i fell.
from my bicycle. was out buying snacks and sweets for my mom, for her trip to malaysia. as i was on my way back, phone rang, ken pick up with right hand, left hand crossed to hold handle bar, kid ran in front, ken turned away from kid, ken fell, kid ran away. skilled, pro-ness all acted out in a short few seconds of precision orchestra.
today was fine. fine in more ways than one. finely delicate, balanced. feeling..no idea how i am feeling now. dream, but losing psyched-up-ness. holding on, but losing will. want to do things but no longer looking ahead. as in extremes of feelings and thus balanced. in a wal.
rested today. finally after more than a month of shooting and coaching non-stop, today i did nothing. went to the range and helped people with their equipment and shooting. range felt out of place, no longer homely as before. maybe i'm tired, maybe i'm chasing something unattainable and losing direction.
have i been helpful to people? have i picked people up from dispair? have i been an angel to others? have i ever been someone's light to shine in the darkness? can someone be mine? can someone help me? push me along, help me up when i'm down, light my road so i know where i'm going? even if there is someone who will..can i accept it? knowing me, i cannot. stubborn, paraniod, eccentric, weird-ass-thinking. what am i to do with myself? haha..only i can answer that, or can i even?
kind of good day today factually. hanging out with friends, helping them. my kind of thing. many things happening in my life which i don't want to bother about actually. but some i must, some i can't help myself. me. always saboing myself.
extremist-ken
in extremes, but yet balanced.
'downpour on my soul..splashing in the ocean, i'm losing control..dark sky all around, can't feel my feet touching the ground..'-Jars of Clay
1 comment:
You have been helpful today, and the day before and probably long before that even, you have been helping everyone you can and everyone who needs your help. You have been an angel to many, an advisor to almost everyone and a great friend to all.
Even if someone is willing to accept you for all that you are and wants to help you, to be there for you and can do so, your biggest hinderance is your own self. That is a barrier only you can pass through, a barrier only you can chose to break through. And you have choosen.
You can succeed, you can make your dream come true. And I know that you want it to come true. Believe in youself. There is more than one person who believes you can do it all.
Also. Love yourself as you would love others. Please don't hurt yourself. Protect yourself from yourself.
Sorry
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