that which redeems

what can i do?

redemption..is over rated.

tears in the darkness.

to 'make things right'.

coming to this world day

my day?

personally i still don't see the point of celebrating birthdays. i feel it's just another day. cause time is just a concept..a convenience to make things easier to keep track. there isn't any markers or steps in time. it's us who put days and months and weeks to keep things within our abilities to comprehend.

sOo..my birthday is actually Earth time 1980AD 06th November, by Human reckoning.

something like that..hah. by actual time, that the world started..inconceivable to us mere humans.

and actually even if i do celebrate the day that i came to this world as a complete human. i would celebrate my mom. cause it's her who was instrumental to my physical existance. i do give her a big hug on my birthdays. and when i can i do bring her out to a meal on my birthday. SOo..i guess not too bad..i guess.

there are many things i want in life, and non of them can be given to me by someone else. they are mostly things i must achieve or something i cannot control. sad..in a way..to me.

i want. . .

there are things that can be bought i guess, like a laptop, hah, a big house with all kinds of weird shit that i want.. a BMW 530i, a sniper rifle and a range to shoot in, and all sorts of weird items for me to make weird items out of.

impractical things from a deranged mind.

humor?

Seven[7] things that will scare me...
-God
-losing control of myself
-forced to do something that i know i will regret

Seven[7] things that I like most...
-archery
-friends
-family
-my bow and other archery equipment
-staying calm
-games that challenges oneself
-challenging people's comfort zones

Seven[7] most important things in my room...
-archery equipments
-books
-computer, for communications, music and games
-bolster=)

Seven[7] random facts about me...
-i am messy. very
-i am very different when you catch me alone
-overcame alot of personal, irrational prejudices regarding alot of things
-am a big tight-ass regarding alot of things
-doesn't care much about myself
-feels old
-thinks that life is too short

Seven[7] things that i can do...
-archery
-make people wish they never even heard of me
-eat alot when in the mood(4bowls of rice followed by and earthquake)
-heal faster than average
-bend my fingers into weird positions, finger only
-go into a rage when i am in pain, physical or otherwise(don't tempt my wrath)
-take care of people well..i think.=)

Seven[7] things that i can't do...
-sing, singapore's storms are mostly caused by me
-play any musical instruments. very sad
-stand clever idiots
-forgive myself
-do enough to help others and myself

Seven[7] phrases that i say the most...
-*changes too fast*

Seven[7] celebrity crush...
-*wth you talking about?i dont even watch tv. and i don't give a damn.*

Seven[7] peeps that i love to see them do this quiz...
-you
-you
-you
-you
-you
-you
-you

weird shit. damn i'm too free. yes, not all have seven things..cause i cannot think of anymore. if you think i have more..let me know.=)

holding on

to..?

what can we really hold on to? i really wonder. thoughts are slightly confused, but i'll try to express what i feel as properly as i can.

people around us. how can we hold on to them? they got their own lives and own other things to do. i mean we all want to share time with someone else, maybe someone special, but what it all boils down to, is that everyone got their own lives to lead. even in marriage, each got a part to play, you cannot be spending 24/7 together and stay very sane i think.

and also, people die. we all must go sometime. and anytime. it's not up to any of us. when we go, we go. can you hold on to anything?

and lastly about people, sometimes it's like grasping sand. the more you try to hold, the more will slip away. perception and emotions and moods and all that. sometimes it feel like the more time you try to get together with someone, the worse the feeling becomes. and the less value the time becomes too. isn't it kind of weird. but yet makes sense..i think.

less time == time valuable.
many time == time less valuable in relation to above.
true? for most i would say true. most.

other than people around us that we have trouble holding on to, physical objects are totally not even a consideration. as they are objects and are simply too flimsy to give too much damn about. they spoil, they break, they get stolen, they simply screw up.

sOo..to me, it's like cherish things you have around now. but don't expect them to stay. things change, don't be holding on till you are hurt.

have, good.
don't have, oh well, was nice having it.

that's what i think anyway. live in the now..love what you have, and who you have.

be present to live your life, now.

another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
so make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
it's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

so take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
for what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
i hope you had the time of your life.
-Greenday

quizing around

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

oh no..

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

well well..

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

huh..really..?!

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

i s@@..

contemplations

life's been good. or something like that.

nothing bad happened..i think. just work. coaching and TM stuff. nothing bad. nothing much, really.

friends, been pretty alright. nothing big. still caring. still hanging. still chilling.

what's wrong with life like this? is there anything wrong?

perhaps lacking a direction. in aspects of life where there seems to be no growth, there's a lack of desire to do well, better. things are just..fine. if things are bad, means it can be better. can be improved. if things are good..things are good. but now things are like 5/10..which is ok/fine, but seemingly dull. perhaps it's internally that's lacking direction and drive to excel and grow.

plans in the coming year. save up for coaching lvl 2. perhaps a sports related dip/deg, depending on the cost. continue coaching, perhaps stop being TM, try to get back to shooting competitively.

plans in the long term. _dea. trying out to see how far i can go in two directions already..career wise. what else do i need? what else do i want?

perhaps i don't show it much. i really miss having somebody around, to be special. to share life, to support each other, to be able to understand each other and try to decide what's best for each other. i guess it's been under lying for a long time..just that there's nothing i can do about it..it's intangible..it's not up to me.

all i can do..hope..and pray. that God have install for me, someone special in my life to come. but whatever the case, i'll do what i do and let things come as they come.

just being more emotional than usual. cause i am stressed. about things. work. bah.

i will survive..but i am not happy at all.

ribs

injured.

very very damn painful. been a long long time since i had such pain. last time was my finger, which was made worse by emotional pain. this is totally physical pain. and it's worse than the finger thingy.

the whole story of this injury stretched back to early this year. injured while sparring with someone and he fell on me with his elbow on my rib. then last week i was 'tau pok'ed..making the half healed injury worse. then today over stretched while playing around during trainings. and then the pain.

went to the hospital for an x-ray as i feared my rib could have cracked and i would die in my sleep as my lung get pierced. haha..but luckily, it ws not cracked or anything. so then the doctor and i thought probably the membrane between the rib and lung got injured. and i was given pain killers and two days MC. as if i need it. but anyway. nothing i can do to help it heal externally.

baka.

i can tolerate lots of pain, physical pain. and this is near my threshold. damn.

good thing have good friend around. went with me to hospital. then went to cc to chill got people to joke and talk to. which is good.=)

thanks folks.

lamp post

was talking to some people then i thought about this.

i feel that sometimes i am like a lamp post in the dark night. i mean it's abit far off..but it's what i felt at that time.

i am like a lamp post in the night..dark..cold..lonely. along the road. like the only lamp post you see in a picture kind..where everywhere else is dark. except the lamp post. i am this lamp post..where people come to when they are in the dark. when they are lost, but not really. where they feel they need a light and something more solid to lean on and rest and clear their mind. or to rant and cry and 'let it out'.

i am there..for people to lean on..to lash out at..to accompany them in their solitude. to light up their lives briefly, if they allow me to. to show them some stuff about their problems..themselves maybe.

then once they are well. ready to get along life again. when they have done being down. they move away from this lamp post. they get along in their lives..hopefully better and clearer. and the lamp post is alone..again.

sometimes i feel that way.

hmm

the below things is nice..i like it quite alot. i mean i hope i am that which it says i am..cause i try to be.

the picture quite nice too..though the sword is abit big. like very phallic. hah. nevermind.

i think i am less talkative now. i mean about my own things. i want to..but no one i really want to talk to about. it's like close..but also..like hai.. it's just me who's abit more closed up.

and blogs are less about me now.

i think i am too stressed up. bah.

be back properly, i promise.

wow

A guardian angel watches over you. You are kind,
sweet, and generous. You put others before
yourself and you never let anyone get left
behind. You may be a bit shy at times. When
you are around your friends though, you are fun
and exciting! When you are comfortable you are
able to open up. It's when you are somewhere
unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or around those you
are not familiar with that you are shy. You're
caring and above all loving. You're guardian
angel keeps good watch over you and is always
protecting you.


Who is your soul guardian?
brought to you by Quizilla

dare

'one of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't.'
Henry Ford

Quiz End

Heidi wins..!!

daryl did not stand a chance..hahaha..!!

someone and yiwie, thanks for playing.

all thanks to google, i had to make them all so obscure. bzzt.

wonderwall

and all the roads we have to walk are winding
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding
there are many things that i would like to say to you
but i don't know how
-Oasis

enough?

me thinks some things are never enough.

random thought.

as i stare at your glory, i am blinded and yet made whole.

stolen

from haha's blog. and edited some slightly.=)

courage is the discovery that you may not win..
and still trying when you know you can lose.

compassion is passion with a heart.

the only thing in the whole universe people need to control..
is their attitudes.

how a person wins and loses,
is much more important than
how much a person wins and loses.

if you only do what you know you can do
you never do very much.

getting what you want is not nearly as important
as giving what you have.

talent without humility is wasted.

awaiting

a few more days to go.

unbreakable

been thinking a long time.

if something cannot be lost, cannot be injured, cannot be broken..how much value will it have in people's life?

if your heart cannot break. doesn't hurt. would you cherish a loving relationship? if you never felt betrayed, would you cherish when you have a great friend? if people will never die, will you cheirsh who they are?

i think not. at least not as much as you would, if they can disappear from your life.

what we have is precious, is sometimes, usually, because they can be taken from us. those who never felt the loss of a certain thing..may never learn cherish it.

thinking about kids with parents who dotes on them totally. like everything they want they get. they get their way, their say and everything. like an emperor. they never cherish anything. use. play. eat. done with it..throw. they may know the cost of an object, but they will never know it's true value.

on the other hand, there are some people who have to work for everything they have. every single cent is hard earned. you won't see them throwing away things that still can be used. they won't get something just because they feel like it. things that they bought, they cherish and use it carefully. taking care of it.

same with lots of things in our lives. people around us. the concern, the friendship, the love and care we give to one another. maybe until you have been betrayed, been alone and been out casted, you won't know what friends mean to you.

friend. what a word. some know what kind there are in their lives. some don't care. some see people as just objects to be used to further themselves. how many real friends, who don't backstab you and take you for granted, do you have?

i am lucky to have some. i have been quite loner since sec 3 till after NS, where i mix around with archers abit more. and now, i am really glad to have some friends who have always been there..listening to me..be with me when i am down. whom i share my problems and joys with. whom they too share with me. for all these friends, i am blessed.

been lost and now found.

everything have a cost and value. it's almost impossible to place value on things that are irreplacable. life, love, friendship, trust, knowledge, blah blah blah..

alot of things..once lost, can never be the same.

un-break my heart
say you'll love me again
un-do this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
un-cry these tears
i cried so many nights
un-break my heart, my heart
-Tony Braxton

Final Quiz

'That's, like, totally out of the realm of scientific possibility.'

final one. but Heidi already won!!!

yay..!! congrats..!!