ran

an english translation for a japanese show. chaos. luan(4).

many time our lives seems chaotic. out of control. no idea what is going on. things change and change. moving moving. so fast, before you can stop to think about it, it changes again. the fast ones catch up and the slower ones catching up.

as a person, when you change too much, people say you fickle minded. when you change too slow, people say you not up to date. middle ground? yourself.

recently things been moving rather fast in my life. books. games. friends. computer. shooting form. scores. much too fast for my taste. i rather a slow, delibrate, delicate execution of things.

been reading some books. some i bought, some my brother's, some my friends bought for me. all done. and coming out plenty more that i am interested in. is this because christmas is near and more books are coming out? there are at least nine books that i want now. and even if i get them i'll spend the next few months going through them once. in that span more will come out. and i rather read books at least three times. to get it in my thick stubborn skull the ideas presented and the things i can learn form it. and so..strangely there seems to be more books coming out? or i have more interest in more things? or i read too slowly?

games. haha. the other day just bought two games which i play alot. then just now went to take a walk and saw the games selling at the SAME price but with ALL the expansions. (insert favored explicit)

learnt more about some of my friends. friends, from aquaintance to friends. some friends left. some friends no longer hang out. some hang out less due to other stuff. some of my old friends, we don't even meet up anymore. been 2 years..and counting. our lives are too much and too fast for us to even make sometime for one another. mayhaps we are not as important as we thought we were.

my computer have problems. always. strangely. it's the same. exactly the same as my brother's. i built it, i know. my always got things spoiling. and i need to spend money replacing the components. just last week. the motherboard went out, i went to buy one with integrated things. to cut cost and save time. found out my graphic card damages as well. fine i have spare. simply replace. then found the sound system wasn't working. fine, i have spare, replaced it. my spare is not working. go buy another sound card. cannot install drivers, cause i using win98se. it only support winME and up. great. was going to spend money upgrading to XP. luckily, i took time to think and decided to try reinstalling windoze. then my on-board sound worked. what a messy week. to and fro sim lim. spending money on things that should have worked for longer. and spending unknown hours trying to get thigns to work.

shooting..bitter sweet symphony. change form some what, under guidance of the coach. tough, but can feel that it can be much better than my normal. ups and downs. score also up and down. did gym work. training hard. went for trials, did alright for my standard. got to work at it. many changes this year for my shooting. new bow. new form. new mindset. new training regime. for dreams!

through all these shifts in my life i am very thankful for my ever supportive family and few friends who never say no to hanging out or chatting and wasting time. without them i wouldn't be able to let off steam and carry on going.

what matters is what's inside us. what are you made of? you decide. you create, you. be who you want to be. work at it. we cannot be perfect, maybe. but what's to stop us from trying?

being-ken
being who i am at any given moment, in any given place, with any given person.

'was it you who spoke the words that things would happen, but not to me..
oh things are gonna happen naturally..
oh taking your advice, i'm looking on the bright side..
and balancing the whole thing.'-Jason Mraz