giving it up

after much delibration, i decided to let it go.

given a chance at something else. which i know i can be quite good at. good chance with good prospects in time to come. give up my dream. couldn't sleep for sOoo..many nights cause of this decision. even though i know it's the prudent thing to do and probably a good thing for me no matter what i decide to do in the future, it is devastating for me.

last time whenever i think about it, i will just start to cry. yes i am emotional. it is a big BIG part of my life. almost the only thing i live for for some times in my life. though now i am more stable and feel better about things and having more faith, it is still a major turning point for me. i trust that GOD have led me in the right direction and trying to do otherwise will lead to misery.

the below test..let me mention some stuffs..i know stuffS is wrong..but stuff and more stuff..therefore stuffS!!=)
highs are..
'peter-pan complex'-want to stay young..haha..that's me..
'intellectual'-hmm..i hope so..
'cautiousness'-over cautious, i am.
'physical security'-i simply..don't care at all.=)
lows..
'hedonism'-i don't like pleasure?? hmm..
'wealth'-i don't like money?? ermm..ok la..enough is enough..but how much is enough??hehe..
'food indulgent'-i don't like good food??this is off. totally.

anyway..hope i can get on well. something else bothering me. but patience i guess. i hope i pray. it's all heart for me. i don't need much. just let me know..anyway it goes. please.

treasure the love you receive above all. it will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished. - Og Mandino

[Proverbs 3, 5-6 ], trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths.

all i have is given. all i can i do to my bestest knowledge. the rest is up to you my lord. lead me to wherever you please.