dead man walking

so much may go on inside a person's head. who really knows..

back from thailand. the trip was so many things. fun, tiring, sad, exciting, lovely, challenging, eye-opener.. .. alot of emotions this trip. alot of things went on in my mind while i went about things. helped people. made things alright, i hope.

shooting was alright. not as good as i hoped, but well, i'll get back to it.

i really want to ask. to pursue till i know what is happening. really want to care, to love, to be there. but i think it better for me to stay aside while things go on. i worry, i bother, i think, i care. but everyone have to face their own problems. i'll be here to catch if you need. remember me.

feeling totally empty. just like when she left me. so damn difficult. i think i am falling, deeper. i will go to work, go to coach, go to shoot and continue to care and take care of everyone else. for dreams of better tomorrow? though i know it's the same and will be the same. cause the truth is there in front of my eyes, yet i go on in this direction.

no mood to do anything actually. want to break down again. to break off from everyting. in bangkok, i think i had few worries compared to back home, so i was happier. and of course had really good time with the few people i really hanged out with. really wacky and totally fun.

i think i passed the point of no return. where there is no way out for me. unless someone let's me out. only hurt remains. till someone take me out. i feel too weak to get out alone.

pass-ken
passed by, ken.

'wishing you were somehow here again...
wishing you were somehow near...
sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here...'-Phantom of the Opera