first blood

weird that i am doing this. never thought i would do this. but here i am blogging. darn. oh well. let's go!

days have been quite bad these few weeks. shooting gone bad, job gone bad, family still as bad..what am i to do? nothing. nothing i can do. just endure. life is such isn't it. when it spirals down we endure, when things are looking up, shit falls on your face.

anyway. this will be plain simple complains from me about my life. life is too short to keep problems in me. most of us would only want to be happy right? so letting the unhappiness out is a good thing. i think? so here i am doing that.

feeling a whole f**king mix of emotions lately. no idea it's affecting my shooting or my shooting affecting it. probably both ways. it sucks. feeling down, angry, sad, crazy, sometimes happy(not happy, but as in cheerful-outlook-with-damn-emotions-inside), pained and all kinds of other crap. been trying to get things done, but ball is not on my court, so to speak/type/whatever. training hard for shooting, but things go up and down, 'worse than i can ever imagine'.that's a fucked line if you ask me. anyway, nothing seems to go right these days. but me being me, holding on, still caring for friends, for family, over-extending my capabilities emotionally, mentally, financially, physically and whatever other-lies there are around. my ex would kill me to know i am still ike that. maybe that's why she is my ex. heh. miss her some. miss my other friends some. miss those who have gone to better place. leaving us the un-fortunate to be alive and living and dying every moment. am i positive or am i just stubborn? no idea, but i'll keep going on and on. long after i should stop, i keep going on.

me, ken ang, ismail wahib aziz, de arris, mad koach, sportsman, archer, friend.

'show must go on...inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be faded.. but my smile still stays on..' - Queen.