bah

been feeling like i want to blog but after numerus attempts, i just can't get words out of the feeling i am have now.

words seems to have gotten stuck. feelings are also half formed.

everything i do seems so..pointless.

when i have people around..i feel good. i feel alive. but once i am home and alone..doing work or playing games..then things seem..pointless. they don't really matter. work is to get money, important..but means to and end. games..waste time to find some form of leisure or pleasure.

things that occupy my mind at times include but not limited to the following. not in order of priority or seriousness.
my ex, she's getting married soon. she probably don't know that i know. but..i do..well..
somebody. i guess i am missing having somebody that close to walk and talk. but i guess somebody got other things better to do.
work, is so crap. people. adults. irresponsible for their own actions. who am i to tell them?
friends having troubles. troubles me as well. i wish i can help them more. but everyone have their own demons to face.
you, yes you. hope you are alright.
money, yes i am bothered by it. not enough to study next year. again. another year busted. want to tear my hair out already.
being lonely. my prison. bane of my sanity.

'i was walking around, just a face in the crowd
trying to keep myself out of the rain
saw a vagabond king wear a styrofoam crown
wondered if i might end up the same
there's a man out on the corner
singing old songs about change
everybody got their cross to bare, these days'
-Bon Jovi