wish

i could yell at the top of my lungs.(top of one's lungs eh?)

very frustrated. verge of pissedness. rather angry. rather sad. rather not be thinking about things other than getting things done.

that's why i wanted to get away for awhile. i know i won't be taking it well. i try. i did. be normal. do what i do. i think i seem alright..but that DOES NOT MEAN I AM!!! fucked up. all crushed inside. the center of being no longer in balance. no longer strong and in control. and it's all my fault. not good enough. not able to let things be. i want to let go..yet i don't. i want it so much..yet i hate it this moment. life is a cruel bitch with a ironic sense of humor. damn it.

i got to do what i hate. bring ill tidings. i hate it. don't people s@@ it's not my fault? i just happen to be the one to tell you. i know it sucks. but hey..i am an archer too. you think i don't understand how you feel? i have been at this for 10 fucking years. ZERO support.. you think i enjoy telling you bad news? damn..you are all my friends. i want to help as much as i can. but some things are out of my control. please understand. i want you peopel to do well too..want you people to win and set a new standard for things to come..why do you think i give up my own dream to propel yours? fuck la. damn it.

how i want to lay down and break down. everything seems so bleak.

for all i do..things still go wrong. the point is to be stronger..be better..stay in there and keep the faith and all that. can you s@@ me behind my eyes? behind my smile and jokes? behind al that is 'MrKen'..there is just ken. bro-ken. who s@@s? who knows? not even my mom. not even whoever i know. now i mention it here..maybe some will. but who cares? why give a fuck? it's just ken.

argh!!! anguished.

want to punch things again. knowing i shouldn't..cause i'll break my fingers and whatever again. enough furniture have been broken. enough ken have been broken. don't i get it? get up and go..no one else cares enough to pick you up. damn it ken. get up or die. shit head.

just another statistic..little man.

misery likes company, i like the way that sounds
i've been trying to find the meaning, so i can write it down
staring out the window, it's such a long way down
i'd like to jump, but i'm afraid to hit the ground

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope, i got nothing to say
life is feeling kind of strange, since you went away
i sing this song to you wherever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms

i'm tired of watching tv, it makes me ant to scream
outside the world is burning, man it's so hard to belive
each day you know you're dying from the cradle to the grave
i get so numb sometimes, that i can't feel the pain

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope i've got nothing to say
life is feeling kind of strange, it's strange enough these days
i send this song to you, whoever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms

staring at the paper, i don't know what to write
i'll have my last cigarette-well, turn out the lights
maybe tomorrow i'll feel a different way
but here in my delusion , i don't know what to say

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope i've got nothing to save
and i can't fight the feelings buried in my brains
i send this song to you, whoever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding
-Bon Jovi
(you got to hear it to feel it.)