as we go on

as i go on in life, these days especially, i find myself having more questions.

questions about the society's direction. questions about human's humanity. questions about what exactly one wants and how do you know it is. also questions about 'WHY THE HECK ARE SOME PEOPLE ALIVE?!?!?!?!'

just creating problems for all. just hanging on to shreds of dignity and shooting off from the gaping maw that spews brain dead statements.

it really tests my patience. it really tests my control. if i was 10 years younger, i would rip his face off.

some days i don't want to get up. getting up means facing this torrent of bullshit and holding my face like a statue and doing what's 'professional'. being professional means doing your job and sacrificing some of your self/time to get it done? what does it really mean? where is the heart in doing things? where is the desire for the country? for the greater good and progress of all?

i am too naive. my ideals are not for these crazee times. these times..these crazy times calls for crazy response. but i can't. i have a job to do. i have responsibilities to fulfill. i cannot be myself. i cannot act on what i think. i cannot say what i thunk.

i am tired. tired of this charade. this nonsensical dance of words that leave everyone drained and feeling lost.

God..you have a plan. i believe you have a plan for all of us. right now it's hard for me to see and feel. but i will believe, for i have felt your goodness and not forgotten your grace and mercy.