changes

i am very much changed.

no idea if anyone feels it? or s@@ it or knows it. but i feel much different from who i was 2 months ago.

to believe in something again. to believe and trust and let my life be guided by anything other than my mind and myself. it was weird..but now it feels so right. easy and simple. to walk with the Lord again. to look him in the face and thank him for all i have become.

used to be quite pagan. doing scryes and tarots and feeling for spirits and energies. now i lost most of what i used to be able to do. slightly off balance now. heh. but guess it's alright. used to feel the connection witht he tarot decks i used. now no feeling at all, even the familiar cards. no longer able to scrye things in meditation, in dreams. now all i get is blank when i try.. it's like putting away lots of things when i start to look at Him again. slightly weird, but understandable. though i expect to re-learn them again when i am stronger in faith. somehow i feel as if i am to know such. but then i don't know what the Lord have in store for me.

now my thought pattern is more calm and clear. less clouded by emotions and pain. less anguish..usually. hehe..still lots of zeal about injustice around me. anyway, slightly happier, slightly calmer. think better, think slower though..maybe i am just getting old..haha..

no idea why but feeling good. nothing to feel good about actually.
shooting badly.
cannot train due to injury.
not clear about short term plan now.
no idea about what's to come next for what i am concern about.

but feeling alright..so just be.

2cr 13:11
finally, brethren, farewell. be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.

'calm the storms that drench my eyes
and dry the streams still flowing
casting down all the waves of sin
and guilt that overthrow me

if i can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the crashing waves
lift me up so high that i cannot fall - lift me up'-Jars of Clay