how do we survive day after day..
feeling all empty. like a big gaping hole right smack in the middle of me. as usual no tears to weep. no cry to wail. just a mask full of emptiness. tomorrow? we'll see.
what do i need? what do i want? ha ha. god mode. unlimited ammo. aim-bot. haha. i too want to know what do i need. someone to love me and care for me as i care for others? money to ease my woes which are financial? boost of confidence to let me soar to greater heights? tell me if you find out.
wept the other night. saw picture of who-was-once-my love. did not realise how much i miss her. her complains of my lifestyle and her loving me with all she got. we gave all we had and still it's not enough. grind-teeth and hold back tears.
was happy for a few hours. saw a good friend whom i really like to hang out with. nearly the same as before. i am saddder. she's more tired. maybe we don't want to move on, just want to stay young and have fun and leave troubles behind. but once i see her eyes. i knew, things are not as before. we have grown. maybe a little. but still, things are same and slightly different.
can someone talk to me and bring out my inner self. to let me know me. please. let me weep and wail and let the little boy out. let me lose myself and find me again. i cannot stand being like this.
again, now-ken
ken, now. again. tomorrow, ken?
'someone told me, love would all save us..but, how can that be. look what love gave us.'-Chad Kroeger
2 comments:
Man Ken - this is rough - I'm so sorrry you're feeling blue. :-( Hang in there.
Sorry to break it to ya. Love aint enough brother. Love is no more than an emotion that kicks start something special between 2 people, after that its all about committment, understanding, accepting unconditionlly and respect. Love would then become a bonus to make all these requirements easier to fulfil. Love aint enough, love aint easy. The greatest want could be to love someone and be loved in return perhaps. Unfortuntely, to love and be loved one by one same person, one cannot actively go out in search for it. It will hit you like an epitomy, if only you open your eyes and your heart to realise it.
You know what you need? You need to unconfuse yourself and figure out what is it you really want. Money? Love? Confidence? Success? Which do you want more? Which do you need rather than want? Although all these somewhat go hand in hand but solve each mystery one by one.
Things always change, people even more so.
I hope you find that special person who can bring out your inner self, that someone who you can open up to. Even if people are willing to help you, are willing to show you who you truly are, are YOU willing to allow them to show yourself to you? Sometimes the person that stops you from knowing yourself is actually you. Maybe? Maybe not? Do I know you well enough to say all this? Do I have the right to say all this?
Having said all this, does it matter? Does it matter to you? Would you think about what is said? I do not know. You are miles away, far from my sight. What I say here today maybe of no consequence but I write it in the hopes that I am of some help.
Take care stranger
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