block

tired and lots of things on mind..

like trying to do things..but not sure what and how..hmm..trying..

sometimes i really hate people. sometimes.

thank God for everything good and bad that makes me who i am. and showing me who i can be and who i should not be.

gardening

our bodies are our gardens to which our wills are gardeners.
-William Shakespeare

my garden is well..how's yours?

not too bad i guess..

I AM
70%
OPTIMUS PRIMETake the Transformers Quiz

boy

i feel much like a helpless little boy. i cannot get what i want. sometimes i don't even know what i want. all i know is that it's close yet far and here yet absent.

i want something more than this. i want to able to do what i want and do them well. been trying so hard but all seems too far away still. the journey have been enriching and i have become something i want yet not my top priority..

the future scares me. i don't want to lose anything but yet if i keep holding what i have, i'll never have what i want to have. growing can be painful. and i have to grow to reach the future i want.

i need support from those around me and need those around me to understand it's not easy for me. everyone is different and this thing is not easy for me.

i want to be able to find what's best for the situation and i think i may have think too much. oh well. figure it out.

a little bit
under pressure
it's the terror of knowing
what this world is about
watching some good friends
screaming let me out!
pray tomorrow takes me high high higher
pressure on people
people on streets

turned away from it all
like a blind man
sat on a fence but it don't work
keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
why why why?

(love, love, love, love)

insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
can't we give ourselves one more chance?
why can't we give love that one more chance?
why can't we give love give love give love?
give love give love give love give love give love give love?
cause love's such an old fashioned lie
and love dares you to care
for the people on the edge of the night
and love dares you to change our way
of caring about ourselves
this is our last dance
this is our last dance
this is ourselves

under pressure
-Queen

Holiday

say, hey!

hear the sound of the falling rain
coming down like an armageddon flame (hey!)
the shame
the ones who died without a name

hear the dogs howling out of key
to a hymn called "faith and misery" (hey!)
and bleed, the company lost the war today

i beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
this is the dawning of the rest of our lives
on holiday

hear the drum pounding out of time
another protester has crossed the line (hey!)
yo find, the money's on the other side

can i get another Amen? (Amen!)
there's a flag wrapped around a score of men (hey!)
a gag, a plastic bag on a monument

i beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
this is the dawning of the rest of our lives
on holiday

(hey!)
(say, hey!)

"the representative from California has the floor"

sieg heil to the president gasman
bombs away is your punishment
pulverize the Eiffel towers
who criticize your government
bang bang goes the broken glass and
kill all the fags that don't agree
trials by fire, setting fire
is not a way that's meant for me
just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

i beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
this is the dawning of the rest of our lives
i beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
this is the dawning of the rest of our lives

this is our lives on holiday
-Greenday

quote

i like your Christ, i do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
-Mohandas Gandhi

are we guilty?

individual

"if a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
-Henry David Thoreau

my guitarr lies bleeding in my arms

if i have a guitar

misery likes company, i like the way that sounds
i've been trying to find the meaning, so i can write it down
staring out the window, it's such a long way down
i'd like to jump, but i'm afraid to hit the ground

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope, i got nothing to say
life is feeling kind of strange, since you went away
i sing this song to you wherever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms

i'm tired of watching TV, it makes me ant to scream
outside the world is burning, man it's so hard to belive
each day you know you're dying from the cradle to the grave
i get so numb sometimes, that i can't feel the pain

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope i've got nothing to say
life is feeling kind of strange, it's strange enough these days
i send this song to you, whoever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms

staring at the paper, i don't know what to write
i'll have my last cigarette-well, turn out the lights
maybe tomorrow i'll feel a different way
but here in my delusion , i don't know what to say

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope i've got nothing to save
and i can't fight the feelings buried in my brains
i send this song to you, whoever you are
as my guitar lies bleeding

i can't write a love song the way i feel today
i can't sing no song of hope, there's no one left to save
and i can't fight the feelings, buried in my brains
i send this song to wherever you are,
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms
as my guitar lies bleeding in my arms

-Bon Jovi

海阔天空

今天我 寒夜里看雪飘过
怀着冷却了的心窝漂远方
风雨里追赶 雾里分不清影踪
天空海阔你与我 可会变 (谁没在变)

多少次 迎着冷眼与嘲笑
从没有放弃过心中的理想
一刹那恍惚 若有所失的感觉
不知不觉已变淡 心里爱 (谁明白我)

原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由
也会怕有一天会跌倒
背弃了理想谁人都可以
那会怕有一天只你共我

仍然自由自我 永远高唱我歌走遍千里
-Beyond

now

what?

i'm just shit. nothing goes right. nothing comes right.

i'm tired. i'm feeling so dead end. i have enough.

God, protect them and guard them. please.

i'm only me. i'm like this. i try to be better..but i'm still me.

who am i?

i'm a monster now. some useless shit head stupid nonsensical retarded monster.

forgive me.

missing

i could stay awake just to hear you breathing
watch you smile while you are sleeping
while you're far away dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure

don't want to close my eyes
i don't want to fall asleep
cause i'd miss you baby
and i don't want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i'd still miss you baby
and i don't want to miss a thing

lying close to you feeling your heart beating
and i'm wondering what you're dreaming
wondering if it's me you're seeing
then i kiss your eyes
and thank God we're together
i just want to stay with you in this moment forever
forever and ever

don't want to close my eyes
i don't want to fall asleep
cause i'd miss you baby
and i don't want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i'd still miss you baby
and i don't want to miss a thing

i don't want to miss one smile
i don't want to miss one kiss
i just want to be with you
right here with you, just like this
i just want to hold you close
feel your heart so close to mine
and just stay here in this moment
for all the rest of time

don't want to close my eyes
i don't want to fall asleep
cause i'd miss you baby
and i don't want to miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i'd still miss you baby
and i dont want to miss a thing

don't want to close my eyes
i don't want to fall asleep
i don't want to miss a thing
-Aerosmith

easy

leaving is easy. when you are hurt.

dying is easy. when you are troubled.

quitting is easy. when you don't want to try anymore.

i'm tired. feel so drained. like everything is just useless. pointless.

passion is not there. only reasons to quit at every turn. why start in the firstplace?

if you cannot find yourself and what you want, then who are you?

i know myself better and know what i want..but still here and fucked up. yay me.

dance

i hope you never lose your sense of wonder
you get your fill to eat
but always keep that hunger
may you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
i hope you still feel small
when you stand by the ocean
whenever one door closes, i hope one more opens
promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
i hope you dance
i hope you dance

i hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
never settle for the path of least resistance
living might mean taking chances
but they're worth taking
lovin' might be a mistake
but it's worth making
don't let some hell bent heart
leave you bitter
when you come close to selling out
reconsider
give the heavens above
more than just a passing glance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
i hope you dance
(time is a real and constant motion always)
i hope you dance
(rolling us along)
i hope you dance
(tell me who)
i hope you dance
(wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(where those years have gone)

i hope you still feel small
when you stand by the ocean
whenever one door closes, i hope one more opens
promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
dance
i hope you dance
i hope you dance
(time is a real and constant motion always)
i hope you dance
(rolling us along)
i hope you dance
(tell me who)
(wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
i hope you dance
(where those years have gone)

(tell me who)
i hope you dance
(wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(where those years have gone)
-Lee Ann Womack

i don't give up. i want to be on my feet when chance comes. i want to dance. with someone else.
believe. don't be afraid to dance and fall.

i don't understand

why giving up is likethe first option for so many people.

it's like..there's always a better choice. just go.

i'm like just a stupid me. haha.

half a bottle of chivas is good for your depression..!

no one

i am just another no one in the world.

tired.

depressed.

suicidal.

who cares? no one. good.

why does it torments me so..? caring is such a trap. disappointment is sure to come.

no one understands. or no one cares and bother.

oh well..screw it.

recent times

back from taiwan trip. pretty fun and relaxing. just too bad about my over-sight, abit sian about it. but..too bad.

been rather busy, as usual. trying to get things done. doing things that i want, hoping to be who i want to be.

lots of complains about the world in general, but over shadowed by the good thigns i have. sOo..i'll leave them out.

things happen as they happen. we..go on.

the Lord giveth..the Lord taketh away.

treasure what we have now, before we lose it. one way or another. eternity is not for mortals. i think probably no human can truely comprehand infinity and eternity. i think.

anyway..i'm pretty happy with life in gerneral. want to be more and get more, but that'll take time and a change in lifestyle. soon enough. as many tomorrows, as the Lord gives, with you.=)

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. PSA 23:5

from casey's..again.

life in general

it doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
i want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

it doesn’t interest me how old you are.
i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

it doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
i want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow.
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals,
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

i want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

i want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own.
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.

it doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
i want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own self.

i want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
i want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday,
and if you can source your life from our Creator’s presence.

i want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, “yes!”

it doesn’t interest me where you live or how much money you have.
i want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.

it doesn’t interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
i want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

it doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
i want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

i want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

life..is not that simple anymore. but there are time, for all of us i believe, to want to be free and true, especially to ourselves.

when we can be with ourselves, truely..then we live more fully.

these days

jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
from a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
his momma said he was crazy - he said momma i've got to try
don't you know that all my heroes died
and i guess i'd rather die than fade away

these days been busy with..alot of somethings. little bit here and little bit there. all my time taken up.

we have, but one lifetime here. do what we want and what we can, else all goes away darn fast.

trying for alot things that i want. doing what i can. finding what i can not enough. going to burn more i guess. try harder. try more.

pretty much satusfied with what i have now. have to build up for more, for the future. work work work. think of what else i can do to make thigns better.

for dreams of better tomorrows. =) with someone else..

that's it for now..not much of an update. but not much inspiration. whenever i think to blog it's all complains about how retarded peoplea re around. sOoo..shall not do that.

leap

"faith certainly tells us what the senses do not, but not the contrary of what they see; it is above, not against them."
-Blaise Pascal

those who experienced is, knows.

Raymond Chandler

if i wasn’t hard, i wouldn’t be alive.
if i couldn’t ever be gentle, i wouldn’t deserve to be alive.

balance.