just woke up.
came home showered and had a light dinner..then slept. then went for dinner..then slept again..then now awake..again..!! weekend was just flat out tiring.
waking times:
saturday : 5-0000
sunday : 5-1830
woah..glad i lasted the shoot not too badly. team event was much better than my individual shoot. my team, HSJ + LW + ken. our ranking == SuXXoRs. but..we managed to fight to the finals and lost to top seeded 'HaXXoRs LT Woo + WP + BO'. i was mentally out by the last shoot, think i psyched up too much for my TP team..then i mentally no longer able to focus properly for my shoot. but oh well..we were out classed. even if we did our today's average..we would have lost. we did our best and enjoyed the ride..=)
PPCC1 Team Silver. went through CDANS3, NUS1 and then CDANS1 to get to the finals. what a fight. each of us had ups and downs..but we covered each other and survived to the end. oh yeah..!!
finally..i felt i did ok. i fought with everything i had..and was rewarded. thank God.
TP standard mens Team GOLD!! kudos to TP2, smelly shoe+will i am+care bear. did well..especially mentally. against NTU and their mindless yaloring, they remained a well of calmness and whopped their sorry asses..haha.. i am over-joyed and feeling cocky for TP right now. pardon my attitude.
the other TP teams did not fare as well..but they learn somethings about shooting in competitions as well as about their own shooting. now we can work on them and improve.. all according to plan. step by step..we progress.=)
sOo..ends a weekend. and i am going to die again.
Gal 5:26
let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
not for glory of self. but for goodness and grace that is of God.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
father's day
seldom do we celebrate our relationship with our father.
cause he is always busy..earning our daily bread and or playing golf or fishing..=) i almost never said nice things about my dad. but today i feel i must.
when i was young..he taught me by example. to try things on our own and know the dangers. always be careful and yet daring.
he let me drink a dark colored drink. which was stout. i thought was coke. bleah!!
he would disappear at times on fishing trips and come back..his boat sometimes get's blown off course and such..scary for my mom i'd bet. but..kinda cool!!
he would explore new market to go into..doing all kinds of weird things at his factory. and bringing back strange artifacts!!!
then as i grew older he let me have what i wanted with only words of caution that things that i have are material and i must find something i want to do. never did he deny me money or anything he could afford.
50 per week for secondary school is really overkill. and computer and books and games and what have i.
he let me shoot without stressing me about studies..it's lucky that i 'woke' up after doing badly in sec 2.
computer on new year's eve! my first and i broke it in a day..then i learned to cherish things i have more..
again as i got older still, he let me do anything i wanted. only telling me that what i do i must be responsible for it. in the end it will come back to me.
when taking Os i started working in oct. one month before Os. then my poly course.
then my decision to be a full time archer/coach. my choice of friends, lifestyle at that time.
and right now..he tries hard to do what he can for our family. working as so many things. helping people still. won't s@@ him home till late at night..either working extra or helping friends out.
he also caution me to chose friends carefully and never make enemies. if anything bad happen..try to make it better. not by giving in..but by reaching out to s@@ the needs of others.
though he can do himself a favor by quitting drinking and smoking..i know it is not as easy as just me saying it. but i know he does what he can for us.
sometimes he'll buy things for us that we don't really need, thinking it's what we want..even though money is tight for him. not his fault..and it's quite funny. when you get home after a long day and find something on your desk that your dad bought..
i know he won't read it here. but i am going to say it to him when i s@@ him later.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!
i love my dad..even though i know he's stubborn and an old timer..just like me..!!
cause he is always busy..earning our daily bread and or playing golf or fishing..=) i almost never said nice things about my dad. but today i feel i must.
when i was young..he taught me by example. to try things on our own and know the dangers. always be careful and yet daring.
he let me drink a dark colored drink. which was stout. i thought was coke. bleah!!
he would disappear at times on fishing trips and come back..his boat sometimes get's blown off course and such..scary for my mom i'd bet. but..kinda cool!!
he would explore new market to go into..doing all kinds of weird things at his factory. and bringing back strange artifacts!!!
then as i grew older he let me have what i wanted with only words of caution that things that i have are material and i must find something i want to do. never did he deny me money or anything he could afford.
50 per week for secondary school is really overkill. and computer and books and games and what have i.
he let me shoot without stressing me about studies..it's lucky that i 'woke' up after doing badly in sec 2.
computer on new year's eve! my first and i broke it in a day..then i learned to cherish things i have more..
again as i got older still, he let me do anything i wanted. only telling me that what i do i must be responsible for it. in the end it will come back to me.
when taking Os i started working in oct. one month before Os. then my poly course.
then my decision to be a full time archer/coach. my choice of friends, lifestyle at that time.
and right now..he tries hard to do what he can for our family. working as so many things. helping people still. won't s@@ him home till late at night..either working extra or helping friends out.
he also caution me to chose friends carefully and never make enemies. if anything bad happen..try to make it better. not by giving in..but by reaching out to s@@ the needs of others.
though he can do himself a favor by quitting drinking and smoking..i know it is not as easy as just me saying it. but i know he does what he can for us.
sometimes he'll buy things for us that we don't really need, thinking it's what we want..even though money is tight for him. not his fault..and it's quite funny. when you get home after a long day and find something on your desk that your dad bought..
i know he won't read it here. but i am going to say it to him when i s@@ him later.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!
i love my dad..even though i know he's stubborn and an old timer..just like me..!!
Saturday, June 18, 2005
bzzt
*keep on laughing,
keep on breathing,
keep on striving,
keep on trying,
keep on hugging,
keep on kissing,
keep on smiling,
keep on experiencing,
keep on thinking,
above all.. keep on loving!* V(^_^)V
got the above from someone's blog. i totally agree. things get you down sometimes..but all you have to do is get back up and keep going. it makes you stronger to go through tough times. it's not easy at times..but you always have God..even if you have no friends or family.
the gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.-chinese proverb
shot alright today..for the amount i train. that does not mean i am not disappointed. i did meet my expected score. i know i can do better..given more training..but as it is..i did alright. though..i know i can be better. lost to people with f***ed up form..that's what i hate the most. losing to the top people is fine..cause they trained hard and have good form and conditioning and all..but to those C**NS people..GRRRR...ARGH!!!!!
i will be back..stronger..better. mark my words.
keep on breathing,
keep on striving,
keep on trying,
keep on hugging,
keep on kissing,
keep on smiling,
keep on experiencing,
keep on thinking,
above all.. keep on loving!* V(^_^)V
got the above from someone's blog. i totally agree. things get you down sometimes..but all you have to do is get back up and keep going. it makes you stronger to go through tough times. it's not easy at times..but you always have God..even if you have no friends or family.
the gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.-chinese proverb
shot alright today..for the amount i train. that does not mean i am not disappointed. i did meet my expected score. i know i can do better..given more training..but as it is..i did alright. though..i know i can be better. lost to people with f***ed up form..that's what i hate the most. losing to the top people is fine..cause they trained hard and have good form and conditioning and all..but to those C**NS people..GRRRR...ARGH!!!!!
i will be back..stronger..better. mark my words.
Friday, June 17, 2005
remarkable
how stupid one can get..
i meant me. after which that happened..i realised how idiotic was the things i said. OMGness!
i am sorry. it's like my brains loaded a function which meant to say things that are inherently mean and meaningless at the same time. i have no excuse, except my stupidity.
s@@..that what i mean by i think i am still a stupid little boy. hai.. ..
competition tomorrow..should be asleep..but hunger is keeping me awake. just ate something..sOo..will probably sleep in a few tens minutes.
if things were simpler..if things were better..if..
but they are such. sorry..if in any way it's bad for you.
there's this feeling that i cannot find words to express. it's partly wistful, sad, longing, hopeful, scared, excited, afraid of what's to come, waiting for what's to come to come, dreamy, don't dare to hope..all mixed up. turns my stomache into a cement mixer machine thingy. make my brains wants to stop thinking and think more at the same time. that's why i am going mad. i am already mad to start with..this is making me more sane and mad. which make me more mad. bzzt!
just somethings to say to people.
mon->hope you are alright..have not meet up with you and just chill for a long time already..take care ok..if anything you know i'll help as much as i can. but you know yourself best..do what is needed. i care..even if you don't think so..
D->sometimes things takes time. everything have their own time. don't rush. there's this story of this person who want to learn a martial art. he seeked out this master and asked how long it takes to master the skill.
master-10 years
person-if i train double hard and take less time to eat and sleep and train more..how long?
master-20 years
it's not only the effort..there have to be a proper pace..or else things might take longer and more effort. you know that. just remember when things takes time. do soemthing else or just take a breather. my teacher who opens the store now taught me that we must all take time to stand and stare..look at all the pretty flowers..or else..what are we living for?
casey-things may be hard and unbearable..but we have in all of us the ability to endure and persist, no matter what. i will always be here if you need a listen ear or a hand to punch. don't inflict upon yourself anymore. mental pain is more than enough to endure..don't add to it. there are good times and bad. don't ever let yourself, and everyone who's with you, down.
***-do what you need to do. there is a need for things to turn around sometimes. you know what you do best. do your best as usual and let things go. not everything can be in control or estimated. that's the fun part isn't it? let go and enjoy the ride. live life boldly..take chances..plan ahead and go at it. be true to yourself.
darn the evil ken..!!
i meant me. after which that happened..i realised how idiotic was the things i said. OMGness!
i am sorry. it's like my brains loaded a function which meant to say things that are inherently mean and meaningless at the same time. i have no excuse, except my stupidity.
s@@..that what i mean by i think i am still a stupid little boy. hai.. ..
competition tomorrow..should be asleep..but hunger is keeping me awake. just ate something..sOo..will probably sleep in a few tens minutes.
if things were simpler..if things were better..if..
but they are such. sorry..if in any way it's bad for you.
there's this feeling that i cannot find words to express. it's partly wistful, sad, longing, hopeful, scared, excited, afraid of what's to come, waiting for what's to come to come, dreamy, don't dare to hope..all mixed up. turns my stomache into a cement mixer machine thingy. make my brains wants to stop thinking and think more at the same time. that's why i am going mad. i am already mad to start with..this is making me more sane and mad. which make me more mad. bzzt!
just somethings to say to people.
mon->hope you are alright..have not meet up with you and just chill for a long time already..take care ok..if anything you know i'll help as much as i can. but you know yourself best..do what is needed. i care..even if you don't think so..
D->sometimes things takes time. everything have their own time. don't rush. there's this story of this person who want to learn a martial art. he seeked out this master and asked how long it takes to master the skill.
master-10 years
person-if i train double hard and take less time to eat and sleep and train more..how long?
master-20 years
it's not only the effort..there have to be a proper pace..or else things might take longer and more effort. you know that. just remember when things takes time. do soemthing else or just take a breather. my teacher who opens the store now taught me that we must all take time to stand and stare..look at all the pretty flowers..or else..what are we living for?
casey-things may be hard and unbearable..but we have in all of us the ability to endure and persist, no matter what. i will always be here if you need a listen ear or a hand to punch. don't inflict upon yourself anymore. mental pain is more than enough to endure..don't add to it. there are good times and bad. don't ever let yourself, and everyone who's with you, down.
***-do what you need to do. there is a need for things to turn around sometimes. you know what you do best. do your best as usual and let things go. not everything can be in control or estimated. that's the fun part isn't it? let go and enjoy the ride. live life boldly..take chances..plan ahead and go at it. be true to yourself.
darn the evil ken..!!
wants..
things.
things we want and do not have makes us unhappy. things that we have we don't see them as wants anymore. so wants will keep making us unhappy.
no idea what i am trying to say. just pretty unhappy these few days again. a few factors i guess. not prepared enough for the shoot and i guess want something more. yet i know i shouldn't. taking things easy..as easy as they come.
sOo..much uncertainty. not even a respite..a break by which i could meditate on things. to rest and recover. i guess i am easily drained. always giving my best to people..attention and thoughts and all that. when i just chill out..i just stay at 4/10 the whole time. when i work..it goes to 9/10..then i get tired then it goes 2/10. bah..lousy brains. opps..brain.
'you will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace.'-Yoda
physical-7/10 - feels slightly unwell..but generally alright.
mentally-8/10 - mostly prepared and chilled.=)
emotionally-5/10 - bzzt! logic failure.
spiritually-8/10 - psa 23:1 the LORD [is] my shepherd; i shall not want.
will just do what i do and the rest is not up to me.=) at peace i will be..for the Lord watches over me.
my favorite version of the song. so much emotions in the same two words.
'and i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know, hey i ought to leave the young thing alone..'-Al Green
things we want and do not have makes us unhappy. things that we have we don't see them as wants anymore. so wants will keep making us unhappy.
no idea what i am trying to say. just pretty unhappy these few days again. a few factors i guess. not prepared enough for the shoot and i guess want something more. yet i know i shouldn't. taking things easy..as easy as they come.
sOo..much uncertainty. not even a respite..a break by which i could meditate on things. to rest and recover. i guess i am easily drained. always giving my best to people..attention and thoughts and all that. when i just chill out..i just stay at 4/10 the whole time. when i work..it goes to 9/10..then i get tired then it goes 2/10. bah..lousy brains. opps..brain.
'you will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace.'-Yoda
physical-7/10 - feels slightly unwell..but generally alright.
mentally-8/10 - mostly prepared and chilled.=)
emotionally-5/10 - bzzt! logic failure.
spiritually-8/10 - psa 23:1 the LORD [is] my shepherd; i shall not want.
will just do what i do and the rest is not up to me.=) at peace i will be..for the Lord watches over me.
my favorite version of the song. so much emotions in the same two words.
'and i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know,i know, i know, i know, i know
i know, hey i ought to leave the young thing alone..'-Al Green
bestest
it's by His grace we are able to do anything..just shoot for His glory.-K..
yes i will. though i know i am unprepared. not as prepared as i like by far. but still i said i'll shoot. and therefore i will. do my best and leave the rest to whatever comes.
i find myself lacking in faith still. seperated somehow..from my beliefs. that's why i still search within. wait for me..please..
'i've been down, now i'm blessed
i felt a revelation comin' around
i guess its right, its so amazing
everytime i see you i'm alive
you're all i've got, you lift me up
the sun and the moonlight
all my dreams are in your eyes'-Carrie Underwood
yes i will. though i know i am unprepared. not as prepared as i like by far. but still i said i'll shoot. and therefore i will. do my best and leave the rest to whatever comes.
i find myself lacking in faith still. seperated somehow..from my beliefs. that's why i still search within. wait for me..please..
'i've been down, now i'm blessed
i felt a revelation comin' around
i guess its right, its so amazing
everytime i see you i'm alive
you're all i've got, you lift me up
the sun and the moonlight
all my dreams are in your eyes'-Carrie Underwood
quizzes(s)
| Your EQ is |
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. |
You Are 80% Psychic |
You are so very psychic. But you already predicted that, didn't you? You have "the gift" - and you use it daily to connect with others. You're very tapped into the world around you... Just make sure to use your powers for good! |
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
stone
nope..i rock..haha..
nar..stoner day today actually. slept till fourteen hundred officailly then went to coach. they are doing alright..but could be better. after this competition will enforce they change and make them shoot better.
nice weather to sleep and do nothing..but here i am online doing nothing. chatting..not really also. reading online..done for the day. more like surfing around stuffs.
been thinking alot..i guess i am close to be who i want to be as a person. except when i get angry and lose my head. i don't like that at all. other than that..i need to work on taking care of myself more and be more conscious about my spendings.
truth and charity.
the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
we have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
-albert einstein
faith. there are alot of things that cannot be reasoned..only felt in the heart. God. love. fear. we are given the gift of intuition/faith..to trust them may be our only salvation.
mind's abit jumbled up right now. thinking about lot of things at the same time. shall stop here.
'with an ironclad fist I wake up and
french kiss the morning
while some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head
while we're talking
about all of the things that i long to believe
about love and the truth and
what you mean to me
and the truth is
baby you're all that i need
i want to lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonigth i sleep on a bed of nails
i want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
and lay you down on a bed of roses'-Bon Jovi
nar..stoner day today actually. slept till fourteen hundred officailly then went to coach. they are doing alright..but could be better. after this competition will enforce they change and make them shoot better.
nice weather to sleep and do nothing..but here i am online doing nothing. chatting..not really also. reading online..done for the day. more like surfing around stuffs.
been thinking alot..i guess i am close to be who i want to be as a person. except when i get angry and lose my head. i don't like that at all. other than that..i need to work on taking care of myself more and be more conscious about my spendings.
truth and charity.
the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
we have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
-albert einstein
faith. there are alot of things that cannot be reasoned..only felt in the heart. God. love. fear. we are given the gift of intuition/faith..to trust them may be our only salvation.
mind's abit jumbled up right now. thinking about lot of things at the same time. shall stop here.
'with an ironclad fist I wake up and
french kiss the morning
while some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head
while we're talking
about all of the things that i long to believe
about love and the truth and
what you mean to me
and the truth is
baby you're all that i need
i want to lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonigth i sleep on a bed of nails
i want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
and lay you down on a bed of roses'-Bon Jovi
more
there is always more.
more than words can express. for me at least..language is not my strong point. usually when i feel something or want to describe something..i am at a lost for words. it's like the words i know are inadequate to express what i truely want to say. tried to learn more by reading, but to no avail. of course i won't give up..but maybe my vocabulary will not expand to my satisfaction..ever.
sOo..many things happen everyday. want to blog sometimes in the middle of the day. when things just occured, but have no chance to. then now at night..don't have the urge to anymore. the emotions i can muster now is at best, a pale shadow. there is usually more thougths than what i manage to blog here. sOo..much escapes me when i am busy and focused on other things.
truely man are confused beings. at least i am and have been for a long time before. sOo..many conflicts within me. wants, needs, duties, right, good..and how. at least i settled about what i really belief in..though i am still taking my time to study and learn and talk about it with people before i decide what to do with a faith. it is important. like a cornerstone of a building. more to go in this direction.
more things to do than i can accomplish. i want to do more..but i am only human.
so close sometimes..yet not close at all.
more than words can express. for me at least..language is not my strong point. usually when i feel something or want to describe something..i am at a lost for words. it's like the words i know are inadequate to express what i truely want to say. tried to learn more by reading, but to no avail. of course i won't give up..but maybe my vocabulary will not expand to my satisfaction..ever.
sOo..many things happen everyday. want to blog sometimes in the middle of the day. when things just occured, but have no chance to. then now at night..don't have the urge to anymore. the emotions i can muster now is at best, a pale shadow. there is usually more thougths than what i manage to blog here. sOo..much escapes me when i am busy and focused on other things.
truely man are confused beings. at least i am and have been for a long time before. sOo..many conflicts within me. wants, needs, duties, right, good..and how. at least i settled about what i really belief in..though i am still taking my time to study and learn and talk about it with people before i decide what to do with a faith. it is important. like a cornerstone of a building. more to go in this direction.
more things to do than i can accomplish. i want to do more..but i am only human.
so close sometimes..yet not close at all.
Monday, June 13, 2005
longest journey
the longest journey of any person is the journey inward.
-dag hammerskjvld
reflected on the weekend and decided that i am still pretty much a stupid boy. plenty much to learn still and more importantly..self-control. anger serves only the enemy. will work on it. to continuously better myself.
Psa 37:8
cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
it has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
we shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.
few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.
-albert einstein
tired. not much words to put out here.
peace within before without.
-dag hammerskjvld
reflected on the weekend and decided that i am still pretty much a stupid boy. plenty much to learn still and more importantly..self-control. anger serves only the enemy. will work on it. to continuously better myself.
Psa 37:8
cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
it has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
we shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.
few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.
-albert einstein
tired. not much words to put out here.
peace within before without.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
touched
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions. 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. You'll die, but may achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and compassion with reckless abandon.
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
A friend was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean. As my friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had washed up on the beach, and, one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water. My friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said. "Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you are doing." "I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen." "I understand," my friend replied, "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many. And don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?" The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, "Made a difference to that one!"
"I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy,even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power that can move the world." Mahatma Gandhi
POVERTY
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" " It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked."Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
so much we can learn in life's lessons..if only we s@@ and hear what God is trying to tell us through all these.
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions. 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. You'll die, but may achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and compassion with reckless abandon.
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
A friend was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean. As my friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had washed up on the beach, and, one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water. My friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said. "Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you are doing." "I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen." "I understand," my friend replied, "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many. And don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?" The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, "Made a difference to that one!"
"I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy,even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power that can move the world." Mahatma Gandhi
POVERTY
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" " It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked."Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
so much we can learn in life's lessons..if only we s@@ and hear what God is trying to tell us through all these.
fallout
"i'll get you during my next save game."--the chosen one
anyone played fallout 1 & 2? it has got to be the most enjoyable and replayable game i ever played. and i played lots. the graphics are not up to todays standard, but..if you are playing games for graphics..then i am sorry for you..the game play and story and it's openess makes it one of the best gaming exp one can ever have in my opinion.
the inter-school was good. better than expected. though marred by some events, i will not pursue it. i did not handle that particular situation well at all. i am sorry to all who were affected. i thought i could be chill..but i blew. i must be better next time such things happen. i am glad my team did well generally. very proud of them. can s@@ them doing their best, even those with very little training. the fighting spirit is there throughout. i am really proud of them doing that.=)
decided..yet tough to let go. i guess i'll still practice when i can..but focus will be on my athletes. heartache..for the joy of shooting and shooting well is indescribable. but one have to do what one have to do.
anger is the weapon that serves only the enemy.
a story for all who pass by..
during the civil wars in feudal japan, an invading army would quickly sweep into a town and take control. in one particular village, everyone fled just before the army arrived - everyone except the zen master.
curious about this old fellow, the general went to the temple to see for himself what kind of man this master was. when he wasn't treated with the deference and submissiveness to which he was accustomed, the general burst into anger. "you fool," he shouted as he reached for his sword, "don't you realize you are standing before a man who could run you through without blinking an eye!"
but despite the threat, the master seemed unmoved. "and do you realize," the master replied calmly, "that you are standing before a man who can be run through without blinking an eye?"
we are who we are all the time..only if we are unmoved by events. we must act on things and do things, but to be affected by things we cannot control is folly. do what we can at the moment to the best of our abilities and knowledge. live life one moment at a time, boldly. our best is what we have.
love : wanting others to be happy..unconditionally.
do you understand?
anyone played fallout 1 & 2? it has got to be the most enjoyable and replayable game i ever played. and i played lots. the graphics are not up to todays standard, but..if you are playing games for graphics..then i am sorry for you..the game play and story and it's openess makes it one of the best gaming exp one can ever have in my opinion.
the inter-school was good. better than expected. though marred by some events, i will not pursue it. i did not handle that particular situation well at all. i am sorry to all who were affected. i thought i could be chill..but i blew. i must be better next time such things happen. i am glad my team did well generally. very proud of them. can s@@ them doing their best, even those with very little training. the fighting spirit is there throughout. i am really proud of them doing that.=)
decided..yet tough to let go. i guess i'll still practice when i can..but focus will be on my athletes. heartache..for the joy of shooting and shooting well is indescribable. but one have to do what one have to do.
anger is the weapon that serves only the enemy.
a story for all who pass by..
during the civil wars in feudal japan, an invading army would quickly sweep into a town and take control. in one particular village, everyone fled just before the army arrived - everyone except the zen master.
curious about this old fellow, the general went to the temple to see for himself what kind of man this master was. when he wasn't treated with the deference and submissiveness to which he was accustomed, the general burst into anger. "you fool," he shouted as he reached for his sword, "don't you realize you are standing before a man who could run you through without blinking an eye!"
but despite the threat, the master seemed unmoved. "and do you realize," the master replied calmly, "that you are standing before a man who can be run through without blinking an eye?"
we are who we are all the time..only if we are unmoved by events. we must act on things and do things, but to be affected by things we cannot control is folly. do what we can at the moment to the best of our abilities and knowledge. live life one moment at a time, boldly. our best is what we have.
love : wanting others to be happy..unconditionally.
do you understand?
Saturday, June 11, 2005
unstable
been busy. tired. and feeling pretty down.
'helping' people out. inter-school competition organising comm..i am NOT. and yet ALL the paper work is done by me. and i am pretty sure it will screw up. yay. we'll s@@..cause i heard they made changes to the detailing without letting me know..therefore list will not tally. yay. boards are all moved and placed by mr lee. he too did most of the physical stuff with some help. the sucky thing? he and i are only suppose to be advising the new people to do things..not do things ourselves. why is this happening? cause they got work commitment..got other things on. then why the 'eff' you take up the project? people..wants credit..no want work. last time for me to do shit for others..been doing planning and executing competitions since i came out of army..enough is enough. people are so darn hard to please..it's as if the organiser owe them something. we do the work so you can come and comepte and maybe get medal..still treat us like slaves. some people are really arseholes.
been busy trying to prepare my new team. disappointed with them and myself. they are not performing as they should. not enough training time. not enough strength. not enough alternative trainings. not enough ken to help everyone. not spending quality time with each archer to ensure they know what to do. and there's so many things that they should know that i have not the time to teach properly. argh. i hate sending team out not prepared well enough to my standards. it's like sending my men out to the field without proper training and equipment. but..lesser evil than not letting them compete. considering everything, like their time available and my limitations..they are not too bad..but of course can be better. hai..bad situation in JC anyway..they are so busy with 10000000000000000 and 1 things to do. i can only do so much.
favors the prepare mind..chance does.
yoda-ised the famous louis pastour quote 'chance favors the prepared mind. taking up quite alot more duties than i should i feel. my 100% is not there for everythign i do anymore. too tired. i get down and short tempered when i am tired and cannot rest. when i get hungry..it gets worse. really got to work out my schedule properly so as to make sure i get enough rest..else i may just go around snapping at everyone. bzzt!
there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. -Mother Teresa
like the lyrics very much.=) kept me going sometimes when i am down and out.
'如果无意要俗世消失这个故事
就让大海失意陆地伤心飘移
放弃每日再开始
如果世界会尚有真心真意故事
就在我目光内滴下泪的当儿
告诉你你已看到一次
原来只要共你活一天
凡尘里一切再不挂念
原来海角天际亦会变
原来生过死过深爱亦无变
原来只要共你活一天
完全去把你所有都发现
原来只要相信便看见
原来给你真爱的我是无悔.. ..是每一天'-张学友
'helping' people out. inter-school competition organising comm..i am NOT. and yet ALL the paper work is done by me. and i am pretty sure it will screw up. yay. we'll s@@..cause i heard they made changes to the detailing without letting me know..therefore list will not tally. yay. boards are all moved and placed by mr lee. he too did most of the physical stuff with some help. the sucky thing? he and i are only suppose to be advising the new people to do things..not do things ourselves. why is this happening? cause they got work commitment..got other things on. then why the 'eff' you take up the project? people..wants credit..no want work. last time for me to do shit for others..been doing planning and executing competitions since i came out of army..enough is enough. people are so darn hard to please..it's as if the organiser owe them something. we do the work so you can come and comepte and maybe get medal..still treat us like slaves. some people are really arseholes.
been busy trying to prepare my new team. disappointed with them and myself. they are not performing as they should. not enough training time. not enough strength. not enough alternative trainings. not enough ken to help everyone. not spending quality time with each archer to ensure they know what to do. and there's so many things that they should know that i have not the time to teach properly. argh. i hate sending team out not prepared well enough to my standards. it's like sending my men out to the field without proper training and equipment. but..lesser evil than not letting them compete. considering everything, like their time available and my limitations..they are not too bad..but of course can be better. hai..bad situation in JC anyway..they are so busy with 10000000000000000 and 1 things to do. i can only do so much.
favors the prepare mind..chance does.
yoda-ised the famous louis pastour quote 'chance favors the prepared mind. taking up quite alot more duties than i should i feel. my 100% is not there for everythign i do anymore. too tired. i get down and short tempered when i am tired and cannot rest. when i get hungry..it gets worse. really got to work out my schedule properly so as to make sure i get enough rest..else i may just go around snapping at everyone. bzzt!
there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. -Mother Teresa
like the lyrics very much.=) kept me going sometimes when i am down and out.
'如果无意要俗世消失这个故事
就让大海失意陆地伤心飘移
放弃每日再开始
如果世界会尚有真心真意故事
就在我目光内滴下泪的当儿
告诉你你已看到一次
原来只要共你活一天
凡尘里一切再不挂念
原来海角天际亦会变
原来生过死过深爱亦无变
原来只要共你活一天
完全去把你所有都发现
原来只要相信便看见
原来给你真爱的我是无悔.. ..是每一天'-张学友
Monday, June 06, 2005
routed
my router has been routed.
after 4 years of wonderful service my router died. past week it have been acting up. i was checking all systems asto what might be the cause, but thought my router to be infallable(sp?). at first i just thought some one in my block was DLing LOTS and LOTS of porn..slowing down the network..then i though myabe it's the holidays and LOTS and LOTS of kids were playing games online.. then i have things to do and send out..got so frustrated that i went monica's pplace to get it done. after that i thought..'ah..give it a check..' to my dismay..it's the router.
sOo..now my brother will be without network..until i replace it. oh crap.
anyway..been slacking alot. much more than usual. feeling really stressed up and depressed. and have no idea why..that's the idiotic part. got so bad that i drank abit last night. did nothing except made me dehydrated. after that i read nearly half the bible..then i realised..the one i have is really short. lots of missing things..looks like i got to look for a more complete one.
whenenver i get stressed up i slack more..ahaha..bad habit. waiting things out. but i got not much chance to do so now. plenty to do. will do them as i should. i will. not let people down.
thanks alot to friends around who cared and hang out when i'm down. without support..i'd be much more miserable.
Job 1:21
And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
wants and needs..are different. what we need..we already have.
living lifes not in eliminating but in growing with troubles.
after 4 years of wonderful service my router died. past week it have been acting up. i was checking all systems asto what might be the cause, but thought my router to be infallable(sp?). at first i just thought some one in my block was DLing LOTS and LOTS of porn..slowing down the network..then i though myabe it's the holidays and LOTS and LOTS of kids were playing games online.. then i have things to do and send out..got so frustrated that i went monica's pplace to get it done. after that i thought..'ah..give it a check..' to my dismay..it's the router.
sOo..now my brother will be without network..until i replace it. oh crap.
anyway..been slacking alot. much more than usual. feeling really stressed up and depressed. and have no idea why..that's the idiotic part. got so bad that i drank abit last night. did nothing except made me dehydrated. after that i read nearly half the bible..then i realised..the one i have is really short. lots of missing things..looks like i got to look for a more complete one.
whenenver i get stressed up i slack more..ahaha..bad habit. waiting things out. but i got not much chance to do so now. plenty to do. will do them as i should. i will. not let people down.
thanks alot to friends around who cared and hang out when i'm down. without support..i'd be much more miserable.
Job 1:21
And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
wants and needs..are different. what we need..we already have.
living lifes not in eliminating but in growing with troubles.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
me..quizzed
ok..slightly more chaotic than most. agree certainly. i am more ad hoc and more intuitive than most i feel. which i like to be. more intouch with myself.=)
Chaos Vortex
You scored 57%
More often than not, you lean toward chaos rather than order. Chances are you have a difficult time keeping things clean or orderly, but chances are you also don't really care too much. You're most likely a free spirit, artistic and creative, whether in a traditional pursuit like painting or writing, or a less conventional one like programming or rhetoric. Your predominating element is probably water.
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
Link: The Chaos Test written by miratos on Ok Cupid
Chaos Vortex
You scored 57%
You scored higher than 57% on chaopoints
Saturday, June 04, 2005
more quizzes..too early i woke..
don't you think they are pretty crap? i think so..but oh well..for fun anyway..some interesting interpretations..=)
Your wise quote is: "Fashion is a
form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to
alter it every six months" by Oscar
Wilde.You are a very sarcastic person with a
sharp tongue. You may not be the one always
talking, but your mind is nevertheless
critizing. You tend to have a cynical view on
life itself and be somewhat withdrawn with who
you really are. Society now is in your eyes
corrupted and you wonder how the world will
survive. And people are in your mind very
ignorant and blind to the reality.
What wise quote fits you?(pics)
Life is good and bad. You know it can never be
perfect and that it never have been, and you're
fine with that. You still feel it's important
to live life since it can end any day and not
sulk because of some little failure in life.
You are often a happy person, still you don't
laugh all the time. You have a somewhat calm
aura and most people feel comfortable around
you.
How do you see life?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your power is: Clairvoyance
What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You need understanding.
In your life there has been many people that
could never seem too comprehend your
personality. Now you have either become an
out-cast because of their narrow minds or you
have adjusted yourself to them, and never
letting them see who you are deep inside. You
now think that no one will ever understand you
and you hate that fact. Though you are scared
of what the effects might be if you would
decide to let someone in so you keep a safe
distance that you both curse and bless.
What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla
Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.
What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.
How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
! You are most Like A Sapphire !
Dark, mysterious - but unforgettable. You have a
deep
beauty. Delicate, and shy you try to stay away from
the
limelight but often your intelligence puts you in
at the
deep end. You're like a Sapphire, because, your
beauty is priceless.
You're intelligent, full of opinions, and not
big-headed about it all.
Sometimes you need to put yourself out there, as
you can be a bit shy.
Congratulations ... You're the mysterious gem
everybody wants to have and learn more about.
?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Waterfall
?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Crab
?? Which Creature Of The Sea Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla
Peace
?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Your wise quote is: "Fashion is a
form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to
alter it every six months" by Oscar
Wilde.You are a very sarcastic person with a
sharp tongue. You may not be the one always
talking, but your mind is nevertheless
critizing. You tend to have a cynical view on
life itself and be somewhat withdrawn with who
you really are. Society now is in your eyes
corrupted and you wonder how the world will
survive. And people are in your mind very
ignorant and blind to the reality.
What wise quote fits you?(pics)
Life is good and bad. You know it can never be
perfect and that it never have been, and you're
fine with that. You still feel it's important
to live life since it can end any day and not
sulk because of some little failure in life.
You are often a happy person, still you don't
laugh all the time. You have a somewhat calm
aura and most people feel comfortable around
you.
How do you see life?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your power is: Clairvoyance
Explanation: Your power is that you can
look into the future and see what is coming.
How far and long you can look is all depending
on your skill level. This can, as all powers,
be used in both evil and good. Even if it may
seem like a boring ability it is a huge
responsibility for the carrier, becase they are
constantly tempted with doing the wrongs deeds
(e.g. cheat on a test). It takes high morals to
not be brought down with it.
Therefor you fit with this power quite well.
You take responsibility and do what is the
right thing to do. This does not make you a
saint, since you're only human after all. But
it makes a trustworthy person and you are loyal
to camrades and/or team mates. In school you
were probably a good student. If you were
social varies from person to person, but most
clairvoyant people tend to prefer their own
company or that of close friends and family.
That is because you are wise and knows how to
treasure the reliable in your life, since you
know popularity can be a false element. You are
also not that big on taking risks and prefer
what is already explored. That is because you
don't like suprises, they can turn out bad and
then you won't be in control.
Negative aspects: Since you're always
doing the right thing and being trustworthy all
the time you can become frustrated. Also, all
that you carry on your shoulders may stress you
out. You need to relax to be in good mental
shape.
What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You need understanding.
In your life there has been many people that
could never seem too comprehend your
personality. Now you have either become an
out-cast because of their narrow minds or you
have adjusted yourself to them, and never
letting them see who you are deep inside. You
now think that no one will ever understand you
and you hate that fact. Though you are scared
of what the effects might be if you would
decide to let someone in so you keep a safe
distance that you both curse and bless.
What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla
Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.
What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.
How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
! You are most Like A Sapphire !
Dark, mysterious - but unforgettable. You have a
deep
beauty. Delicate, and shy you try to stay away from
the
limelight but often your intelligence puts you in
at the
deep end. You're like a Sapphire, because, your
beauty is priceless.
You're intelligent, full of opinions, and not
big-headed about it all.
Sometimes you need to put yourself out there, as
you can be a bit shy.
Congratulations ... You're the mysterious gem
everybody wants to have and learn more about.
?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Waterfall
?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Crab
?? Which Creature Of The Sea Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla
Peace
?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, June 03, 2005
high gear
holidays for schools are here.
most school anyway..time to get busy. more courses to teach. inter school coming up..got to help out and got school to prep for it. indoor shoot coming up..got to prep for it and a school to handle for it too.
always tired during the holidays..more things to do..more hectic and unplanned. more money..hopefully. and also more money spent cause take more cabs and eat better to fuel myself.
Rom 11:33
O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable [are] his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
should learn to trust more that things to come will be good. i worry too much needlessly. all i need to do is do what i can and my best. my lord will take care of the rest.=) slowly i am s@@ing it..slowly i am believing more and living it.. quite amazed.
'想著你的感覺 有如雨的纏綿
淋濕我的歲月 而我卻依然不知不覺
想著你的感覺 有如風的繾綣
吹亂我的日夜 吹也吹不走你的容顏'-巫啟賢
most school anyway..time to get busy. more courses to teach. inter school coming up..got to help out and got school to prep for it. indoor shoot coming up..got to prep for it and a school to handle for it too.
always tired during the holidays..more things to do..more hectic and unplanned. more money..hopefully. and also more money spent cause take more cabs and eat better to fuel myself.
Rom 11:33
O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable [are] his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
should learn to trust more that things to come will be good. i worry too much needlessly. all i need to do is do what i can and my best. my lord will take care of the rest.=) slowly i am s@@ing it..slowly i am believing more and living it.. quite amazed.
'想著你的感覺 有如雨的纏綿
淋濕我的歲月 而我卻依然不知不覺
想著你的感覺 有如風的繾綣
吹亂我的日夜 吹也吹不走你的容顏'-巫啟賢
quizzes
Your Lightsaber is Blue
Blue is often associated with depth and stability.
It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom,
confidence, and truth.
What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
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Wine
?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
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Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
In your eyes, people see life... You see yourself
as just an average person! You enjoy life, love
wildlife, but also enjoy time with those who
know you best. You like to get outdoors and let
your mind wander over all of the mysteries god
gave to you. You don't really have a certain
sanctuary because you're so well-rounded, but
you like having fun and adventures, but can
also be found sitting quietly about, reading a
book. You have a pretty good life ahead of you,
never trade it for anything else :)
What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are an
assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.
Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
sleepless
in singapore.
tired. but not enough to ensure a good night sleep. i don't really know why. no new issues to bother me. issues have been settled in my mind. things i can do..i do..things i cannot..leave it. what else can i do? i am only human.
and yet..i still cannot sleep.
music. so beautiful..and sad.
no more anger. twice a year maybe..i vent. this year..on an unsuspecting person who called me.
(at TP range during training.)
person:eh..come down now.
ken: huh?
person: come down!
ken: huh? why? what?
person: your CPU..come down.
ken: HUH!?!? who are you?!?
person: WHO ARE YOU?
(ken's evil twin appears and takes over the phone.)
evil twin: TMD. you call me ask me who i am? you go die la. f**king asshole!!
(offs phone. pass back to ken then promptly disappears.)
off course i did not put it so nicely..english is not a suitable language to scold people. especially when on paper/online. seems so emotionless. hokkien is satisfying when angered. cantonese is nice when you want to gossip. chinese is good when you want to insult people's 18 generation. english is good when you want to be sacastic..i suppose. maybe it'sjust the way i use them.
missing you..so much.
getting busy. inter-school and indoor coming. preparing people for it. and myself as well. so many things to do..so little time. giving my best for the people who rely on me..who depend on my judgement..who trust me. i am giving you my best..trust me. =>
occupied in the day. home alone at night..feels sOo..empty. depressingly empty. bah!!no new books to chew through. not playing games..don't want to waste time. but cannot sleep also waste time.
don't even know who i want to be anymore.
'忘记你 但仍然想起
愈想起 更加难入寐
紧抱你 抱紧的只得空气
明知得不到你 何必再要记起'-张学友
tired. but not enough to ensure a good night sleep. i don't really know why. no new issues to bother me. issues have been settled in my mind. things i can do..i do..things i cannot..leave it. what else can i do? i am only human.
and yet..i still cannot sleep.
music. so beautiful..and sad.
no more anger. twice a year maybe..i vent. this year..on an unsuspecting person who called me.
(at TP range during training.)
person:eh..come down now.
ken: huh?
person: come down!
ken: huh? why? what?
person: your CPU..come down.
ken: HUH!?!? who are you?!?
person: WHO ARE YOU?
(ken's evil twin appears and takes over the phone.)
evil twin: TMD. you call me ask me who i am? you go die la. f**king asshole!!
(offs phone. pass back to ken then promptly disappears.)
off course i did not put it so nicely..english is not a suitable language to scold people. especially when on paper/online. seems so emotionless. hokkien is satisfying when angered. cantonese is nice when you want to gossip. chinese is good when you want to insult people's 18 generation. english is good when you want to be sacastic..i suppose. maybe it'sjust the way i use them.
missing you..so much.
getting busy. inter-school and indoor coming. preparing people for it. and myself as well. so many things to do..so little time. giving my best for the people who rely on me..who depend on my judgement..who trust me. i am giving you my best..trust me. =>
occupied in the day. home alone at night..feels sOo..empty. depressingly empty. bah!!no new books to chew through. not playing games..don't want to waste time. but cannot sleep also waste time.
don't even know who i want to be anymore.
'忘记你 但仍然想起
愈想起 更加难入寐
紧抱你 抱紧的只得空气
明知得不到你 何必再要记起'-张学友
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
me
name:Ang Cee Wei (Ang is my family name) 洪诗玮
given:Ken
dob:06111980
zodiac:scorpio
horoscope:monkey
religion:recently christian, was agnostic
blood type:b+
sex:male
gender:male
height:180cm
weight:72-77kg
eyes:black?
hair:black?
education:dip in IT
job:coach, archer
likes:good food, music, movie, company.
dislikes:discords, wars, idiots who start them.
dreams:olympics, national coach after that, someone to share my life with, less wars, more love.
bestest people in life:mommy, LL, twincat, carrotcakejosh, D, uncle tang, all my friends actually.
too much:worries, fears, things to do.
too little:time, money, discipline, love.
want to do now:sleep. but insomnia
want to do later:wake up happy.
date:31052005
time:0206
killed someone?:did.
...
on my knees, i pray. for forgiveness and peace. i have sinned..i have wronged. God..please take away my pains. please let me into your embrace. i am weak. every moment i need you more. give me strength that i may lead. grant me wisdom that i may teach. be my wings that i may soar.
given:Ken
dob:06111980
zodiac:scorpio
horoscope:monkey
religion:recently christian, was agnostic
blood type:b+
sex:male
gender:male
height:180cm
weight:72-77kg
eyes:black?
hair:black?
education:dip in IT
job:coach, archer
likes:good food, music, movie, company.
dislikes:discords, wars, idiots who start them.
dreams:olympics, national coach after that, someone to share my life with, less wars, more love.
bestest people in life:mommy, LL, twincat, carrotcakejosh, D, uncle tang, all my friends actually.
too much:worries, fears, things to do.
too little:time, money, discipline, love.
want to do now:sleep. but insomnia
want to do later:wake up happy.
date:31052005
time:0206
killed someone?:did.
...
on my knees, i pray. for forgiveness and peace. i have sinned..i have wronged. God..please take away my pains. please let me into your embrace. i am weak. every moment i need you more. give me strength that i may lead. grant me wisdom that i may teach. be my wings that i may soar.
Monday, May 30, 2005
thoughts
sedated weekend.
skipped all nats training. knowing i might now even be able to complete the trainings and i might not be nats team anymore. disappointed and sad. tried so hard to come here and now have to leave it.
should go read up on william blake's pieces. i find them insightful and thought provoking. i especially like auguries of innocence.
the below test. when i saw it i thought to myself i should be utilitarian, and so i am. i know i am such do the best thing i know how to. it does not mean i don't make mistakes or do something wrong..it's just my intentions are such. oh well..nothing really stands out..probably cause i am quite mixed about morality and not conforming to one rule. instead more like a fusion of a few ideas and concept of what is right.
i believe many of the basis for your life's philosophy can exist at the same time. though of course there are some which will be opposites or close enough that they cannot exist in one person. example, believing in God does not mean you cannot be a kantian. but that would mean you are not totally a kantian and would disbelieve about some of kant's concepts.
another thing i would like to bring up is that doing what is good may not be the right thing and vice versa. define good as make people happy and well. right as follow rules and laws and commandments. easy to s@@ that it may not always be parrellel. but then people might not defien it such and therefore arguable.
sleep pattern all screwed..again..haha.. i mentioned to some that i would be best suited to days of 30 hours. sleep6 wake12 sleep4 wake8.. i always do that. and now 0630..nothing much to do. there's just this period of time that i cannot sleep..unless i am really tired. not everyday i can be that tired. oh well..will try to adjust again.
patience..waiting. my life now is now consisting of waiting for things to happen. doing what i can..what i should. more to come depends on others. my strong point and also my mistake, mayhaps. endure. persist. overcome.
[jam 5:8] be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.
'wishing you were somehow here again...
wishing you were somehow near...
sometimes it seemed if i just dreamed,
somehow you would be here...
wishing i could hear your voice again...'-Phantom of the Opera
skipped all nats training. knowing i might now even be able to complete the trainings and i might not be nats team anymore. disappointed and sad. tried so hard to come here and now have to leave it.
should go read up on william blake's pieces. i find them insightful and thought provoking. i especially like auguries of innocence.
the below test. when i saw it i thought to myself i should be utilitarian, and so i am. i know i am such do the best thing i know how to. it does not mean i don't make mistakes or do something wrong..it's just my intentions are such. oh well..nothing really stands out..probably cause i am quite mixed about morality and not conforming to one rule. instead more like a fusion of a few ideas and concept of what is right.
i believe many of the basis for your life's philosophy can exist at the same time. though of course there are some which will be opposites or close enough that they cannot exist in one person. example, believing in God does not mean you cannot be a kantian. but that would mean you are not totally a kantian and would disbelieve about some of kant's concepts.
another thing i would like to bring up is that doing what is good may not be the right thing and vice versa. define good as make people happy and well. right as follow rules and laws and commandments. easy to s@@ that it may not always be parrellel. but then people might not defien it such and therefore arguable.
sleep pattern all screwed..again..haha.. i mentioned to some that i would be best suited to days of 30 hours. sleep6 wake12 sleep4 wake8.. i always do that. and now 0630..nothing much to do. there's just this period of time that i cannot sleep..unless i am really tired. not everyday i can be that tired. oh well..will try to adjust again.
patience..waiting. my life now is now consisting of waiting for things to happen. doing what i can..what i should. more to come depends on others. my strong point and also my mistake, mayhaps. endure. persist. overcome.
[jam 5:8] be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.
'wishing you were somehow here again...
wishing you were somehow near...
sometimes it seemed if i just dreamed,
somehow you would be here...
wishing i could hear your voice again...'-Phantom of the Opera
quiz week or something..
| You scored as Utilitarianism. Your life is guided by the principles of Utilitarianism: You seek the greatest good for the greatest number. “The said truth is that it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.” --Jeremy Bentham “Whenever the general disposition of the people is such, that each individual regards those only of his interests which are selfish, and does not dwell on, or concern himself for, his share of the general interest, in such a state of things, good government is impossible.” --John Stuart Mill More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com |
Friday, May 27, 2005
giving it up
after much delibration, i decided to let it go.
given a chance at something else. which i know i can be quite good at. good chance with good prospects in time to come. give up my dream. couldn't sleep for sOoo..many nights cause of this decision. even though i know it's the prudent thing to do and probably a good thing for me no matter what i decide to do in the future, it is devastating for me.
last time whenever i think about it, i will just start to cry. yes i am emotional. it is a big BIG part of my life. almost the only thing i live for for some times in my life. though now i am more stable and feel better about things and having more faith, it is still a major turning point for me. i trust that GOD have led me in the right direction and trying to do otherwise will lead to misery.
the below test..let me mention some stuffs..i know stuffS is wrong..but stuff and more stuff..therefore stuffS!!=)
highs are..
'peter-pan complex'-want to stay young..haha..that's me..
'intellectual'-hmm..i hope so..
'cautiousness'-over cautious, i am.
'physical security'-i simply..don't care at all.=)
lows..
'hedonism'-i don't like pleasure?? hmm..
'wealth'-i don't like money?? ermm..ok la..enough is enough..but how much is enough??hehe..
'food indulgent'-i don't like good food??this is off. totally.
anyway..hope i can get on well. something else bothering me. but patience i guess. i hope i pray. it's all heart for me. i don't need much. just let me know..anyway it goes. please.
treasure the love you receive above all. it will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished. - Og Mandino
[Proverbs 3, 5-6 ], trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths.
all i have is given. all i can i do to my bestest knowledge. the rest is up to you my lord. lead me to wherever you please.
given a chance at something else. which i know i can be quite good at. good chance with good prospects in time to come. give up my dream. couldn't sleep for sOoo..many nights cause of this decision. even though i know it's the prudent thing to do and probably a good thing for me no matter what i decide to do in the future, it is devastating for me.
last time whenever i think about it, i will just start to cry. yes i am emotional. it is a big BIG part of my life. almost the only thing i live for for some times in my life. though now i am more stable and feel better about things and having more faith, it is still a major turning point for me. i trust that GOD have led me in the right direction and trying to do otherwise will lead to misery.
the below test..let me mention some stuffs..i know stuffS is wrong..but stuff and more stuff..therefore stuffS!!=)
highs are..
'peter-pan complex'-want to stay young..haha..that's me..
'intellectual'-hmm..i hope so..
'cautiousness'-over cautious, i am.
'physical security'-i simply..don't care at all.=)
lows..
'hedonism'-i don't like pleasure?? hmm..
'wealth'-i don't like money?? ermm..ok la..enough is enough..but how much is enough??hehe..
'food indulgent'-i don't like good food??this is off. totally.
anyway..hope i can get on well. something else bothering me. but patience i guess. i hope i pray. it's all heart for me. i don't need much. just let me know..anyway it goes. please.
treasure the love you receive above all. it will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished. - Og Mandino
[Proverbs 3, 5-6 ], trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths.
all i have is given. all i can i do to my bestest knowledge. the rest is up to you my lord. lead me to wherever you please.
testing
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
pissed
so many things. so sudden.
all change. plans all out the window.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
all change. plans all out the window.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Monday, May 23, 2005
brained
You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained |
The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
sad facts
i am being killed at home slowly.
all the smoke that my dad and brother emits from their smoking. i hate it..especially when i have sore throat, like now. spend money to burn some grass, chemicals, whatever..to make you unhealthy. probably die faster and make people around you die faster as well. irrate. should be banned for reasons of humanity. instead it's being tolerated, cause of the monies to be gained from their taxes..and probably pay offs by the tobacco companies. then stupid people have to get 'addicted' to them. it's just a habit like any other habit..they can be kicked. difficult? probably..cause you are sOOoo..dependant on that death stick!!! spend money where it could be used for better things.
then they drink too. as if smoking comes together with drinking like a package deal. my dad about two bottles a day..brother about there too..sometimes more..never less. even when got no money to pay bills..will still have money for drinks and smoke.
hai..if we calculate simply. 10 for drinks per day. 10 for smoke per day. times 2 person. that's a total of 40 per day. one month would be 1200. ARGH!!!
no one can hear me scream cause it's all inside.
with eyes but they won't see.
have ears but they won't hear.
with brains but they cannot think.
'they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
with a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
they took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
and they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
no, no, no don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
they paved paradise, and put up a parking lot
hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
i don't care about spots on my apples,
leave me the birds and the bees
please don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
hey now, they paved paradise to put up a parking lot
why not?'-Counting Crows
all the smoke that my dad and brother emits from their smoking. i hate it..especially when i have sore throat, like now. spend money to burn some grass, chemicals, whatever..to make you unhealthy. probably die faster and make people around you die faster as well. irrate. should be banned for reasons of humanity. instead it's being tolerated, cause of the monies to be gained from their taxes..and probably pay offs by the tobacco companies. then stupid people have to get 'addicted' to them. it's just a habit like any other habit..they can be kicked. difficult? probably..cause you are sOOoo..dependant on that death stick!!! spend money where it could be used for better things.
then they drink too. as if smoking comes together with drinking like a package deal. my dad about two bottles a day..brother about there too..sometimes more..never less. even when got no money to pay bills..will still have money for drinks and smoke.
hai..if we calculate simply. 10 for drinks per day. 10 for smoke per day. times 2 person. that's a total of 40 per day. one month would be 1200. ARGH!!!
no one can hear me scream cause it's all inside.
with eyes but they won't see.
have ears but they won't hear.
with brains but they cannot think.
'they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
with a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
they took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
and they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
no, no, no don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
they paved paradise, and put up a parking lot
hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
i don't care about spots on my apples,
leave me the birds and the bees
please don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
hey now, they paved paradise to put up a parking lot
why not?'-Counting Crows
Sunday, May 22, 2005
steps
everything takes time. has it's own time.
nice place TJ have. lotsa food and drinks on his birthday. hope you have a great year and enjoyed your birthday. (don't think he knows my blog..but..)
step by step. take my time to do what i feel is right.
heart man. it's all heart.
'your mind will take you far
the rest is just pure heart
you'll find your fate is all your own creation
every boy and girl
as they come into this world
they bring the gift of hope and inspiration'-Celine Dion
nice place TJ have. lotsa food and drinks on his birthday. hope you have a great year and enjoyed your birthday. (don't think he knows my blog..but..)
step by step. take my time to do what i feel is right.
heart man. it's all heart.
'your mind will take you far
the rest is just pure heart
you'll find your fate is all your own creation
every boy and girl
as they come into this world
they bring the gift of hope and inspiration'-Celine Dion
Sith codes
"Peace Is A Lie.
There Is Only Passion.
Through Passion I Gain Strength.
Through Strength I Gain Power.
Through Power I Gain Victory.
Through Victory,My Chains Are Broken.
The force shall free me."
-The Sith Code, as in some books and games.
There is no peace, there is anger.
There is no fear, there is power.
There is no death, there is immortality.
There is no weakness, there is the darkside.
I am the heart of darkness,I know no fear,
Rather, I instill it in my enemies.
I am the destroyer of worlds,I know the power of the darkside.
I am the fire of hate,
The galaxy bows before me,I pledge myself to the darkness.
For my failure I offer my life,
For I have found true life,In the death of the light.
-Another Sith code, found somewhere.. .. ..
There Is Only Passion.
Through Passion I Gain Strength.
Through Strength I Gain Power.
Through Power I Gain Victory.
Through Victory,My Chains Are Broken.
The force shall free me."
-The Sith Code, as in some books and games.
There is no peace, there is anger.
There is no fear, there is power.
There is no death, there is immortality.
There is no weakness, there is the darkside.
I am the heart of darkness,I know no fear,
Rather, I instill it in my enemies.
I am the destroyer of worlds,I know the power of the darkside.
I am the fire of hate,
The galaxy bows before me,I pledge myself to the darkness.
For my failure I offer my life,
For I have found true life,In the death of the light.
-Another Sith code, found somewhere.. .. ..
personality
did this before..now again..
hey..seems like i have less problems now!! haha..
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal: | Moderate |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | Low |
| Narcissistic: | Low |
| Avoidant: | Low |
| Dependent: | Moderate |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information -- | |
hey..seems like i have less problems now!! haha..
Saturday, May 21, 2005
twisted
twisted my ankle today while playing 'goodminton'.
was playing fine and all. pretty good..managed to beat all the TP people..then came daryl. my mentor in badminton. trashed me 7:1 i think. then after a moment's rest i match with him again..managed to make him do stupid mistakes and par with him at 6:6..then i twisted my ankle recieving one of his super fast smashes on my left side..to recieve it had to twist my torso over and balance on my left ankle while it's twisted..then i removed weight from my right leg. my weight caused the injury.
my ankles and knees had alot of injuries from last time. soccer, soccer, soccer and basketball. easily injured now. remebered why i stop playing games that require reflexes..i will get injured easily..oh well..should heal in about a week..
life's quite alright i suppose. shooting seems fine..lack stamina and endurance. skill wise i feels as if i improved abit..keeping my mind on doing what i want. sOo..that's good. not shooting much..slowly increasing the amount..sOo..that's good. trying to be less stupid and stubborn. we'll s@@ how i go eh?=)
some part of me tells me it's ok. things will be alright..still i worry sometimes.things that we want that we don't have..we think of ways to ensure we get it..but sometimes i feel we should just let it go and take whatever that comes to us in life, all the while doing our best to reach our goal.
patience. perserverance. determination.
quite contradictery..but it's like do your best and accept that life is not always a bed of roses and effort don't equals results. we will get our dues..
Psa 18:24 Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.
trust in things to come. everything happen..good or bad..you don't know..till the fat lady sings..
'多少次 迎著冷眼與嘲笑
從沒有放棄過心中的理想'-Beyond
was playing fine and all. pretty good..managed to beat all the TP people..then came daryl. my mentor in badminton. trashed me 7:1 i think. then after a moment's rest i match with him again..managed to make him do stupid mistakes and par with him at 6:6..then i twisted my ankle recieving one of his super fast smashes on my left side..to recieve it had to twist my torso over and balance on my left ankle while it's twisted..then i removed weight from my right leg. my weight caused the injury.
my ankles and knees had alot of injuries from last time. soccer, soccer, soccer and basketball. easily injured now. remebered why i stop playing games that require reflexes..i will get injured easily..oh well..should heal in about a week..
life's quite alright i suppose. shooting seems fine..lack stamina and endurance. skill wise i feels as if i improved abit..keeping my mind on doing what i want. sOo..that's good. not shooting much..slowly increasing the amount..sOo..that's good. trying to be less stupid and stubborn. we'll s@@ how i go eh?=)
some part of me tells me it's ok. things will be alright..still i worry sometimes.things that we want that we don't have..we think of ways to ensure we get it..but sometimes i feel we should just let it go and take whatever that comes to us in life, all the while doing our best to reach our goal.
patience. perserverance. determination.
quite contradictery..but it's like do your best and accept that life is not always a bed of roses and effort don't equals results. we will get our dues..
Psa 18:24 Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.
trust in things to come. everything happen..good or bad..you don't know..till the fat lady sings..
'多少次 迎著冷眼與嘲笑
從沒有放棄過心中的理想'-Beyond
Friday, May 20, 2005
star wars
watched it twice so far.
have to say i am more than slightly disappointed. overall i would give it a 6/10. feel of the movie, bad timings/pacing, crap script, tough job fitting storyline to join the plot together though, sub-standard directing/acting, effects/sound/music was good. lots of bad scenes and some good shots. more bad than good..sOo..my rating.
maybe i am just expecting more from STAR WARS..but after much contemplation i think that's not the case. i feel it's just too shody..not given enough thought. there are REALLY some movies which did better with less..but that's me. oh well..hope he stops trashing it..enough is enough. with mini-series coming out..man..is he hard up for cash?
my life been pretty normal..even the bouts of depression is normal i guess. don't really forsee it getting better anytime sOon. but working on it. will push on about what i hope to do for this coming two-three years. getting things done and being more stable should solve some of it..
been studying the bible. been thinking about things it teaches. follow my feelings..
starting to get back to shooting..shoulder mostly healed i feel. not much pain when using it now..slight disjointness at certain angles..will continue with what i have been doing and hope it's enough to heal it completely.
in silence I wait
to hear your words of hope.
days pass not to wait
but time seems to stop.
i'm surrounded by eminent silence
my heart visions hope.
waiting pours out it's incense
as i dwell on what might be your thoughts.
though my hope's hope, hopes against hope,
you are forever my thoughts.
for in hope there is no stopping
till your words from your heart hit home.-Waiting, Agape Justin Oforo
all things have their own time and place. patience.
2Cr 1:4
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
have to say i am more than slightly disappointed. overall i would give it a 6/10. feel of the movie, bad timings/pacing, crap script, tough job fitting storyline to join the plot together though, sub-standard directing/acting, effects/sound/music was good. lots of bad scenes and some good shots. more bad than good..sOo..my rating.
maybe i am just expecting more from STAR WARS..but after much contemplation i think that's not the case. i feel it's just too shody..not given enough thought. there are REALLY some movies which did better with less..but that's me. oh well..hope he stops trashing it..enough is enough. with mini-series coming out..man..is he hard up for cash?
my life been pretty normal..even the bouts of depression is normal i guess. don't really forsee it getting better anytime sOon. but working on it. will push on about what i hope to do for this coming two-three years. getting things done and being more stable should solve some of it..
been studying the bible. been thinking about things it teaches. follow my feelings..
starting to get back to shooting..shoulder mostly healed i feel. not much pain when using it now..slight disjointness at certain angles..will continue with what i have been doing and hope it's enough to heal it completely.
in silence I wait
to hear your words of hope.
days pass not to wait
but time seems to stop.
i'm surrounded by eminent silence
my heart visions hope.
waiting pours out it's incense
as i dwell on what might be your thoughts.
though my hope's hope, hopes against hope,
you are forever my thoughts.
for in hope there is no stopping
till your words from your heart hit home.-Waiting, Agape Justin Oforo
all things have their own time and place. patience.
2Cr 1:4
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
sin cities
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | High |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Moderate |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Low |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Low |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Low |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Moderate |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Very Low |
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
rants
cannot fall asleep again. been days since i slept well. body is aching all over. cannot really shoot sOo i push myself to run and do other exercises. went gym after a two weeks break..body feels like breaking apart..haha..expected actually..but still uncomfortable.
guess my mind is really thinking about things..worrying and trying to figure things out as usual. reading the bible helps some..and yet create some problems as well. concepts..ideas..learnings..alot to think through..hai..wish that things were simpler. if i was not at this level of intelligence it would be good. if i am more intelligent i would maybe be smart enough to not get into so much troubles..get my life organised better..do things more efficiently or something like that..if i was less intelligent..then i would not know so many things and try to learn and understand and help and just listen to people and just do what is simply seemingly good without complications. sOo..i think either way would make me a happier person. but then..who would know. hah. nonsense as usual.
i am cruel. i am uncaring. i am stupid. i am stubborn. i don't care. i am amoral. i am wicked. i am evil. i am so many things that's bad.
i don't deserve anything good. being happy. being worryless. being rich. being satisfied. being at peace. being simply me. nope..all that will not happen for me..cause i am evil. i just hope i die soon..the world have better hope without me around..i think..
air-con will kill us all. we turn it on to cool a room. which in turn make the outside hotter..which makes us want to use more air-con everywhere and make it cooler as well. it takes energy to make a room cool and outside hotter..to get energy we creates heat when it is generated at the power generator thingies.. sOOoo...by using air-con we make ourselves more dependant on it and therefore will use more energy to cool the place we are at and destroy the planet as a whole with all the heat we are generating.
well done humans!!! another innovative way to kill our planet and future!!!
it's been a long while since i felt even comfortable and just me. someone who is in a wal. at peace..curious..learning and teaching. everyday i go out to be happy. i make myself happy by being around people. people ask me for advise..ask me for things..ask me for whatever..i cannot be =( when i am with people..else i cannot help them. so i BE happy. but whenever i am alone..it strikes. depression..what can i do? i thought i was out of it..then thigns happen..again and again..this uphill task is drowning me. my faith and trust and belief is wearing thin..really. again and again..nearly 6 years now..i think. i know i can survive..the lord will not allow me to fall unless it's time for me to. he will watch after me and ease my pain and sorrows..but still it is not easy to bear. i can understand why some people end themselves. the hurt seems unending.
home? i have no home i feel..just a place to go to to bath..sleep..use computer..put things.. the only person i feel is family is my mom. maybe i have trouble trusting and being close to people? no one else comes close. but even with my mom..i almost never tell her anything. whenever my mom goes over to malaysia..i feel scared. so alone.
there's a pain in me that is threatening to overwhelm me.
no answers forthcoming. no end in sight. no one to help me i think. it's me and the world.
'oh para paradise..是否那麼重要..
你是否那麼地遙遠..'-Beyond
guess my mind is really thinking about things..worrying and trying to figure things out as usual. reading the bible helps some..and yet create some problems as well. concepts..ideas..learnings..alot to think through..hai..wish that things were simpler. if i was not at this level of intelligence it would be good. if i am more intelligent i would maybe be smart enough to not get into so much troubles..get my life organised better..do things more efficiently or something like that..if i was less intelligent..then i would not know so many things and try to learn and understand and help and just listen to people and just do what is simply seemingly good without complications. sOo..i think either way would make me a happier person. but then..who would know. hah. nonsense as usual.
i am cruel. i am uncaring. i am stupid. i am stubborn. i don't care. i am amoral. i am wicked. i am evil. i am so many things that's bad.
i don't deserve anything good. being happy. being worryless. being rich. being satisfied. being at peace. being simply me. nope..all that will not happen for me..cause i am evil. i just hope i die soon..the world have better hope without me around..i think..
air-con will kill us all. we turn it on to cool a room. which in turn make the outside hotter..which makes us want to use more air-con everywhere and make it cooler as well. it takes energy to make a room cool and outside hotter..to get energy we creates heat when it is generated at the power generator thingies.. sOOoo...by using air-con we make ourselves more dependant on it and therefore will use more energy to cool the place we are at and destroy the planet as a whole with all the heat we are generating.
well done humans!!! another innovative way to kill our planet and future!!!
it's been a long while since i felt even comfortable and just me. someone who is in a wal. at peace..curious..learning and teaching. everyday i go out to be happy. i make myself happy by being around people. people ask me for advise..ask me for things..ask me for whatever..i cannot be =( when i am with people..else i cannot help them. so i BE happy. but whenever i am alone..it strikes. depression..what can i do? i thought i was out of it..then thigns happen..again and again..this uphill task is drowning me. my faith and trust and belief is wearing thin..really. again and again..nearly 6 years now..i think. i know i can survive..the lord will not allow me to fall unless it's time for me to. he will watch after me and ease my pain and sorrows..but still it is not easy to bear. i can understand why some people end themselves. the hurt seems unending.
home? i have no home i feel..just a place to go to to bath..sleep..use computer..put things.. the only person i feel is family is my mom. maybe i have trouble trusting and being close to people? no one else comes close. but even with my mom..i almost never tell her anything. whenever my mom goes over to malaysia..i feel scared. so alone.
there's a pain in me that is threatening to overwhelm me.
no answers forthcoming. no end in sight. no one to help me i think. it's me and the world.
'oh para paradise..是否那麼重要..
你是否那麼地遙遠..'-Beyond
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
amazing grace
amazing Grace,
how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me.
i once was lost but now am found,
was blind, but now, I see.
remembered this from my secondary school days. always liked it.=)
hearing it on bagpipes now from Braveheart soundtrack.
how sweet the sound
how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me.
i once was lost but now am found,
was blind, but now, I see.
remembered this from my secondary school days. always liked it.=)
hearing it on bagpipes now from Braveheart soundtrack.
how sweet the sound
Monday, May 16, 2005
changes. part deus.
decided on more changes in my life.
big change. scary. worried. sad. turn around from where my dream lies. hopefully this change will better me and prepare me better for my dream as well.
been out the whole day just slacking..thinking..wondering..pondering..realised alot of things about my world. needs some change..and i will. get out of comfort zone and get going.
Psa 5:8
Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
not giving up my dreams..just looking at life in the face and realised there are plenty much i should be doing..so i do.
choices. we can have no perfect actions. only perfect intentions.
big change. scary. worried. sad. turn around from where my dream lies. hopefully this change will better me and prepare me better for my dream as well.
been out the whole day just slacking..thinking..wondering..pondering..realised alot of things about my world. needs some change..and i will. get out of comfort zone and get going.
Psa 5:8
Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
not giving up my dreams..just looking at life in the face and realised there are plenty much i should be doing..so i do.
choices. we can have no perfect actions. only perfect intentions.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
i
who am i to you? all of you?
is this meant to be never-ending? feeling pain once every so often?
plans made for the rest of the year. step back in some areas, and step forward in some. hope i make the right choices. after being shoved so much, it's time i give in to some advise and listen to what i am told.
1Cr 13:13
And now abideth faith, hope and love, these three; but the greatest of these [is] love.
foolish boy
is this meant to be never-ending? feeling pain once every so often?
plans made for the rest of the year. step back in some areas, and step forward in some. hope i make the right choices. after being shoved so much, it's time i give in to some advise and listen to what i am told.
1Cr 13:13
And now abideth faith, hope and love, these three; but the greatest of these [is] love.
foolish boy
Friday, May 13, 2005
me.?
Your #1 Match: INTP |
The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can. Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge. Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat. A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. |
Your #2 Match: INTJ |
The Scientist You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems. Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized. You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others. Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you. You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer. |
Your #3 Match: ENTP |
The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor. |
got this off a friend's blog..interesting..
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
心碎了无痕
no idea at all.
i am a simple person. please tell me what. let me know what to do.
as i wait..i am in pain. do you not s@@?
i am a simple person. please tell me what. let me know what to do.
as i wait..i am in pain. do you not s@@?
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
changes
i am very much changed.
no idea if anyone feels it? or s@@ it or knows it. but i feel much different from who i was 2 months ago.
to believe in something again. to believe and trust and let my life be guided by anything other than my mind and myself. it was weird..but now it feels so right. easy and simple. to walk with the Lord again. to look him in the face and thank him for all i have become.
used to be quite pagan. doing scryes and tarots and feeling for spirits and energies. now i lost most of what i used to be able to do. slightly off balance now. heh. but guess it's alright. used to feel the connection witht he tarot decks i used. now no feeling at all, even the familiar cards. no longer able to scrye things in meditation, in dreams. now all i get is blank when i try.. it's like putting away lots of things when i start to look at Him again. slightly weird, but understandable. though i expect to re-learn them again when i am stronger in faith. somehow i feel as if i am to know such. but then i don't know what the Lord have in store for me.
now my thought pattern is more calm and clear. less clouded by emotions and pain. less anguish..usually. hehe..still lots of zeal about injustice around me. anyway, slightly happier, slightly calmer. think better, think slower though..maybe i am just getting old..haha..
no idea why but feeling good. nothing to feel good about actually.
shooting badly.
cannot train due to injury.
not clear about short term plan now.
no idea about what's to come next for what i am concern about.
but feeling alright..so just be.
2cr 13:11
finally, brethren, farewell. be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.
'calm the storms that drench my eyes
and dry the streams still flowing
casting down all the waves of sin
and guilt that overthrow me
if i can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the crashing waves
lift me up so high that i cannot fall - lift me up'-Jars of Clay
no idea if anyone feels it? or s@@ it or knows it. but i feel much different from who i was 2 months ago.
to believe in something again. to believe and trust and let my life be guided by anything other than my mind and myself. it was weird..but now it feels so right. easy and simple. to walk with the Lord again. to look him in the face and thank him for all i have become.
used to be quite pagan. doing scryes and tarots and feeling for spirits and energies. now i lost most of what i used to be able to do. slightly off balance now. heh. but guess it's alright. used to feel the connection witht he tarot decks i used. now no feeling at all, even the familiar cards. no longer able to scrye things in meditation, in dreams. now all i get is blank when i try.. it's like putting away lots of things when i start to look at Him again. slightly weird, but understandable. though i expect to re-learn them again when i am stronger in faith. somehow i feel as if i am to know such. but then i don't know what the Lord have in store for me.
now my thought pattern is more calm and clear. less clouded by emotions and pain. less anguish..usually. hehe..still lots of zeal about injustice around me. anyway, slightly happier, slightly calmer. think better, think slower though..maybe i am just getting old..haha..
no idea why but feeling good. nothing to feel good about actually.
shooting badly.
cannot train due to injury.
not clear about short term plan now.
no idea about what's to come next for what i am concern about.
but feeling alright..so just be.
2cr 13:11
finally, brethren, farewell. be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.
'calm the storms that drench my eyes
and dry the streams still flowing
casting down all the waves of sin
and guilt that overthrow me
if i can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the crashing waves
lift me up so high that i cannot fall - lift me up'-Jars of Clay
Sunday, May 08, 2005
touched
our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
actually, who are you not to be?
you are a child of god. your playing small does not serve the world.
there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do.
we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us.
it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- a poem by Marianne Williamson, as in Coach Carter.
Be without fear in the face of your enemies.
Safeguard the helpless.
Tell the truth, even if it leads to your death;
that is your oath. Rise a knight... rise a knight!
'slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
but then if you're so smart, tell me
why are you still so afraid?
where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
you'd better cool it off before you burn it out
you've got so much to do and
only so many hours in a day
but you know that when the truth is told..
that you can get what you want or you get old
you're gonna kick off before you even
get halfway through
when will you realize, vienna waits for you?
slow down, you're doing fine
you can't be everything you want to be
before your time
although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
tonight,...
too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
though you can see when you're wrong, you know
you can't always see when you're right. you're right
you've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
when will you realize, vienna waits for you?
slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
when will you realize,..vienna waits for you?
and you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
you're gonna kick off before you even get half through
why don't you realize,. vienna waits for you
when will you realize, vienna waits for you?'-Billy Joel
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
actually, who are you not to be?
you are a child of god. your playing small does not serve the world.
there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do.
we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us.
it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- a poem by Marianne Williamson, as in Coach Carter.
Be without fear in the face of your enemies.
Safeguard the helpless.
Tell the truth, even if it leads to your death;
that is your oath. Rise a knight... rise a knight!
'slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
but then if you're so smart, tell me
why are you still so afraid?
where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
you'd better cool it off before you burn it out
you've got so much to do and
only so many hours in a day
but you know that when the truth is told..
that you can get what you want or you get old
you're gonna kick off before you even
get halfway through
when will you realize, vienna waits for you?
slow down, you're doing fine
you can't be everything you want to be
before your time
although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
tonight,...
too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
though you can see when you're wrong, you know
you can't always see when you're right. you're right
you've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
when will you realize, vienna waits for you?
slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
when will you realize,..vienna waits for you?
and you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
you're gonna kick off before you even get half through
why don't you realize,. vienna waits for you
when will you realize, vienna waits for you?'-Billy Joel
Thursday, May 05, 2005
what is your greatest fear?
interesting question wouldn't you say?
my greatest fear is that i am not doing things correctly, not doing enough. about myself not being good enough. not being all i am. then i am wasted. wasted my life, wasted the lord's gift.
what's your greatest fear? do you even know? it took me long thoughts for a few months to put it in words after i sorted through my thoughts and myself.
been alright..not too bad..not too good. archery camp for TP was tiring. pushed them and pushed myself. had talk with them, but how much who understood i don't know. i gave them what i thought is best. i have to better myself to bring them to better level. will revise and realign my year plan.
4.5km in 22mins..feels good. still got the chiong feeling. haha..
wish, hope, pray.
{Act 1:7}And he said unto them,
It is not for you to know the times or the seasons,
which the Father hath put in his own power.
'i'm the one who wants to be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too
waited on a line of greens and blues
just to be the next to be with you..'-Mr Big
my greatest fear is that i am not doing things correctly, not doing enough. about myself not being good enough. not being all i am. then i am wasted. wasted my life, wasted the lord's gift.
what's your greatest fear? do you even know? it took me long thoughts for a few months to put it in words after i sorted through my thoughts and myself.
been alright..not too bad..not too good. archery camp for TP was tiring. pushed them and pushed myself. had talk with them, but how much who understood i don't know. i gave them what i thought is best. i have to better myself to bring them to better level. will revise and realign my year plan.
4.5km in 22mins..feels good. still got the chiong feeling. haha..
wish, hope, pray.
{Act 1:7}And he said unto them,
It is not for you to know the times or the seasons,
which the Father hath put in his own power.
'i'm the one who wants to be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too
waited on a line of greens and blues
just to be the next to be with you..'-Mr Big
Monday, May 02, 2005
many minds, little words
alot of things on my mind now. but to put them simply, as below.
frustrated.
thankful.
proud.
grateful.
sad.
wishful.
of which are which, figure it out on your own. ask if you want though i don't promise answers.
'i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
more and more i need you now,
i owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
i gave up not so long ago
so steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words i can't deny
watch the world i used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
i pray, i pray, i pray
take my world apart'-Jars of Clay
frustrated.
thankful.
proud.
grateful.
sad.
wishful.
of which are which, figure it out on your own. ask if you want though i don't promise answers.
'i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
more and more i need you now,
i owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
i gave up not so long ago
so steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words i can't deny
watch the world i used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
i look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things i cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
i pray, i pray, i pray
take my world apart'-Jars of Clay
Sunday, May 01, 2005
seeking, found?
maybe i am just seeking for more reasons.
Psa 23:1
[[A Psalm of David.]] The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.
Psa 23:2
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
Psa 23:3
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psa 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psa 23:5
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Psa 23:6
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
my favorite prayer.
the lord is my shepard, i shall not want.
he have given me all i need. i shall not want more.
do i believe? or is it just cause of her?
still some things i want to know. know them i shall. i fear not what may come.
yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil: for thou art with me.
Psa 23:1
[[A Psalm of David.]] The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.
Psa 23:2
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
Psa 23:3
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psa 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psa 23:5
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Psa 23:6
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
my favorite prayer.
the lord is my shepard, i shall not want.
he have given me all i need. i shall not want more.
do i believe? or is it just cause of her?
still some things i want to know. know them i shall. i fear not what may come.
yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil: for thou art with me.
Friday, April 29, 2005
take 2
first read, for a second time.
revalations 22:13
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
read this many many years ago and started using 'a&o' as my handle on some places. now it becomes my first page.
curiously strangely coincidental.
question of who am i? from it stems many other questions which i feel are important. itself stems from another question of, what are we to be?
broke down and cried. lost. feeling heartache again. once again i am alright. will carry on my life. feels that i want something more.though i am afraid, will let what comes, come. face it and face myself.
i want it so much. it is so beautiful. but i will not live a lie. i will face myself, my fears and maybe god. though i wish, i will not lie, cheat nor bluff. with intentions the actions must tally, or all is naught.
straight and narrow? so be it.
revalations 22:13
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
read this many many years ago and started using 'a&o' as my handle on some places. now it becomes my first page.
curiously strangely coincidental.
question of who am i? from it stems many other questions which i feel are important. itself stems from another question of, what are we to be?
broke down and cried. lost. feeling heartache again. once again i am alright. will carry on my life. feels that i want something more.though i am afraid, will let what comes, come. face it and face myself.
i want it so much. it is so beautiful. but i will not live a lie. i will face myself, my fears and maybe god. though i wish, i will not lie, cheat nor bluff. with intentions the actions must tally, or all is naught.
straight and narrow? so be it.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
strange
could be out of race for SEA games. strangely, i am not very sad or pissed or disappointed. guess i know i did my best and still am. no regrets and still fighting. been like this and will be i guess. down but never out, till i decide to quit.
many thanks for Daryl. talked to me about some stuff and make me more comfortable and more confident. friends are such, there for each other. =) thanks dude..
life's been..good. happier these days. those who knows, knows. those who don't..well too bad. s@@ how it goes. really really unexpected. and really really happy. it's the kind of feeling that completes your day. weird. strange. happy. hoping. wishing.
life, have many unexpected turns. for bad or good..until the fat lady sings.
'cause sometimes it seems
like this world's closing in on me,
and there's no way of breaking free
and then i see you reach for me
sometimes i wanna give up
i wanna give in,
i wanna quit the fight
and then i see you, baby
and everything's alright, everything's alright..'-Bad English
many thanks for Daryl. talked to me about some stuff and make me more comfortable and more confident. friends are such, there for each other. =) thanks dude..
life's been..good. happier these days. those who knows, knows. those who don't..well too bad. s@@ how it goes. really really unexpected. and really really happy. it's the kind of feeling that completes your day. weird. strange. happy. hoping. wishing.
life, have many unexpected turns. for bad or good..until the fat lady sings.
'cause sometimes it seems
like this world's closing in on me,
and there's no way of breaking free
and then i see you reach for me
sometimes i wanna give up
i wanna give in,
i wanna quit the fight
and then i see you, baby
and everything's alright, everything's alright..'-Bad English
Saturday, April 23, 2005
more..
more complicated now..missing someone..
abit more confused now..wondering what's right..
somewhat more past my past now..things are still there as facts, but affects me little..
more is good? hmm..
still feeling shucks at shooting..still trying..still fighting..
when you believe in an ideal, you become something else.
abit more confused now..wondering what's right..
somewhat more past my past now..things are still there as facts, but affects me little..
more is good? hmm..
still feeling shucks at shooting..still trying..still fighting..
when you believe in an ideal, you become something else.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
cry
i can be so many things to so many people.
help them up, push them on..give them hope and let them fly. teach them to love themself and be their best. be there for them and let them crash..be their pillar and their support.
who will be here to help me? who will i let in?
i don't trust much anymore. broken things don't mend. not the way they used to be anymore.
broken..beyond repair.
am i enough? good enough? strong enough? after losing so much faith and trust..will i be enough for my last dream? do i even live the dream? or simply living day by day?
cannot even trust myself..what's worse?
help them up, push them on..give them hope and let them fly. teach them to love themself and be their best. be there for them and let them crash..be their pillar and their support.
who will be here to help me? who will i let in?
i don't trust much anymore. broken things don't mend. not the way they used to be anymore.
broken..beyond repair.
am i enough? good enough? strong enough? after losing so much faith and trust..will i be enough for my last dream? do i even live the dream? or simply living day by day?
cannot even trust myself..what's worse?
simply
life now is simply fucked up.
feeling down and out. it's probably just a phase that will last a few days. been so bloody tired. trying to meet all the commitments. everyday chiong and chiong. all seems for nothing. quite pissed with things. fed-up and sick of fighting.
but tomorrow, i'll be at the range..shooting..trying hard. fool..i am.
so sian..so pissed..so tired..no mood..angry..sad..in pain..anguish..
all i ask for is a chance. for that chance..i am now giving my life.
feeling down and out. it's probably just a phase that will last a few days. been so bloody tired. trying to meet all the commitments. everyday chiong and chiong. all seems for nothing. quite pissed with things. fed-up and sick of fighting.
but tomorrow, i'll be at the range..shooting..trying hard. fool..i am.
so sian..so pissed..so tired..no mood..angry..sad..in pain..anguish..
all i ask for is a chance. for that chance..i am now giving my life.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
somewhat
days been normal.
pretty same same. somewhat sianZ, somewhat ok.
shooting been getting back to normal levels. 1100s. tuning and stuff. arrows now too soft even with my sianed low poundage. from 48 drop to 46, then reduce to 44 and now about 42-43. and arrows still too soft. i miss the days when my bare shaft can shoot 90m and 70m easily. shucks. no money to get new arrows. *ka-chings*already abit in the red already. just make do and do me bestest i suppose..
should be going Korea in May for training. looking forward to it. hope it can help me improve, away from this noobie level of 1100s.
lots of thoughts about what's to come. lots of wishes that i don't really dare to dream anymore. been quite sad actually, about dreams. of all my dreams that are the life fulfilling kind, none are acomplished, and only one left. trudge on..painfully.
i wish, i dream, i hope.. ..
'from a distance, you look like my friend
even though we are at war..
from a distance i cannot comprehend
what all the fighting is for..
from a distance there is harmony
and it echoes through the land..
it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves..
it's the heart of every man..'-Bette Midler
pretty same same. somewhat sianZ, somewhat ok.
shooting been getting back to normal levels. 1100s. tuning and stuff. arrows now too soft even with my sianed low poundage. from 48 drop to 46, then reduce to 44 and now about 42-43. and arrows still too soft. i miss the days when my bare shaft can shoot 90m and 70m easily. shucks. no money to get new arrows. *ka-chings*already abit in the red already. just make do and do me bestest i suppose..
should be going Korea in May for training. looking forward to it. hope it can help me improve, away from this noobie level of 1100s.
lots of thoughts about what's to come. lots of wishes that i don't really dare to dream anymore. been quite sad actually, about dreams. of all my dreams that are the life fulfilling kind, none are acomplished, and only one left. trudge on..painfully.
i wish, i dream, i hope.. ..
'from a distance, you look like my friend
even though we are at war..
from a distance i cannot comprehend
what all the fighting is for..
from a distance there is harmony
and it echoes through the land..
it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves..
it's the heart of every man..'-Bette Midler
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
what else?
now idea what is happening to my life.
been pretty sedated. shoot, train, coach..nothing much. trying hard to acheive, but losing steam. guess will have to do some introspection about myself.
guess i am wishing for something more..more interesting? more out of ordinary? to kick me in the head and wake me up? wishing for something to lift me up and soar? not really sure..just feels as if some thing missing in life these days..though things are fine and improving..
so many things to do so little time. but it's ok since i am doing things and doing them alright. just doing what i can. just hope i can do better. i know i can, just something not right. hai..
Archery - Sport/activity where the laws of physics, logic and commonsense have little application.
been pretty sedated. shoot, train, coach..nothing much. trying hard to acheive, but losing steam. guess will have to do some introspection about myself.
guess i am wishing for something more..more interesting? more out of ordinary? to kick me in the head and wake me up? wishing for something to lift me up and soar? not really sure..just feels as if some thing missing in life these days..though things are fine and improving..
so many things to do so little time. but it's ok since i am doing things and doing them alright. just doing what i can. just hope i can do better. i know i can, just something not right. hai..
Archery - Sport/activity where the laws of physics, logic and commonsense have little application.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
help?
don't know what i am doing right. or wrong.
old problems cope up again. new ones appear. why? stronger now. feel that form is alright. why can't i just shoot better. been at this score for years!!!
know that my attitude towards improving was not good. changed that. now i work hard. train hard. stronger, shoot more, more stable. but why am i not performing? can someone tell me?
what would i say to my student? i would fix the fucking problem. look for things to fix and fix it. given the amount of time i train and attention i pay to my shooting, it should be fixable. but why is it not? what's wrong?
feel like just give it up. i can coach well. i can make others shoot well. damn it!
help.
old problems cope up again. new ones appear. why? stronger now. feel that form is alright. why can't i just shoot better. been at this score for years!!!
know that my attitude towards improving was not good. changed that. now i work hard. train hard. stronger, shoot more, more stable. but why am i not performing? can someone tell me?
what would i say to my student? i would fix the fucking problem. look for things to fix and fix it. given the amount of time i train and attention i pay to my shooting, it should be fixable. but why is it not? what's wrong?
feel like just give it up. i can coach well. i can make others shoot well. damn it!
help.
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