a simple plan

most things start out as such.

all you need was (a + b + some c) then you'll get what you wanted in life and could die a happy person. but along the way some things go wrong. other things catch your attention. some one tell you you are not right. then everything seems to crumble so easily you wonder if you can make it through.

nice day today. cool weather. nice wind. shot nicely. alone and feeling great. then felt..lonely. something is missing from my life. i tried to ignore it. the more i try, the more i miss it. man, is so weak. is there nothing i can do? there are always extreme things i can do..but that would be very irresponsible of me. life is not like a movie where the actors and actresses can do god-damned weird things and not suffer real consequences. so..nothing really i can do.

strange feeling after that. feel like breaking down and cry. cry like a little boy who lost his way home. yet another part of me wants to scream. to roar. to..make known my pain and make heard the loneliness felt. but i can't.

mid-autumn festival. mooncakes and lanterns. artistic and joyous. meaningless this year. sent mooncakes to someone i know who would be lonely. so far away. hope all is fine. hope all is well.

though i wish i couldn't. or can i? just that i don't want to? to let go is tough. the toughest thing i am trying so far. to stop being wistful. to stop hoping. i am trying. even though it's breaking me apart.

tears in silence.

alone-ken
are we not all alone?

'drowning past regrets..in tea and cigarettes..
but I can't seem to forget..when you came along..
ingenue, ingenue, i just don't know what to do..'-Formica Blues