what does it matter what i think? what i want?
does not matter. there's a job to be done, i do it as best as i can. i am a fool. but i made a promise and i will do my best.
i am so tired. mentally and physically. neither the strength nor spirit to go on.
what i want for christmas? i want to be happy. i want to rest. i want you.
never liked festivals nor birthdays. though i know the significance, just doesn't do it for me. no matter does it?
really feel like freezing up like i did when my world turned up-side down. just want to freak out and shut down and go into depression. i can't. so many things reply on me. so many people, friends.
angry. raging fire. damn mad. a fury that i don't know what it will thurn me into. yet, a coldness. an emptiness that i don't know how to fill. even after sleeping on the floor without blanket and bathing in cold water, i feel colder inside. want to scream. want to cry. want to break down and be comforted.
thank you for being here. thank you for caring. i don't know what to say or do. thank you.
love makes fools of us all.
fool-ken
little big fool? big little fool? big fool.
'and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive.'-Goo Goo Dolls
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