queen sums it up nicely..'the show must go on..'
take a walk to padington square. look for padington bear in his raincoat and boots.
all that i tried, all that i done..amounts to nothing..? why..?
the chill grips my being again. i know the feeling. it's fear.
world's apart.
the Rach 3 is still strangely comforting.
dug a hole..dropped in..to dig further.
the colors of the world stopped being attractive. the music of souls refuses to sing. life is dreary..
i always fall sick at this time of the year.
this winter is the coldest i had..i think..
pachabel's cannon sounds so mocking now.
ignorance is bliss..? it's far more dangerous than you know..(slight intended)
--
what am i to do with myself?
too tense my boy..breath and relax..
if i could..i still wouldn't..hehe..
what drives me..?
hmm..now that i am here typing..there are not much thoughts..when i am just sitting not intending to type..plenty of thoughts..how irritating..
down and almost out..haiz..
no mood..no motivation..no idea..
being free and chilling is not healthy for me..i get moody..
miss old times..when things were simpler..now i cannot even decide what to do when i am free..no longer sure..in a way it's good..cause i seldom spend time just playing games and wasting time away..but it also create alot of problems as now i have things that i want to do..but unable to..
angry..i am angry deep inside..well hidden..haha..not so well hidden now that i typed it out..angry about myself..not being better..not being more..but what can i do?
so many things are wrong..yet nothing i can do about it. why we live life in face of so much wrongs?
as crazy as before..usual..just that now i feel it's healthier to let it out here..than let it cooped up inside me then finally explode and make people hurt..or worried..
much things to do..too little energy..too little time..sleep less get more time..but less energy. sleep more get more engery but less time..hehe..balance..
knowledge and skills..but not needed in this kind of life..hmmhmm..ironic..
bah..so many things i want to say..but..feel it's not right..and i really don't want to cause more than i already did..
as i lay myseplf to sleep..
i pray the lord my soul to keep..
if i die before i wake..
i pray the lord my soul to take..
lyrics from metallica's enter the sandman
i like prayers..the way they sound..but i don't ever pray..though sometimes..feel like doing so..but am still determined to live my life without aid of any kind from other beings..haha..sounds weird even as i think of the words to put them out..anyway..it's how i chose to live my life..
The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
as i live my life as surely i know to be as good i can..though i have made much mistakes and some wrongs can never be redeemed or righted..i am sorry..
i shall not want..
to be able to rest comfortingly for a day would be blessing enough for me..seems forever since i had a good rest..
kind of like whining about my life and all..shall stop here..and try to rest..
hope all my friends near and far are all alright. as i been through deep dark halls, i know the need for a friend is great when the hour is late. don't hesitate to ask for a friend in me. i will be.
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