以
那會怕有一天只你共我

仍然自由自我　永遠高唱我歌　走遍千里

背棄了理想　誰人都可以
那會怕有一天只你共我

-BEYOND 曲︰黃家駒 詞︰黃家駒

只想到最后有这感觉..
为了海阔天空, 而没放弃理想..

grasping air

when things are lost and gone..what do you do?

nothing. there's nothing you can do..really.

we all will..rather should feel sad, about loss of something, someone precious in our lives. things and persons you truely love and enjoy being with. you spent time with and shared dreams and maybe rely on. things or people you are close to. things you do not want to go away from you. to ever disappear from your life. to be with you to share your life with. your joys and woes. your ups and downs.

but when such a thing is taken from you. either physically or emotionally. unable to reciprocate the feeling or to work for you anymore. no longer having the same closeness. no longer able to always be there as and when you want it to. no more moments where you share that no one else can understand.

this hurt, i know. i went through a loss as such. magnitude so huge i thought i would just die. but, in fact, some part of us dies when such happens. a chunk of your life is removed. parts of your dreams are dead. some pasts altered, some future never ever.

what can anyone do? nothing. life deals the cards, we just play. we hang on. we carry on.

life's a cruel sadistic bitch sometimes.

what can be done is to search for new things, new meaning to fill the part that it was suppose to be at. there can be no replacement..but one must look forward to new things possible, when the old is no longer possible. when one dwells on the past and what it could have been, then one forgets that when one thing ends, it makes time and space for the beginning of another.

of course it is not easy to hang on and move on! you life changed! how can it be easy?!? your dreams shattered and your hopes dashed..!! only your memories left. with no more new events to fill in. a part of your life dies..a future possible become naught. how can it be easy??

but to dwell on it. at something you know is lost. though natural somewhat and ineviatably tempting to continue dreaming about a past, a future that's not possible.

only grasping air with bare hands..

ken?

Your Type is INFP
Introverted 44
Intuitive 75
Feeling 25
Perceiving 11

INFP type description by D.Keirsey
INFP type description by J. Butt

Qualitative analysis of your type formula You are:
moderately expressed introvert
distinctively expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed perceiving personality

sicked

recovered mostly..now left with dry cough..*ahem*

sick but cannot take rest..stil lmust run here and there..do this and that. but luckily nowadays less things to do in a way..just need to prepare for the trip.

the trip.

quite stressed up. i could screw up then i'll be responsible. that's why i am extra careful and doing all i can to make sure everything is ok. it's all mental. my first games..and SSC people say it's the worst games so far.. best liao lor..

life in other areas are pretty good. good friends. good work so far. quite happy.=)

my room is very messy..like my mind.

原諒我這一生不羈放縱愛自由
也會怕有一天會跌倒
背棄了理想　誰人都可以
那會怕有一天只你共我

仍然自由自我　永遠高唱我歌　走遍千里
-Beyond

void

feels pretty empty in my life now.

things are alright. friends are still fun and cool. work is work. shooting improving. life grade = 5/10.

am i asking for too much? expecting too much?

just feel normal. nothing special. quite tired and busy..but gotten quite used to it. will settle things as they come and do what i can. that's all i can do.

don't tell God, how big your problems are.
Tell your problems, how big your God is.

who?me?

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

space for rant

not been myself since about last week..some days before my birthday.

this year seems to be hitting me hard. guess lots of new things in my life and lots of dissatisfaction about stuff. people. people. people.

i love you. but i am not in love.

all of you..i do. but just ken..only ken. and that's not really good enough.

no idea why..but it's like a painful week so far. nothing wrong..nothing bad..nothing out of the ordinary. i just seem to be angry, pissed and sad. all the bad moods. sometimes hitting a 0/10. that's where i mark it as, ken wants to crush things/or go hide somewhere.

i want to know why. i have a out of the world guess. which even i am not ready to accept. but that aside. really i have no idea why.

even today..suddenly i just feel baka.

been busy with SNOC, SSC, AAS and all sort of acronyms that cause me pain to deal with. always give me late things to do. always give me overdue things to catch up. and they don't cooperate. not within themselves or with each other. really really..WTH

hope things get better..or i'll be no longer the ken that even i know of..

i want to be who i want to be..and that's ken.

06112005

eventful i must say.

hanged out at monica's place since last night with a bunch of TP archers..watched russell peters, taxi, went for supper then played monopoly. at somewhere midnight they gave me by presents..a card and a baseball bat. hah.

then slept till about 1000, then went TM for brunch. then home for a short break. ripped hancock into mp3. really GREAT music. jazzy..funk..junk.!!haha..nope..it's really nice.

then went down to city hall area walk around..chill..music in my ears, feet on road..just walk. i like that feeling. after awhile jia and heidi found me..so we just hanged out and did nothing till dinner.

dinner at marche..again..i like the food..sOo..there. they gave me some picture thingy which is quite cute but i would rather they not spend the money. i don't need or want such stuff. but thanks alot folks. for trying to hang out..even though i wanted to escape.

then nothing. took bus with heidi then stopped at airport to chill. cold, little noise and i have good music. great combo for stoning. then monica came..did nothing..then sent me home.

thanks alot everyone. i know you all care. sorry that i am moody. i am just weird like that. please don't spend money next time.

updates

life's been busy these days.

lots to do. lots do worry and think about. and lots of other stuff on my mind as well.

as the date get closer, the tension in me seems to mount. things must be done quick and precise. everything must be done, else we might fail. perhaps i am putting myself through to omuch stress. but it seems to me that it hangs by a thread, a thread that i am part of. but a single strand, nonetheless important to hold on. perhaps i overstate my importance.

been hanging out more with people. staying happy.=)

love all you folks around.

sOo..such is life. coaching. working. hanging. pretty good.

but still a missing something. nothing i can do about now i suppose. or rather nothing i know to do that i think will make it better.

my heart is still empty in that spot..will it ever be filled..i wonder.