remarkable

how stupid one can get..

i meant me. after which that happened..i realised how idiotic was the things i said. OMGness!

i am sorry. it's like my brains loaded a function which meant to say things that are inherently mean and meaningless at the same time. i have no excuse, except my stupidity.

s@@..that what i mean by i think i am still a stupid little boy. hai.. ..

competition tomorrow..should be asleep..but hunger is keeping me awake. just ate something..sOo..will probably sleep in a few tens minutes.

if things were simpler..if things were better..if..
but they are such. sorry..if in any way it's bad for you.

there's this feeling that i cannot find words to express. it's partly wistful, sad, longing, hopeful, scared, excited, afraid of what's to come, waiting for what's to come to come, dreamy, don't dare to hope..all mixed up. turns my stomache into a cement mixer machine thingy. make my brains wants to stop thinking and think more at the same time. that's why i am going mad. i am already mad to start with..this is making me more sane and mad. which make me more mad. bzzt!

just somethings to say to people.
mon->hope you are alright..have not meet up with you and just chill for a long time already..take care ok..if anything you know i'll help as much as i can. but you know yourself best..do what is needed. i care..even if you don't think so..

D->sometimes things takes time. everything have their own time. don't rush. there's this story of this person who want to learn a martial art. he seeked out this master and asked how long it takes to master the skill.
master-10 years
person-if i train double hard and take less time to eat and sleep and train more..how long?
master-20 years
it's not only the effort..there have to be a proper pace..or else things might take longer and more effort. you know that. just remember when things takes time. do soemthing else or just take a breather. my teacher who opens the store now taught me that we must all take time to stand and stare..look at all the pretty flowers..or else..what are we living for?

casey-things may be hard and unbearable..but we have in all of us the ability to endure and persist, no matter what. i will always be here if you need a listen ear or a hand to punch. don't inflict upon yourself anymore. mental pain is more than enough to endure..don't add to it. there are good times and bad. don't ever let yourself, and everyone who's with you, down.

***-do what you need to do. there is a need for things to turn around sometimes. you know what you do best. do your best as usual and let things go. not everything can be in control or estimated. that's the fun part isn't it? let go and enjoy the ride. live life boldly..take chances..plan ahead and go at it. be true to yourself.

darn the evil ken..!!