thoughts

sedated weekend.

skipped all nats training. knowing i might now even be able to complete the trainings and i might not be nats team anymore. disappointed and sad. tried so hard to come here and now have to leave it.

should go read up on william blake's pieces. i find them insightful and thought provoking. i especially like auguries of innocence.

the below test. when i saw it i thought to myself i should be utilitarian, and so i am. i know i am such do the best thing i know how to. it does not mean i don't make mistakes or do something wrong..it's just my intentions are such. oh well..nothing really stands out..probably cause i am quite mixed about morality and not conforming to one rule. instead more like a fusion of a few ideas and concept of what is right.

i believe many of the basis for your life's philosophy can exist at the same time. though of course there are some which will be opposites or close enough that they cannot exist in one person. example, believing in God does not mean you cannot be a kantian. but that would mean you are not totally a kantian and would disbelieve about some of kant's concepts.

another thing i would like to bring up is that doing what is good may not be the right thing and vice versa. define good as make people happy and well. right as follow rules and laws and commandments. easy to s@@ that it may not always be parrellel. but then people might not defien it such and therefore arguable.

sleep pattern all screwed..again..haha.. i mentioned to some that i would be best suited to days of 30 hours. sleep6 wake12 sleep4 wake8.. i always do that. and now 0630..nothing much to do. there's just this period of time that i cannot sleep..unless i am really tired. not everyday i can be that tired. oh well..will try to adjust again.

patience..waiting. my life now is now consisting of waiting for things to happen. doing what i can..what i should. more to come depends on others. my strong point and also my mistake, mayhaps. endure. persist. overcome.

[jam 5:8] be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.

'wishing you were somehow here again...
wishing you were somehow near...
sometimes it seemed if i just dreamed,
somehow you would be here...
wishing i could hear your voice again...'-Phantom of the Opera