contemplations

life's been good. or something like that.

nothing bad happened..i think. just work. coaching and TM stuff. nothing bad. nothing much, really.

friends, been pretty alright. nothing big. still caring. still hanging. still chilling.

what's wrong with life like this? is there anything wrong?

perhaps lacking a direction. in aspects of life where there seems to be no growth, there's a lack of desire to do well, better. things are just..fine. if things are bad, means it can be better. can be improved. if things are good..things are good. but now things are like 5/10..which is ok/fine, but seemingly dull. perhaps it's internally that's lacking direction and drive to excel and grow.

plans in the coming year. save up for coaching lvl 2. perhaps a sports related dip/deg, depending on the cost. continue coaching, perhaps stop being TM, try to get back to shooting competitively.

plans in the long term. _dea. trying out to see how far i can go in two directions already..career wise. what else do i need? what else do i want?

perhaps i don't show it much. i really miss having somebody around, to be special. to share life, to support each other, to be able to understand each other and try to decide what's best for each other. i guess it's been under lying for a long time..just that there's nothing i can do about it..it's intangible..it's not up to me.

all i can do..hope..and pray. that God have install for me, someone special in my life to come. but whatever the case, i'll do what i do and let things come as they come.

just being more emotional than usual. cause i am stressed. about things. work. bah.

i will survive..but i am not happy at all.