iIf you are cast in a different mould to the majority, it is no merit of yours: nature did it.
- Charlotte Bronte

what fucking merit? it is of no merit or demerit.

sometimes it's joy other times it's pain. such is life. no more. no less. it's the throw of a dice by a unseen being. you just got to roll with it. some have it easier than others in appearance. but what do you know?

we don't know shit about anyone else.

zen dog

he knows not where he's going,
for the ocean will decide.
it's not the destination..
it's the glory of the ride!
-Edward Monkton

here and now

the world of books is the most remarkable creation of man. nothing else that he builds ever lasts. monuments fall, nations perish, civilizations grow old and die out; and, after an era of darkness, new races build others. but in the world of books are volumes that have seen this happen again and again, and yet live on, still young, still as fresh as the day they were written, still telling men's hearts of the hearts of men centuries dead.
- Clarence Day

the real world is not easy to live in. it is rough; it is slippery. without the most clear-eyed adjustments we fall and get crushed. a man must stay sober: not always, but most of the time.
- Clarence Day

quite some thoughts running in my mind. recurring thoughts and ideas. i cannot yet find the words to put them out. still cannot conceptualize them in the language that others can understand.

life have been pretty normal. work, play, sleep. some good times and some bad. happy times and some sad.

it's good to have friends around who cares enough to just listen and no bother if what you have done is right or wrong..and rather more worried about if you are alright and what you need to get it going again.

feels lonely and alone sometimes. but i know You are there. i can don't feel it, don't see it. but i know it. You are there. You saved me from certain harm and you are here with me.

hate / love

holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
- buddha

i'm not too sure of the quote source..but nonetheless it's at least true in most cases.

not liking someone does not mean you cannot love that person. liking someone does not make you love that person.

like? love? figure it out.

i don't know what it means to anyone else. or myself perhaps.

tired of all these shit.

one punch at a time

i was feeling so down and out these few days..all snow balled from long ago..

been tough to relax and take things easy..so much work and responsibilities jammed into my life..really feel like running away..

been awhile since i attended service. today i went, but left early to do work. but slowly i felt better. i don't know why. i didn't feel connected to the service or anything..but as i do my work, i felt a sense that i can pull through and i just need to do what comes.

i know that. i knew that. but something in me didn't feel it. after today, i felt it more. still unsure and irritated, but i think i can manage.

food fills the body. thoughts fills the mind. prayer fills the spirit.
what fills the heart? love? not always. sometimes it's pain. what indeed..? mercy and grace from God perhaps. but for that..we need to let Him into our hearts.

satellite

are you out there? can you hear me?
do you know my whereabouts?
do you know what i'm all about?
through the static
you're so close, so far away

are you listening? i'm desperate
sendin' out an SOS
cause i'm lost, i must confess
throw a lifeline, i'm down here
drowning in the deepest part of me

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me
are you watching over me tonight?
i need to know you're out there

your lines open and receiving?
you know i got so much to say
i just don't wanna fade away
keep on talking cause you're keeping me alive

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me
are you watching over me tonight?
i need to know you're out there

everybody hurts
everybody cries
everybody needs someone
to save them sometimes

everybody hurts
everybody cries
everybody needs someone
to save them sometimes
save them sometimes

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me
are you watching over me tonight?
i need to know you're out there

satellite
satellite
-Bon Jovi

sad but true

hey i’m your life
i’m the one who takes you there
hey i’m your life
i’m the one who cares
they, they betray
i’m your only true friend now
they, they’ll betray
i’m forever there

i’m your dream, make you real
i’m your eyes when you must steal
i’m your pain when you can’t feel
sad but true

i’m your dream, mind astray
i’m your eyes while you’re away
i’m your pain while you repay
you know it’s sad but true, sad but true

you, you’re my mask
you’re my cover, my shelter
you, you’re my mask
you’re the one who’s blamed
do, do my work
do my dirty work, scapegoat
do, do my deeds
for you’re the one who’s shamed

i’m your dream, make you real
i’m your eyes when you must steal
i’m your pain when you can’t feel
sad but true

i’m your dream, mind astray
i’m your eyes while you’re away
i’m your pain while you repay
you know it’s sad but true,sad but true

i'm your dream,
i'm your eyes,
i'm your pain

i'm your dream
i'm your eyes
i'm your pain

you know it's sad but true

hate, i’m your hate
i’m your hate when you want love
pay, pay the price
pay for nothing’s fair

hey, i’m your life
i’m the one who took you there
hey, i’m your life
and i no longer care

i’m your dream, make you real
i’m your eyes when you must steal
i’m your pain when you can’t feel
sad but true

i’m your truth, telling lies
i’m your reasoned alibis
i’m inside open your eyes
i’m you

sad but true
-Metallica

broken dreams. goals diverted. paths muddled. we all change. sad but true.

world. life. people. society. so disappointing. meh.

do you have a dream?

there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. no one can avoid them. but it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.
— Paulo Coelho

what are you fighting for?

what are you living for?

Zvarri!

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
-William Gibbs McAdoo, 46th United States Secretary of the Treasury

smart dude that one.

learned

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
— B.F. Skinner

it is my opinion that many people in Singapore, maybe the world at large, have failed to acquire an education.

they do things without regard to the well being of their equals. perhaps worse, they do not treat others as equals. many regard animals as free to kill and profit from. they treat the earth as a given resource to exploit, to gain more inconsequential material items. yet, many of these items have no value other than to be a boost their frail ego.

what do they think when others do the same to them in return? some learn to be less intrusive, many do not. many are blind.

if education does not teach one how to operate in the society in a manner that is acceptable, then the society will simply lower it's expectations of what is acceptable. because too many people are doing something, no one is willing to take steps to stop it anymore.

what was not acceptable slowly gains a foothold to be acceptable. no doubt the society is a living state, it will change. it's inhabitants must decide what is and what is not acceptable.

is it acceptable for a primary school boy to walk and throw away wrappings from a toy on the ground? who is there to educate him? the maid? strangers on the street? the cleaner?

is it acceptable for one to ignore traffic signs and squeeze into the yellow box to try to go faster? all while jamming up the entire lane from the other direction?

fine works only if there are people to catch them to fine them. even then, the people may shrug at the low amount of fines.


if the people cannot be educated, what can be done?

we're doomed.

real life

i wish that life was like it is in the movies
'cause the hero always gets his way
no matter how hard it gets on that dark lonely road
at the end he's got a smile on his face
but when they threw me out to the lions
no one saved me as i fell from your grace
and no one wrote me new lines for what i said wrong
what i did wrong i could not erase

this is real life
this is real love
this is real pain that much i'm sure of
these are real tears
these are real fears inside that i can't hide

i wish that i could be your white knight in armor
with an army just to bring you back home
but I'll admit i'm scared of dialing your number
someone else is gonna answer the phone
why can't it be like it is on TV?
when the orchestra plays and you come back to me

this is real life
this is real love
this is real pain that much i'm sure of
these are real tears
these are real fears inside i can't hide
this real life
this real love
these are real wounds I'm bleeding from
and i realize this real

i always thought that our love was a storybook tale
God knows that i never dreamed in the end it would fail

'cause this is real life
this is real love
this is real pain that much i'm sure of
these are real tears
these are real fears inside, i can't hide
this real life
this is real love
these are real wounds i'm bleeding from
when i realize this real...
-Jon Bon Jovi

life don't always give you a second chance.

as we go on

as i go on in life, these days especially, i find myself having more questions.

questions about the society's direction. questions about human's humanity. questions about what exactly one wants and how do you know it is. also questions about 'WHY THE HECK ARE SOME PEOPLE ALIVE?!?!?!?!'

just creating problems for all. just hanging on to shreds of dignity and shooting off from the gaping maw that spews brain dead statements.

it really tests my patience. it really tests my control. if i was 10 years younger, i would rip his face off.

some days i don't want to get up. getting up means facing this torrent of bullshit and holding my face like a statue and doing what's 'professional'. being professional means doing your job and sacrificing some of your self/time to get it done? what does it really mean? where is the heart in doing things? where is the desire for the country? for the greater good and progress of all?

i am too naive. my ideals are not for these crazee times. these times..these crazy times calls for crazy response. but i can't. i have a job to do. i have responsibilities to fulfill. i cannot be myself. i cannot act on what i think. i cannot say what i thunk.

i am tired. tired of this charade. this nonsensical dance of words that leave everyone drained and feeling lost.

God..you have a plan. i believe you have a plan for all of us. right now it's hard for me to see and feel. but i will believe, for i have felt your goodness and not forgotten your grace and mercy.

they don't care about us

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
situation, aggravation
everybody allegation
in the suite, on the news
everybody dog food
bang bang, shot dead
everybody's gone mad

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

beat me, hate me
you can never break me
will me, thrill me
you can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
everybody do me
kick me, kike me
don't you black or white me

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

tell me what has become of my life
i have a wife and two children who love me
i am the victim of police brutality, now
i'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
you're rapin' me of my pride
oh, for God's sake
i look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
set me free

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
everybody allegation
in the suite, on the news
everybody dog food
black man, black male
throw your brother in jail

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

tell me what has become of my rights
am i invisible because you ignore me?
your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
i'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
they're throwing me in a class with a bad name
i can't believe this is the land from which i came
you know i do really hate to say it
the government don't wanna see
but if Roosevelt was livin'
he wouldn't let this be, no, no

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
situation, speculation
everybody litigation
beat me, bash me
you can never trash me
hit me, kick me
you can never get me

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

some things in life they just don't wanna see
but if Martin Luther was livin'
he wouldn't let this be

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
situation, segregation
everybody allegation
in the suite, on the news
everybody dog food
kick me, strike me
don't you wrong or right me

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
-Michael Jackson

insight

how we look at other people's problems and issues determines how we feel about them and how we deal with them.

what can we know about their lives? how can we, anything but, scratch the surface and see only the shell?

am reading dreams from my father at the airport. waiting for a friend to arrive to leave. airport..where lives meet and separate. where people smile and laught. where others cry and despair. reaching out to some who never return. to catch those who finally have their feet planted where it belongs.

airports give me a sense of hope and fear at the same time. with all it brings and all it takes away.

sometimes what we see in others are only the issues that deals with other people. the issues on this earth.

but what about deep down? the issues that no one else knows about..the thoughts that keep one awake and silently pray each night. the unseen fears that drives one to excel where others can see. the dreams that vanishes each dawn. the hurt that cannot be washed away and the tears that doesn't flow anymore.

how about those hopes. those aspirations that reaches even the heavens. the fears that are contained in a even greater possibility. the disappointments that are constantly replaced by even more daring ideas. the reaching out for greatness that begins by reaching inward for strength. the endurance that is forged by daily renewal of hope.

of these, what can we know of a person? what words can describe and what ears can hear, can the heart feel?

who can we truly understand and understand us in return? mere exchange of words will not satisfy. the bond that requires no words and transcends distance.

who do we have in our lives that we have this bond with?

if there is no one on this earth, look to the heavens and feel in your heart.

past year

i have not been up to the standard on the attempt to write more on my blog.

i have not been satisfied to live life as alive as i want it to be.

i have not learnt or experienced enough the past year.

more to come this year.

be strong

i felt my days are not good these days. i complain and get depressed. i think about what i should do and what i want to do.

then i am thrown an article.
http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/64677772.html

reading it i felt that i have been so blessed and fortunate. and i have been selfish. i have been blind-sided and careless. i am humbled.

thank you, Lord. for making me open my eyes and for breaking my heart in a way that makes me love Your people again.

days gone by..goes by..

cannot sleep these days. it's like..i feel tired but yet something is keeping me awake.

feels bothered by stuff..don't really know what. i mean things are not running as i think they should, but that's nothing new. everything in the world is pretty fucked up.

there are people who don't care about the future, don't care about others, some don't even care about themselves and just want to make others hurt. i mean..what is the world coming to? not that i expect everyone to think like me..but there is no logic to their actions that i can see. if it's differing opinion on what is better, how to get it done..i can understand and swallow that, somehow. but when people do things that are outright retarded and it seems to me it's simply an act of psychological masturbation or ego boost or whatever you want to call it, it makes me pissed off much.

i don't really know what i am unhappy about. or what i am bothered by. there are so many little things and a few bigger things. perhaps just feeling that things are not going well. and not chance of it going well anytime soon.

pretty tired and depressed lately. just want to sleep and relax. but nothing entertains me or make me look forward to anything. i don't even feel like reading or playing games. i just sit around and do nothing. read random news and stuff.

lost. try to rest again.

dumb luck

i go through most years without falling seriously sick or terribly injured. that's pretty much luck considering how i don't take care of my diet and do silly shit every once a while.

then i have to fall and take four stitches on my right hand. exit from a cab and fell. dumb luck.

trying to keep body in better shape and eat healthier. i don't want to feel out of breath after climbing stairs.

i can still remember how i can rush everywhere and feel fit like a fiddle. getting older, but not going to just let that get in my way of being fit. got to keep up with my students at least. haha.

it won't be as easy as when i was younger..but still..you know..got to do it.

yeah. luck is for those who are not prepared.

Angel

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah Mclachlan

Sports

Sport is singularly able to give us peak experiences where we feel completely with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our potential.
-George A. Sheehan

Ulsan - Archery Wolrd Championships

news worthy!

singaporean archer rewrites national record at archery wolrd champs..!!

korean archers rewrites world record for 90m, FITA and team total score..!!

few more days to go..!

writing

i think my writing have gone seriously kaput.

when i read my older writings and stuff, it seems as if i could possibly improve on that and be happy.now when i writ anything it feels so difficult to get a good flow and present ideas well. it's like there was something that just allows the words to come and form up nicely that conjures the image that i want to present. i find it hard to do that now.

i have read more and listened more. something else have changed.

maybe i am tired from work. all the paper work and mountains of forms from the ssc is making me dull.

maybe i am just more theoretical and abstract. like i can think and imagine more complex stuff but my vocab and language skills are lacking and is letting me down.

maybe, i just never had it in me to write any better. i just had a few good nights to type out things that i think fit what i feel.

maybe i am just less inclined to put things out in words. it's like, the passion for expressing is not there anymore. i feel it and deal with it. there is less need to put it all out.

maybe i just need to drink more whiskey then start writing..=)

anyway..will attempt to write more and find my style, however good or bad it is. i do enjoy writing stuff and putting ideas into words, just need to get down to it, make it a habit and practice.

even talented people need to practice to sharpen their skills to be a master. much less to say about me without much talent.

mess

my room is a huge mess. so much work stuff all over the place.

my life is abit of a mess. so many thigns to do, so little time. so many choices, so little freedom. so tired..so little peace of mind.

work is..tiring. under paid and over work is the norm in developed countries? other than those high flyers, we the gears, grind and turn and work the machine without much appreciation.

modern life. bleah.

there are things to look forward to..just sometimes other things loom so large that they block out the good things in life. maybe cause i do not know how to see them or to stay focus..?

asking why is pretty much useless. all there is left to ask is 'when'?

polar

extremes.

there are two things i really want to do right now.

1 - sleep. hope i can fall asleep and rest well.

2 - i want to go on a massacre. there seems to be more people getting on my 'if there is no law..' list.

oh well..it's not like i am angry at them. it's just that they are threat to stability of the society as a general thing and that they do not care. if they do not care and use the law to protect them from harm while causing harm lawfully, then it makes me want to do something about it.

anyway..sleepZ.

maybe..

if i wasn't so beat i'll post something more meaningful.

but for now..i need to rest for the long weekend....

ha ha ha..

what a joke. on the forum.

if you know. you know. if not..oh well.

ha ha ha.

reaching for the stars is like reaching for breast.
getting there doesn't means that you'll be welcome.
-asofterworld.com

wow

short trip

had a rather fruitful trip.

both in terms of building myself and relating to others. learned some stuff and hopefully, helped people.

good thing we came back when we did. now all flights grounded and flooded around there.

God provides, guides and shelters.

the troublemaker

the mouth is. or in this age, the fingers as well.

what we say or type can create alot of trouble.

Mat 15:17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?
Mat 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
Mat 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
Mat 15:20 These are [the things] which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

i remember i heard in a sermon we should always watch what we say to others. as our words can heal or can kill. before saying something, think, 'Is it necessary?', 'Will it harm others?'

i think many of us can learn to speak less and think about what comes out of our mouths. for me, i try but still fall short. every night as i take stock, i find that i still say many unfruitful things and even harmful thing.

shall attempt to be more careful. speak things that give aid to others, that adds to people and make us better.

is it too high an aim?

grr

i hate my life. and myself. now.

shit loads of things to do and i am giving up my own things to help others.

i really want a break..but nowhere to be found yet.

will ask for one soon. soon.

we are all children

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQLfJG1hmcM&feature=related

Earth Song - Michael Jackson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqeADZgjtpY

what about sunrise
what about rain
what about all the things
that you said we were to gain
what about killing fields
is there a time
what about all the things
that you said was yours and mine
did you ever stop to notice
all the blood we've shed before
did you ever stop to notice
the crying Earth its weeping shores?

aaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaah

what have we done to the world
look what we've done
what about all the peace
that you pledge your only son
hat about flowering fields
is there a time
what about all the dreams
that you said was yours and mine
did you ever stop to notice
all the children dead from war
did you ever stop to notice
the crying Earth its weeping shores

aaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaah

i used to dream
i used to glance beyond the stars
now i don't know where we are
although i know we've drifted far

aaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaah
aaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaah

hey, what about yesterday (what about us)
what about the seas (what about us)
the heavens are falling down (what about us)
i can't even breathe (what about us)
what about Africans (what about us)
i ain't even you (what about us)
what about nature's worth (ooh ooh)
it's our planet's womb (what about us)

what about animals (what about it)
turned kingdoms to dust (what about us)
what about elephants (what about us)
have we lost their trust (what about us)
what about crying whales (what about us)
ravaging the seas (what about us)
what about forest trails (ooh ooh)
burnt despite our pleas (what about us)

what about the holy land (what about it)
torn apart by greed (what about us)
what about the common man (what about us)
can't we set him free (what about us)
what about children dying (what about us)
can't you hear them cry (what about us)
where did we go wrong (ooh ooh)
someone tell me why (what about us)

what about baby boy (what about it)
what about the days (what about us)
what about all their joy (what about us)
what about the man (what about us)
what about the crying man (what about us)
what about Abraham (what about us)
what about death again (ooh ooh)
do we give a damn?!?!
-Michael Jackson

Earth is too good for humans.

mind gym

The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field. - Vince Lombardi

life changing

i wish.

life now is just freaking sad. i don't ever get to do what i want anymore.

raged against the 'some person you know'

what the fuck

i hate this shit.

people. people people. people people people.

we are all flawed. can't we just be more accepting and encouraging?

remove the log in your eye before removing the speck of dust in your brother's eye.

well i'm so far away the step that take's on my way home
a king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night
to see through this pay phone
still i run out of time or it's hard to get through
till the bird on the wire flies me back to
you i'll just close my eyes, whisper baby blind love is true
-Jon Bon Jovi

moody

blah blah blah.

angel

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah Mclachlan

tough enough?

the most important attribute a player must have is mental toughness.
-Mia Hamm

mind games

the mind is a powerful thing and most people don't use it properly.
-Mark McGwire

to be good..

you have to train your mind like you train your body. Bruce Jenner

follow you hom

well you can dig me up a grave
and try and stick me in the ground
well you can tie me to the bed
and try and beat me half to death
but you can never keep me down
well you can stick me in a hole
and you can pray all day for rain
you can shoot me in the leg
just to try to make me beg
and you can leave me there for days

and i'll stay alive
just to follow you home
and i will survive
'cause you're my Mississippi princess
you're my California queen
like the duchess of Detroit
and every city in between
you can slap me in the face
you can scream profanity
leave me here to die alone but
i'll still follow you home
i'll still follow you home

you can make a couple calls
and tell your brothers i'm in town
put a bounty on my head
and tell my parents that i'm dead
and hope to hell i'm never found
you can steal me the keys
to your daddy's Cadillac
you can tamper with the brakes
call it a mistake
and pray i'm never coming back

you can dig me up a grave
and try and stick me in the ground
you can tie me to the bed
and try and beat me half to death
but you can never keep me down

and i will survive
'cause you're my Mississippi princess
you're my California queen
like the duchess of Detroit
and every city in between
you can slap me in the face
you can scream profanity
leave me here to die alone but
i'll still follow you home
i'll still follow you home
-Nickleback

creepy..heh. sometimes i feel exactly that, nothing is going to stop me! sometimes..

wishing..

wishing you were somehow here again..
wishing you were somehow near..
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here..

still like this much.

iris

and i'd give up forever to touch you
cause i know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
and i don't want to go home right now

and all i can taste is this moment
and all i can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later it's over
i just don't want to miss you tonight

and i don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything seems like the movies
yeah you bleed just to know your alive

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
-Goo Goo Dolls

far away

this time, this place
misused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait
just one chance
just one breath
just in case there's just one left
'cause you know,
you know, you know

that i love you
i have loved you all along
and i miss you
been far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i don't see you anymore

on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
'cause with you, i'd withstand
all of hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
i'd give for us
give anything but i won't give up
'cause you know,
you know, you know

so far away
been far away for far too long
so far away
been far away for far too long
but you know, you know, you know

i wanted
i wanted you to stay
'cause i needed
i need to hear you say
that i love you
i have loved you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
'cause i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
'cause i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
hold on to me and, never let me go
-Nickleback

another nicikleback song that grew on me. few more will reach out to me i think..all pretty good. glad that i got the album for someone else. =)

unbelievable

there are some people in Singapore, who wants the government to disclose how and what lead to the arrest of MSK.

for transparency.

if you are one of those. go to a tall building. shout your request to the heavens. then jump. please. thank you very much.

what mar-duh school you come from? which cumpong you live in? what is in your cranial cavity? Or..are you actually a terrorist?

simply unbelievable.

i did not say 'jump down'. i said 'jump'.
if you jumped down and died or suffered any injuries, you can blame your lousy understanding of the English language.

suddenly

i am unhappy.

bah.

the block i stay in..

have become a make out center.

every night that i go running, at least one of the three seating areas will be occupied by couples making out. i really find it strange. i mean it's more often than not different couples.

my block is not that isolated to be blissfully uninterruptable. sOoo..why?

parents conservative?
room shared with brothers/sisters?
exciting?

well..i guess..i'm too old to understand.

woah.

so..the dalai lama said to the hotdog seller, "make me one with everything."

if everyone cared

from underneath the trees, we watch the sky
confusing stars for satellites
i never dreamed that you'd be mine
but here we are, we're here tonight

singing Amen, i, i'm alive
singing Amen, i, i'm alive

if everyone cared and nobody cried
if everyone loved and nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day when nobody died

and i'm singing Amen

Amen i, Amen i, i'm alive
Amen i, Amen i, Amen i, i'm alive

and in the air the fireflies
our only light in paradise
we'll show the world they were wrong
and teach them all to sing along

singing Amen, i, i'm alive
singing Amen, i, i'm alive
(i'm alive)

and as we lie beneath the stars
we realize how small we are
if they could love like you and me
imagine what the world could be

if everyone cared and nobody cried
if everyone loved and nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day when nobody died
when nobody died...

we'd see the day, we'd see the day
when nobody died
we'd see the day, we'd see the day
when nobody died
we'd see the day when nobody died
-Nickelback

uphill task

“lean into it, you’re letting the thing control you. don’t be afraid of it.”

i may fall. i may fail. i may do badly.

but..the only time i quit is when i decide to quit.

i will do what i can. i will not fail to try.

when is it enough? when i say it is. not when i fail or do badly. not when people laugh at me. not when i still have the desire to go on.

don't be afraid of it.

survey

85% of Singaporean reported feeling stress.

15% have not replied to the survey.

bah

need to explore myself more..strange.

unmotivated now.

Bush hater

yes i am.

just read some news about how Bush administration people are defending against media's portrayal of changes made by President Obama in contrast to Bush's decisions.

so much of it is bollocks!

55months straight of growth? yes, we are feeling to effect of the fucking bubble that was allowed to grow unchecked Mr EX-President.

balanced approach to stem cell research? perhaps, but Obama only said more spending, nothing on the guidelines, yet. which are being looked into by Scientists now. not administrators, not politicians. Scientist, who are going to do the research.

russian politics? yes, you retards always like to piss people off. building your missile defense right at their door step. NO WONDER, Sec. State have to warm up to them now. DUH!

what's good about Bush? that he have left the White House. YES.

don't even talk about 9/11. or the war in Iraq. It's Ee-Raq. Not I-Rack. Mr ex-president. the only link there with terrorist was many years old. WMD? yeah yeah..some 20 years old chem arti shells that they shot at IRAN. Operation Iraq Liberation(OIL). right? opps..it is officially OIF for freedom..oh..ok..

this is why some people in the world hate the US of A. cause some retards, spoil the image. Blackwater. Raytheon. who runs them? what are they doing? how much money have they took from they government and what have they done with those money?

BZZT!!!

blah blah blah

unhappy.
moody.
sianed.
unproductive.
bzzt!

learn.

everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.
-Carl Jung.

bed of roses

heard this at the gym today. seems like yesterday when i first heard it on my brother's CD.

still da shit, man.

sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
trying hard to capture
the moment this morning I don't know
cause a bottle of vodka
is still lodged in my head
and some blond gave me nightmares
i think shes still in my bed
as I dream about movies
they won't make of me when I'm dead

with an ironclad fist I wake up and
french kiss the morning
while some marching band keeps
it's own beat in my head
while we're talking
about all of the things that I long to believe
about love and the truth and
what you mean to me
and the truth is
baby you're all that I need

I want to lay you on a bed of roses
for tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
and lay you down on bed of roses

well I'm so far away
that each step that I take is on my way home
a kings ransom in dimes I'd given each night
just to see through this payphone
still I run out of time
or its hard to get through
till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
baby blind love is true

i want to lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
and lay you down on bed of roses

the hotel bar hangover whiskeys gone dry
the barkeepers wigs crooked
and she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
but I laughed so hard I think I died

when you close your eyes
know I'll be thinking about you
while my mistress she calls me
to stand in her spotlight again
tonight I won't be alone
but you know that don't
mean I'm not lonely
I've got nothing to prove for its you
that I'd die to defend

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
and lay you down on bed of roses
-Jon Bon Jovi

stepping back in time

had my first exam in about 10 years. interesting.

knew i could have done better, but i seem to be in a rush to finish it. that probably showed on the papers and arguments i put forth. bah. missed out some parts that i thought about and knew should have included.

oh well. next paper in a month or so. just pray that this one will be fine. i hope to get above B. i am not sure of what to expect as this is my first in this course and this century.

still too busy in life. cannot settle my things at home and relax.

hope some days will come and i can rest some. much to read and much to do.

please watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vTFesgMkzk&eurl=http://www.techamok.com/&feature=player_embedded

please do not be blind.

meetings

None of us is as dumb as all of us.

pains

whatever you do..DO NOT get your back injured. even if it doesn't kill you or paralyze you, it still hurts like mad. and it impedes your life so much you'd wish you can sleep the whole month away..!!

life is..feeling weird. things are fine and going along. many things happened and still many to come, it just feels weird. i do not feel very motivated or satisfied. i do not like festivities..maybe that's why i feel depressed.

i really do not like crowds. crowds==a massing of stupid people for stupid events/things.

of course there are times that i am part of the said crowds.

blah blah blah blah.. .. .. ..

people. suck shit and die.

naise..

Hawking, known not only for his sharp mind, but his sharp sense of humor, prefers option number three. "Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare," he quickly added: "Some would say it has yet to occur on earth."

first..

singaporean to fall victim to terrorist actions. it is a sad day for me.

i do not know this lady or her family, but as a singaporean, i feel angry and helpless. this could be any number of our country men or women any where in the world. could be your friend or mine. even our family members.

these terrorist, moral-less, cowards, retards!!! you cannot have your agenda fulfilled in a civilised and lawful manner, and resort to killing innocents and making life worse for everybody in the world. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!

you have guns and bombs to back up your arguments and make your demands, simply because you have nothing of value to rely on.

this is not the first in the world and it'll not be the last for singaporeans as well. our world is a sad world these days, a life is only worth as much as a bullet that takes to kill.

because some fucked up guy with some money or persuading power can twist people to do his bidding. if he is so interested in making others matyrs and 'secure' their place in paradise or whatever, why don't this moron go first and save us the trouble.

i'm enraged. i cannot put words out from the thoughts i have in my mind.

what will it take for innocents to be spared from the horrors of other's deranged ambitions?

head..

many pain..many nights..

multiple migraine

balh blah blah..

i don't know..

why the heck.

i mean i know. but i don't know why.

weak willed. perhaps.

parhaps, some people are made to burn.

maybe, i'm just evil. chaotic evil. ok..maybe chaotic neutral.

i don't know. i got to figure this out.

why am i so screwed up?

...

these days

i was walking around, just a face in the crowd
trying to keep myself out of the rain
saw a vagabond king wear a styrofoam crown
wondered if i might end up the same
there's a man out on the corner
singing old songs about change
everybody got their cross to bare, these days

she came looking for some shelter with a suitcase full of dreams
to a motel room on the boulevard
guess she's trying to be James Dean
she's seen all the disciples and all the "wanna be's"
no one wants to be themselves these days
still there's nothing to hold on to but these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days - are fast, love don't last in this graceless age
there ain't nobody left but us these days

Jimmy Shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
from a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
his momma said he was crazy - he said momma "i've got to try"
don't you know that all my heroes died
and i guess i'd rather die than fade away

these days - the stars seem out of reach
but these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the morning train
and there ain't nobody left but us these days

i know Rome's still burning
though the times have changed
this world keeped turning round and round and round and round
these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
but these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the morning train
and there ain't nobody left but us these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days - are fast, nothing lasts
there ain't no time to waste
there ain't nobody left to take the blame
there ain't nobody left but us these days
-Jon Bon Jovi

stars seem out of reach..

sledge hammer

the stress involve in this job peaks suddenly like a sledge hammer to the cranium. not that i know about the hammmer..but well..

stuck here waiting for someone to send a fax to save me from endless waiting.

exchanging mental health for money. yay.

Thank God for good family and friends.

woah..

the problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. we don't know when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being banged..
(www.overheardinnewyork.com)

TO Mr. Lame Ducky Bush

Please shut up and get lost. STOP your bullshit and nonsense!

http://environment.newscientist.com/article/dn15105-bush-rushes-harmful-environment-laws.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news2_head_dn15105

if everyone cared

from underneath the trees, we watch the sky
confusing stars for satellites
i never dreamed that you'd be mine
but here we are, we're here tonight

singing Amen, i, i'm alive
singing Amen, i, i'm alive

if everyone cared and nobody cried
if everyone loved and nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day when nobody died

and i'm singing amen

amen i, Amen i, i'm alive
amen i, Amen i, Amen i, i'm alive

and in the air the fireflies
our only light in paradise
we'll show the world they were wrong
and teach them all to sing along

singing Amen, i, i'm alive
singing Amen, i, i'm alive
(i'm alive)

and as we lie beneath the stars
we realize how small we are
if they could love like you and me
imagine what the world could be

if everyone cared and nobody cried
if everyone loved and nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day when nobody died
when nobody died..

we'd see the day, we'd see the day
when nobody died
we'd see the day, we'd see the day
when nobody died
we'd see the day when nobody died
-Nickleback

IF.

WTF! WTF!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

College senior Kyla Berry was looking forward to voting in her first presidential election, even carrying her voter registration card in her wallet. "Vote suppression is real. It does sometimes happen," said Daniel P. Tokaji, a law professor at Ohio State University. But about two weeks ago, Berry got disturbing news from local election officials. "This office has received notification from the state of Georgia indicating that you are not a citizen of the United States and therefore, not eligible to vote," a letter from the Fulton County Department of Registration and Elections said. But Berry is a U.S. citizen, born in Boston, Massachusetts. She has a passport and a birth certificate to prove it. Watch some of the concerns of voting experts » The letter, which was dated October 2, gave her a week from the time it was dated to prove her citizenship. There was a problem, though -- the letter was postmarked October 9. "It was the most bizarre thing. I immediately called my mother and asked her to send me my birth certificate, and then I was like, 'It's too late, apparently,' " Berry said.

Berry is one of more than 50,000 registered Georgia voters who have been "flagged" because of a computer mismatch in their personal identification information. At least 4,500 of those people are having their citizenship questioned and the burden is on them to prove eligibility to vote. Experts say lists of people with mismatches are often systematically cut, or "purged," from voter rolls. It's a scenario that's being repeated all across the country, with cases like Berry's raising fears of potential vote suppression in crucial swing states.

Ed.note: Here we are again. Every four years the Republicans come up with the same 'October surprise' of removing from the voter rolls as many as possible of the people likely to vote for the Democratic presidential candidate. Because a majority of the federal judges are Republican appointees, the Republican election officials tend to get away with this illegal activity.
(from www.techamok.com)

kite runner

one of the best i read this year. i really must recommend it. i am not really a fan of fiction like this. i prefer sci-fi or fantasy. but i am glad i bought this book. it's been a while since a book evoked so many types of emotions.

we all have demons, do we dare to face them?

for you, a thousand times over.

who i am

and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything seems like the movies
yeah you bleed just to know your alive

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am
-Goo Goo Dolls

something's wrong.

mixed

after pesta i just felt abit lost. i tried and did ok, but not enough for myself.

it feels like i have had enough. things are not going to get better. i am not getting anywhere. i am tired.

i don't know what's next..just getting by.

angel

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day

i need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memories seep from my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness
oh this glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees

in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah McLachlan

love

if you judge people, you don't have time to love them.

if you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.

i have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

-Mother Teresa

for whom the bell tolls

blackened roar massive roar fills the crumbling sky
shattered goal fills his soul with a ruthless cry
stranger now, are his eyes, to this mystery
he hears the silence so loud
crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be
now they will see what will be, blinded eyes to see
-Metallica

keeping the..

you're a falling star, you're the get away car.
you're the line in the sand when i go too far.
you're the swimming pool, on an august day.
and you're the perfect thing to say.

and you play your card, but it's kinda cute.
when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
cause you can see it when i look at you.

faith

and i feel just like i'm living
someone else's life
it's like i just stepped outside
when everything was going right
and i know just why you could not come along with me
this was not your dream
but you always believed in me..

bzzt!

and i don´t want the world to see me
cause i don´t think that they´d understand
when everything´s made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and you can´t fight the tears that ain´t coming
or the moments of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
and you bleed just to know you´re alive.

scared..but keeping faith.

wishing..

wishing you were somehow here again..
wishing you were somehow near..
sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here..

for the moment

we're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes
that's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and
hold it
cause we consider these minutes golden
and maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
just let our spirits live on, through our lyrics that you hear in our
songs and we can...

{c'mon}, sing with me, {sing}, sing for the years
{sing it}, sing for the laughter, sing for the tears, {c'mon)
sing it with me, just for today, maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you
away...
-Eminem

seriously

germany is lucky it's not more than 1 - 0.

the defence is like shit..run after striker half way then slow down or stop..wtm.

always make mistakes and leave players unmarked at all..then still don'w run to chase..leave it up to strikers to come back and help..

suck la.

euro2008

i like and support germany. but after watching the past few games..i don't really see how germany can stop spanish attacks.

it'll be tough for germany to win..unless there's some sudden improvement on german defence.

wonderwall

today is gonna be the day
that they're gonna throw it back to you
by now you should've somehow
realized what you gotta do
i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do about you now

backbeat the word was on the street
that the fire in your heart is out
i'm sure you've heard it all before
but you never really had a doubt
i don't believe that anybody feels
the way i do about you now

and all the roads we have to walk along are winding
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding
there are many things that i would
like to say to you
i don't know how

because maybe
you're gonna be the one who saves me ?
and after all
you're my wonderwall

today was gonna be the day?
but they'll never throw it back to you
by now you should've somehow
realized what you're not to do
i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do
about you now

and all the roads that lead to you were winding
and all the lights that light the way are blinding
there are many things that i would like to say to you
i don't know how

i said maybe
you're gonna be the one who saves me ?
and after all
you're my wonderwall

i said maybe
you're gonna be the one who saves me ?
and after an
you're my wonderwall

said maybe
you're gonna be the one that saves me
you're gonna be the one that saves me
you're gonna be the one that saves me
-Oasis

Suck-Hub

what the F!?!? starhub? SUCKHUB!

the second half of the match was disrupted for like 15-20mins. we pay to watch 'LIVE' match and got cut. cannot even hold a connection..no wonder losing customers.

they better compensate us. else..i'll burn paper figures of their boss..!! or beat my pillow in agony..!!

singapore should allow for more competition in the market..to drive better services and pricing. like our mobile providers..at least that's something.

KNS.

at least germany won..else i'll turn green and smash the ground and clap loudly..!!

Carl Sagan

if you want to make an apple pie from scratch..
you must first create the universe.

love song for a Savior

in open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
she thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"i want to fall in love with You"

sitting silent wearing sunday best
the sermon echoes through the walls
a great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

it seems too easy to call you "Savior",
not close enough to call you "God"
so as i sit and think of words i can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"
-Jars of Clay

Lord, my God, i thank thee for this day's trials and victories. for they each make us more than we were yesterday.

heh

seems like germany picked itself up somewhat and had a great game against portugal.

i was quite skeptical that germany could win. but in the end they played like germans always do. normally suddenly deadly.

i like it.*daryl's voice*

been quite sian about stuff lately. no idea what to do. things are meeting resistance in a few areas. nothing critical as yet..just..sianZ.

shall keep the faith and do what i can do.

the Lord is my shepard, i shall not be in want.

testify to love

all the colors of the rainbow
all of voices of the wind
every dream that reaches out
that reaches out to find where love begins
every word of every story
every star in every sky
every corner of creation lives to testify

for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love
i'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
with every breath i take i will give thanks to God above
for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love

from the mountains to the valleys
from the rivers to the sea
every hand that reaches out
every hand that reaches out to offer peace
every simple act of mercy
every step to kingdom come
all the Hope in every heart will speak what love has done
-Avalon

shucks!

germany lost..sian..

lousy defence. lousier ref..

toilet adventure

finally something somewhat about my life.

this afternoon, i went to city link's toilet. was surprised that the male toilet is full, i needed to release some solid toxic material, but i had to ferment it somemore while i waited for a empty bomb hole.

the first door opened and out came a guy around mid-20s. i moved forward, eager to unload my unwanted cargo. BUT! the door closed back and the lock thingy turned to occupied! then the guy turn and spoke to me. 'there's someone still inside.', calmly. i was shocked for a moment and moved back to my waiting place at the corner of the toilet. shocked.

lucky for me another door opened soon and thankfully, no one was still inside after it ejected one occupant. therefore i proceed with my business.

i cannot understand how can there be someone still inside..unless it a pair of deprived men. or his kid, which i doubt as he seem too young. or..well..i don't know.

everything

you're a falling star, you're the get away car.
you're the line in the sand when i go too far.
you're the swimming pool, on an august day.
and you're the perfect thing to say.

and you play it coy but it's kinda cute.
ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.
'cause you can see it when i look at you.

and in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
it's you, it's you, you make me sing.
you're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

you're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
and you light me up, when you ring my bell.
you're a mystery, you're from outer space,
you're every minute of my everyday.

and i can't believe, uh that i'm your man,
and i get to kiss you baby just because i can.
whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
and you know that's what our love can do.

so, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
so, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

and in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
it's you, it's you, you make me sing.
you're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
you're every song, and i sing along.
'cause you're my everything.
yeah, yeah

so, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
so, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
-Michael Buble

faith

'there is a madness needed to touch the gods, yes. this is true. few mortals possess it, the willingness to step away from the protection of sanity. to walk into the wild wood of madness..'
-The Kindly Ones.

faith requires some leap into the unknown. so does love. and trust. sometiumes things don't work the way thet are suppose to. they are not logical. they don't follow expectations.

sanity. so mundane.