mecha love

remember in days gone past
i spied you through a wall of glass
and there you were, kicking my heart back and forth.
but now your not so tough.

you wanted the world
you wanted it all
you wanted the world
you wanted it all
you wanted the world
you wanted it all
you wanted the world

so here it is, the planets cried.
we'll rip the still sky.
make way when walls collide.
i know what heart but still will reconcile your mecha love.
you hold your thought so tall
you think you've got it all

you won't break my armour
i will never surrender

take a walk
so this is the last stand
so this is your last chance
so this is your last

you wanted the world
you wanted it all
you wanted the world
you wanted it all

as i ready for war,
my exoskeleton,
i'm not a passenger, i am the carrier.
i know this vessel will withstand i love your mecha love
i've got you figured out
i've got you figured out

you wont break my armour
i will never surrender

take a walk
so this is your last stand
so this is your last chance
so this is your last

you wanted the world
you wanted it all
you wanted the world
you wanted it all

so this your last stand
so this is your last chance

take a walk
so this is your last stand
so this is your last chance

take a walk
so this is your last stand
so this is your last chance

- Hadouken!

Mecha Love (Album Version) by hadouken

i usually don't like this type of music, but this is simply awesome.

absolutely no good

the true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
— Samuel Johnson

all boxed in

one aspect of this is that rationality of thought imposes a limit on a person's concept of his relation to the cosmos.
-John Nash

men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence -- whether much that is glorious -- whether all that is profound -- does not spring from disease of thought -- from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect.
-Edgar Allen Poe

do you dare to get out of the box..?

waste of time

all blame is a waste of time. no matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. the only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. you may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
-Wayne Dyer

broken

dreams and lives.

i cannot bring words out properly to say how i feel. i was busy and tried to hold it in but there are times when i just needed to let it out.

she was such a bubbly and intelligent person. so full of life and potential.

i really feel so sad. i just keep thinking of how she and her friends will talk to me and disturb me for stuff.

how fragile life is.

dear God..

Psalm 8

1 O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.

2 out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

3 when i consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

4 what is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

5 for thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honor.

6 thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet:

7 all sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;

8 the fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas.

9 O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!

queen

it's the terror of knowing
what this world is about
watching some good friends
screaming 'let me out'

pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
pressure on people - people on streets
turned away from it all like a blind man
sat on a fence but it don't work

keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
why - why - why ?
love love love love love

insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
can't we give ourselves one more chance
why can't we give love that one more chance
why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love

'cause love's such an old fashioned word
and love dares you to care for
the people on the edge of the night
and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves

this is our last dance
this is ourselves
under pressure

-Queen, Under Pressure

fly

a man who has no imagination has no wings.
- Muhammad Ali

we can only achieve what we can dream of.

difference

if a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
-Henry David Thoreau

we are all different and let's be tolerant about it.

fuck my life

i cringe when people use this phrase. it's seemingly inane. things will pass and everything won't be much different. usually.

i say..fuck my life.

can't sleep. studies plan screwed up. monitor down. money all not coming in yet. lousy piece of shit of an association in singapore. lousy piece of shit at home rotting. friends all gooing somewhere and i'm still here. rotting. fuck. my. life.

i don't even feel like crying. i just want to lay down and die. fuckgetit. this is too much bad shit. what is it worth?

zen

without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. but unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.
-Shunryu Suzuki

note to God

if i wrote a note to God
i would speak what's in my soul
i'd ask for all the hate to be swept away
for love to overflow

if i wrote a note to God
i'd pour my heart out on each page
i'd ask for war to end
and for peace to mend this world

i'd say
i'd say
i'd say

give us the strength to make it through
help us find love, cause love is overdue
and it seems like so much is going wrong
on this road we're on

if i wrote a note to God
i'd say please help us find a way
end all the bitterness, put some tenderness
in our hearts

i'd say
i'd say
i'd say

give us the strength to make it through
help us find love, cause love is overdue
and it looks like we haven't got a clue
need some help from you

grant us the faith to carry on
give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
cause it seems like so much is going wrong
on this road we're on

no
no

We can't do it on our own

so
so

(give us the strength to make it through
help us find love, cause love is overdue)
and it looks like we haven't got a clue
need some help

grant us the faith to carry on
hope when it seems all hope is gone
cause it seems like so much is going wrong
on this road we're on

no
no
(no)we can't do it on our own

(so)
so

if i wrote a note to God
-Charice

some lines

--------------------------
__________________

ok seriously..


trust men, and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

though this is not true all the time. the reverse treatment will almost always breed negativity and distrust.

religion is for people who fear hell. spirituality is for those who have been there.
-Larry Fricks in Strong at the Broken Places, Richard M. Cohen

which are you?

oasis

today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
by now you shoulda, somehow, realized what you gotta do
i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now

back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
i'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now

and all the roads we have to walk are winding
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding
there are many things that i would like to say to you
but i don't know how

because maybe
you're gonna be the one that saves me
and after all
you're my wonderwall

today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
by now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now

and all the roads that lead you there were winding
and all the lights that light the way are blinding
there are many things that i would like to say to you
but i don't know how

i said maybe
you're gonna be the one that saves me
and after all
you're my wonderwall

i said maybe
you're gonna be the one that saves me
and after all
you're my wonderwall

i said maybe
you're gonna be the one that saves me
you're gonna be the one that saves me
you're gonna be the one that saves me
-Oasis, wonderwall

and all the roads that lead you there were winding
and all the lights that light the way are blinding
there are many things that i would like to say to you
but i don't know how

paths

some we chose. some are placed for us.

as we become older, we have more choices in them. we become more responsible for our future, even as our future becomes more narrow.

been really looking and thinking about what is next for me. not sure if i know where to go and what to do. have some ideas of what i hope to do. have some small steps taken. still quite..unsure.

as i close off some paths, some are opened. God is good.

i do not feel ecstatic about believing in God anymore. i simply do. it's just part of me. i do not show it strongly i think. i just pray and commune when i can. i am the quiet believer. is it enough?

battles

you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
— Margaret Thatcher

so smart this one is.

travel

The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.
-GK Chesterton

empty dreams..

..of sand and fog.

building castles in the clouds of our molding. the value of which we, ourselves, are bound.

our world by which we live life is our own creation. the values and drive that fuels us is our operation boundaries.

we are nothing, that we cannot imagine.

you can leave archery. but archery is in your veins, it never leaves you.

it pushes you to be more. to be better. to do what makes yourself better.

archery loves you.

no country for old men

a man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
-John Barrymore

mood is swinging around like some wicked pendulum. some times i just want to be alone and relax. another 5min down i want to beat someone up. give me another 10..i wish someone would stay with me and just be there and understand.

then i realize, i don't understand myself most times. i don't know why i do certain things or why i want to do what i want. i just want to. just feel like it.

attempts to modulate my moodiness is not really working. i can be seemingly fine, when i got to do my work. but once that is over, i get all confused inside again. what's with these!?

i'm unhappy with a lot of things. things i can do and cannot help. things i have no choice about. people i have around sometimes just pisses me off.

i am tired of these shit. i cannot stand people. i don't like crowds. i don't like groups. i just wish i could be somewhere with ALOT less people.

many things that i think that should be, isn't. all the things i hope to be, ain't happening. tired of trying. tired of going at it again. there don't seem to be a point.

the world have changed to be a stranger place than i can fathom.

india and back

delhi..new place for me. it's interesting. the physical locations. the way things are arranged and built and how the city is currently. the people..well, i can say they are people. not as bad and not as good as others. food was interesting. not too bad. grown to appreciate the spices.

dusty. dry. confusing. old. random. income gap.

i missed home while i was there.

now that i am home. i wish home was better. loud motors. retarded people.

i quite hate the way things are now. seems like only drastic actions can break me out of this cycle. i don't know.

trying to take things easy and do what i need to do. see how things turn out.

fuse getting shorter. moody.

one rant away!

growth

the need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. it is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.
— Edward de Bono

being able to grow is to make some mistakes and falling some of the time to learn new skills and test new ideas.

singapore have become a bad place to grow. pointing out mistakes have over shadowed what is being accomplished. what is wrong becomes more important that what is right or improved.

this kind of mentality have reduced people's willingness to try new things and speak up. have made us all zombies in the machine that is.

we should learn to accept that everyone makes mistakes and remember to encourage people to try new things and learn things on their own. also to experience new activities and test out new ideas.

if not, maybe soon, we will be so behind others that we will always be drones that mindlessly toil away and drudge our life away.

this invisible cage may be difficult to break, or even to acknowledge. but once we, as individuals feel it, we should decide to break out once a while or never at all.

everyone dies, but not everyone really lives.

best in life?

mongol general: Conan! what is best in life?
Conan: to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
mongol general: that is good! that is good.

maybe that's why i feel depressed lately.

not been crushing anyone.
not been driving anyone before me.
or hearing any lamentations of anyone lately.

wicked!

education

the teacher who...is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.
- Kahlil Gibran

in old days, almost every culture values their teachers most. medicine-man, shaman, home tutors for rich families, lore-keepers and so on.

today..teachers are valued too little. we pay them meager amount. we restrict their power to discipline and teach our young. we reduce their work to mere results of a paper test.

the values of a society is reflective in who they pay more to. who they give more power to. today we pay people who play with our money more than those who educate our young. we pay more to those who make us look good than those who teach our young to learn that beauty is skin deep.

what a road we are on.

lost

'please stay who yo uare..please don't disappoint us.'

i don't know where, when or how. sorry.

iIf you are cast in a different mould to the majority, it is no merit of yours: nature did it.
- Charlotte Bronte

what fucking merit? it is of no merit or demerit.

sometimes it's joy other times it's pain. such is life. no more. no less. it's the throw of a dice by a unseen being. you just got to roll with it. some have it easier than others in appearance. but what do you know?

we don't know shit about anyone else.

zen dog

he knows not where he's going,
for the ocean will decide.
it's not the destination..
it's the glory of the ride!
-Edward Monkton

here and now

the world of books is the most remarkable creation of man. nothing else that he builds ever lasts. monuments fall, nations perish, civilizations grow old and die out; and, after an era of darkness, new races build others. but in the world of books are volumes that have seen this happen again and again, and yet live on, still young, still as fresh as the day they were written, still telling men's hearts of the hearts of men centuries dead.
- Clarence Day

the real world is not easy to live in. it is rough; it is slippery. without the most clear-eyed adjustments we fall and get crushed. a man must stay sober: not always, but most of the time.
- Clarence Day

quite some thoughts running in my mind. recurring thoughts and ideas. i cannot yet find the words to put them out. still cannot conceptualize them in the language that others can understand.

life have been pretty normal. work, play, sleep. some good times and some bad. happy times and some sad.

it's good to have friends around who cares enough to just listen and no bother if what you have done is right or wrong..and rather more worried about if you are alright and what you need to get it going again.

feels lonely and alone sometimes. but i know You are there. i can don't feel it, don't see it. but i know it. You are there. You saved me from certain harm and you are here with me.

hate / love

holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
- buddha

i'm not too sure of the quote source..but nonetheless it's at least true in most cases.

not liking someone does not mean you cannot love that person. liking someone does not make you love that person.

like? love? figure it out.

i don't know what it means to anyone else. or myself perhaps.

tired of all these shit.

one punch at a time

i was feeling so down and out these few days..all snow balled from long ago..

been tough to relax and take things easy..so much work and responsibilities jammed into my life..really feel like running away..

been awhile since i attended service. today i went, but left early to do work. but slowly i felt better. i don't know why. i didn't feel connected to the service or anything..but as i do my work, i felt a sense that i can pull through and i just need to do what comes.

i know that. i knew that. but something in me didn't feel it. after today, i felt it more. still unsure and irritated, but i think i can manage.

food fills the body. thoughts fills the mind. prayer fills the spirit.
what fills the heart? love? not always. sometimes it's pain. what indeed..? mercy and grace from God perhaps. but for that..we need to let Him into our hearts.

satellite

are you out there? can you hear me?
do you know my whereabouts?
do you know what i'm all about?
through the static
you're so close, so far away

are you listening? i'm desperate
sendin' out an SOS
cause i'm lost, i must confess
throw a lifeline, i'm down here
drowning in the deepest part of me

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me
are you watching over me tonight?
i need to know you're out there

your lines open and receiving?
you know i got so much to say
i just don't wanna fade away
keep on talking cause you're keeping me alive

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me
are you watching over me tonight?
i need to know you're out there

everybody hurts
everybody cries
everybody needs someone
to save them sometimes

everybody hurts
everybody cries
everybody needs someone
to save them sometimes
save them sometimes

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me

satellite
can you feel me?
satellite
come and heal me
are you watching over me tonight?
i need to know you're out there

satellite
satellite
-Bon Jovi

sad but true

hey i’m your life
i’m the one who takes you there
hey i’m your life
i’m the one who cares
they, they betray
i’m your only true friend now
they, they’ll betray
i’m forever there

i’m your dream, make you real
i’m your eyes when you must steal
i’m your pain when you can’t feel
sad but true

i’m your dream, mind astray
i’m your eyes while you’re away
i’m your pain while you repay
you know it’s sad but true, sad but true

you, you’re my mask
you’re my cover, my shelter
you, you’re my mask
you’re the one who’s blamed
do, do my work
do my dirty work, scapegoat
do, do my deeds
for you’re the one who’s shamed

i’m your dream, make you real
i’m your eyes when you must steal
i’m your pain when you can’t feel
sad but true

i’m your dream, mind astray
i’m your eyes while you’re away
i’m your pain while you repay
you know it’s sad but true,sad but true

i'm your dream,
i'm your eyes,
i'm your pain

i'm your dream
i'm your eyes
i'm your pain

you know it's sad but true

hate, i’m your hate
i’m your hate when you want love
pay, pay the price
pay for nothing’s fair

hey, i’m your life
i’m the one who took you there
hey, i’m your life
and i no longer care

i’m your dream, make you real
i’m your eyes when you must steal
i’m your pain when you can’t feel
sad but true

i’m your truth, telling lies
i’m your reasoned alibis
i’m inside open your eyes
i’m you

sad but true
-Metallica

broken dreams. goals diverted. paths muddled. we all change. sad but true.

world. life. people. society. so disappointing. meh.

do you have a dream?

there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. no one can avoid them. but it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.
— Paulo Coelho

what are you fighting for?

what are you living for?

Zvarri!

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
-William Gibbs McAdoo, 46th United States Secretary of the Treasury

smart dude that one.

learned

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
— B.F. Skinner

it is my opinion that many people in Singapore, maybe the world at large, have failed to acquire an education.

they do things without regard to the well being of their equals. perhaps worse, they do not treat others as equals. many regard animals as free to kill and profit from. they treat the earth as a given resource to exploit, to gain more inconsequential material items. yet, many of these items have no value other than to be a boost their frail ego.

what do they think when others do the same to them in return? some learn to be less intrusive, many do not. many are blind.

if education does not teach one how to operate in the society in a manner that is acceptable, then the society will simply lower it's expectations of what is acceptable. because too many people are doing something, no one is willing to take steps to stop it anymore.

what was not acceptable slowly gains a foothold to be acceptable. no doubt the society is a living state, it will change. it's inhabitants must decide what is and what is not acceptable.

is it acceptable for a primary school boy to walk and throw away wrappings from a toy on the ground? who is there to educate him? the maid? strangers on the street? the cleaner?

is it acceptable for one to ignore traffic signs and squeeze into the yellow box to try to go faster? all while jamming up the entire lane from the other direction?

fine works only if there are people to catch them to fine them. even then, the people may shrug at the low amount of fines.


if the people cannot be educated, what can be done?

we're doomed.

real life

i wish that life was like it is in the movies
'cause the hero always gets his way
no matter how hard it gets on that dark lonely road
at the end he's got a smile on his face
but when they threw me out to the lions
no one saved me as i fell from your grace
and no one wrote me new lines for what i said wrong
what i did wrong i could not erase

this is real life
this is real love
this is real pain that much i'm sure of
these are real tears
these are real fears inside that i can't hide

i wish that i could be your white knight in armor
with an army just to bring you back home
but I'll admit i'm scared of dialing your number
someone else is gonna answer the phone
why can't it be like it is on TV?
when the orchestra plays and you come back to me

this is real life
this is real love
this is real pain that much i'm sure of
these are real tears
these are real fears inside i can't hide
this real life
this real love
these are real wounds I'm bleeding from
and i realize this real

i always thought that our love was a storybook tale
God knows that i never dreamed in the end it would fail

'cause this is real life
this is real love
this is real pain that much i'm sure of
these are real tears
these are real fears inside, i can't hide
this real life
this is real love
these are real wounds i'm bleeding from
when i realize this real...
-Jon Bon Jovi

life don't always give you a second chance.

as we go on

as i go on in life, these days especially, i find myself having more questions.

questions about the society's direction. questions about human's humanity. questions about what exactly one wants and how do you know it is. also questions about 'WHY THE HECK ARE SOME PEOPLE ALIVE?!?!?!?!'

just creating problems for all. just hanging on to shreds of dignity and shooting off from the gaping maw that spews brain dead statements.

it really tests my patience. it really tests my control. if i was 10 years younger, i would rip his face off.

some days i don't want to get up. getting up means facing this torrent of bullshit and holding my face like a statue and doing what's 'professional'. being professional means doing your job and sacrificing some of your self/time to get it done? what does it really mean? where is the heart in doing things? where is the desire for the country? for the greater good and progress of all?

i am too naive. my ideals are not for these crazee times. these times..these crazy times calls for crazy response. but i can't. i have a job to do. i have responsibilities to fulfill. i cannot be myself. i cannot act on what i think. i cannot say what i thunk.

i am tired. tired of this charade. this nonsensical dance of words that leave everyone drained and feeling lost.

God..you have a plan. i believe you have a plan for all of us. right now it's hard for me to see and feel. but i will believe, for i have felt your goodness and not forgotten your grace and mercy.

they don't care about us

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
situation, aggravation
everybody allegation
in the suite, on the news
everybody dog food
bang bang, shot dead
everybody's gone mad

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

beat me, hate me
you can never break me
will me, thrill me
you can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
everybody do me
kick me, kike me
don't you black or white me

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

tell me what has become of my life
i have a wife and two children who love me
i am the victim of police brutality, now
i'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
you're rapin' me of my pride
oh, for God's sake
i look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
set me free

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
everybody allegation
in the suite, on the news
everybody dog food
black man, black male
throw your brother in jail

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

tell me what has become of my rights
am i invisible because you ignore me?
your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
i'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
they're throwing me in a class with a bad name
i can't believe this is the land from which i came
you know i do really hate to say it
the government don't wanna see
but if Roosevelt was livin'
he wouldn't let this be, no, no

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
situation, speculation
everybody litigation
beat me, bash me
you can never trash me
hit me, kick me
you can never get me

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us

some things in life they just don't wanna see
but if Martin Luther was livin'
he wouldn't let this be

skin head, dead head
everybody gone bad
situation, segregation
everybody allegation
in the suite, on the news
everybody dog food
kick me, strike me
don't you wrong or right me

all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
all i wanna say is that
they don't really care about us
-Michael Jackson

insight

how we look at other people's problems and issues determines how we feel about them and how we deal with them.

what can we know about their lives? how can we, anything but, scratch the surface and see only the shell?

am reading dreams from my father at the airport. waiting for a friend to arrive to leave. airport..where lives meet and separate. where people smile and laught. where others cry and despair. reaching out to some who never return. to catch those who finally have their feet planted where it belongs.

airports give me a sense of hope and fear at the same time. with all it brings and all it takes away.

sometimes what we see in others are only the issues that deals with other people. the issues on this earth.

but what about deep down? the issues that no one else knows about..the thoughts that keep one awake and silently pray each night. the unseen fears that drives one to excel where others can see. the dreams that vanishes each dawn. the hurt that cannot be washed away and the tears that doesn't flow anymore.

how about those hopes. those aspirations that reaches even the heavens. the fears that are contained in a even greater possibility. the disappointments that are constantly replaced by even more daring ideas. the reaching out for greatness that begins by reaching inward for strength. the endurance that is forged by daily renewal of hope.

of these, what can we know of a person? what words can describe and what ears can hear, can the heart feel?

who can we truly understand and understand us in return? mere exchange of words will not satisfy. the bond that requires no words and transcends distance.

who do we have in our lives that we have this bond with?

if there is no one on this earth, look to the heavens and feel in your heart.

past year

i have not been up to the standard on the attempt to write more on my blog.

i have not been satisfied to live life as alive as i want it to be.

i have not learnt or experienced enough the past year.

more to come this year.

be strong

i felt my days are not good these days. i complain and get depressed. i think about what i should do and what i want to do.

then i am thrown an article.
http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/64677772.html

reading it i felt that i have been so blessed and fortunate. and i have been selfish. i have been blind-sided and careless. i am humbled.

thank you, Lord. for making me open my eyes and for breaking my heart in a way that makes me love Your people again.

days gone by..goes by..

cannot sleep these days. it's like..i feel tired but yet something is keeping me awake.

feels bothered by stuff..don't really know what. i mean things are not running as i think they should, but that's nothing new. everything in the world is pretty fucked up.

there are people who don't care about the future, don't care about others, some don't even care about themselves and just want to make others hurt. i mean..what is the world coming to? not that i expect everyone to think like me..but there is no logic to their actions that i can see. if it's differing opinion on what is better, how to get it done..i can understand and swallow that, somehow. but when people do things that are outright retarded and it seems to me it's simply an act of psychological masturbation or ego boost or whatever you want to call it, it makes me pissed off much.

i don't really know what i am unhappy about. or what i am bothered by. there are so many little things and a few bigger things. perhaps just feeling that things are not going well. and not chance of it going well anytime soon.

pretty tired and depressed lately. just want to sleep and relax. but nothing entertains me or make me look forward to anything. i don't even feel like reading or playing games. i just sit around and do nothing. read random news and stuff.

lost. try to rest again.

dumb luck

i go through most years without falling seriously sick or terribly injured. that's pretty much luck considering how i don't take care of my diet and do silly shit every once a while.

then i have to fall and take four stitches on my right hand. exit from a cab and fell. dumb luck.

trying to keep body in better shape and eat healthier. i don't want to feel out of breath after climbing stairs.

i can still remember how i can rush everywhere and feel fit like a fiddle. getting older, but not going to just let that get in my way of being fit. got to keep up with my students at least. haha.

it won't be as easy as when i was younger..but still..you know..got to do it.

yeah. luck is for those who are not prepared.

Angel

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah Mclachlan

Sports

Sport is singularly able to give us peak experiences where we feel completely with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our potential.
-George A. Sheehan

Ulsan - Archery Wolrd Championships

news worthy!

singaporean archer rewrites national record at archery wolrd champs..!!

korean archers rewrites world record for 90m, FITA and team total score..!!

few more days to go..!

writing

i think my writing have gone seriously kaput.

when i read my older writings and stuff, it seems as if i could possibly improve on that and be happy.now when i writ anything it feels so difficult to get a good flow and present ideas well. it's like there was something that just allows the words to come and form up nicely that conjures the image that i want to present. i find it hard to do that now.

i have read more and listened more. something else have changed.

maybe i am tired from work. all the paper work and mountains of forms from the ssc is making me dull.

maybe i am just more theoretical and abstract. like i can think and imagine more complex stuff but my vocab and language skills are lacking and is letting me down.

maybe, i just never had it in me to write any better. i just had a few good nights to type out things that i think fit what i feel.

maybe i am just less inclined to put things out in words. it's like, the passion for expressing is not there anymore. i feel it and deal with it. there is less need to put it all out.

maybe i just need to drink more whiskey then start writing..=)

anyway..will attempt to write more and find my style, however good or bad it is. i do enjoy writing stuff and putting ideas into words, just need to get down to it, make it a habit and practice.

even talented people need to practice to sharpen their skills to be a master. much less to say about me without much talent.

mess

my room is a huge mess. so much work stuff all over the place.

my life is abit of a mess. so many thigns to do, so little time. so many choices, so little freedom. so tired..so little peace of mind.

work is..tiring. under paid and over work is the norm in developed countries? other than those high flyers, we the gears, grind and turn and work the machine without much appreciation.

modern life. bleah.

there are things to look forward to..just sometimes other things loom so large that they block out the good things in life. maybe cause i do not know how to see them or to stay focus..?

asking why is pretty much useless. all there is left to ask is 'when'?

polar

extremes.

there are two things i really want to do right now.

1 - sleep. hope i can fall asleep and rest well.

2 - i want to go on a massacre. there seems to be more people getting on my 'if there is no law..' list.

oh well..it's not like i am angry at them. it's just that they are threat to stability of the society as a general thing and that they do not care. if they do not care and use the law to protect them from harm while causing harm lawfully, then it makes me want to do something about it.

anyway..sleepZ.

maybe..

if i wasn't so beat i'll post something more meaningful.

but for now..i need to rest for the long weekend....

ha ha ha..

what a joke. on the forum.

if you know. you know. if not..oh well.

ha ha ha.

reaching for the stars is like reaching for breast.
getting there doesn't means that you'll be welcome.
-asofterworld.com

wow

short trip

had a rather fruitful trip.

both in terms of building myself and relating to others. learned some stuff and hopefully, helped people.

good thing we came back when we did. now all flights grounded and flooded around there.

God provides, guides and shelters.

the troublemaker

the mouth is. or in this age, the fingers as well.

what we say or type can create alot of trouble.

Mat 15:17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?
Mat 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
Mat 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
Mat 15:20 These are [the things] which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

i remember i heard in a sermon we should always watch what we say to others. as our words can heal or can kill. before saying something, think, 'Is it necessary?', 'Will it harm others?'

i think many of us can learn to speak less and think about what comes out of our mouths. for me, i try but still fall short. every night as i take stock, i find that i still say many unfruitful things and even harmful thing.

shall attempt to be more careful. speak things that give aid to others, that adds to people and make us better.

is it too high an aim?

grr

i hate my life. and myself. now.

shit loads of things to do and i am giving up my own things to help others.

i really want a break..but nowhere to be found yet.

will ask for one soon. soon.

we are all children

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQLfJG1hmcM&feature=related

Earth Song - Michael Jackson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqeADZgjtpY

what about sunrise
what about rain
what about all the things
that you said we were to gain
what about killing fields
is there a time
what about all the things
that you said was yours and mine
did you ever stop to notice
all the blood we've shed before
did you ever stop to notice
the crying Earth its weeping shores?

aaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaah

what have we done to the world
look what we've done
what about all the peace
that you pledge your only son
hat about flowering fields
is there a time
what about all the dreams
that you said was yours and mine
did you ever stop to notice
all the children dead from war
did you ever stop to notice
the crying Earth its weeping shores

aaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaah

i used to dream
i used to glance beyond the stars
now i don't know where we are
although i know we've drifted far

aaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaah
aaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaah

hey, what about yesterday (what about us)
what about the seas (what about us)
the heavens are falling down (what about us)
i can't even breathe (what about us)
what about Africans (what about us)
i ain't even you (what about us)
what about nature's worth (ooh ooh)
it's our planet's womb (what about us)

what about animals (what about it)
turned kingdoms to dust (what about us)
what about elephants (what about us)
have we lost their trust (what about us)
what about crying whales (what about us)
ravaging the seas (what about us)
what about forest trails (ooh ooh)
burnt despite our pleas (what about us)

what about the holy land (what about it)
torn apart by greed (what about us)
what about the common man (what about us)
can't we set him free (what about us)
what about children dying (what about us)
can't you hear them cry (what about us)
where did we go wrong (ooh ooh)
someone tell me why (what about us)

what about baby boy (what about it)
what about the days (what about us)
what about all their joy (what about us)
what about the man (what about us)
what about the crying man (what about us)
what about Abraham (what about us)
what about death again (ooh ooh)
do we give a damn?!?!
-Michael Jackson

Earth is too good for humans.

mind gym

The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field. - Vince Lombardi

life changing

i wish.

life now is just freaking sad. i don't ever get to do what i want anymore.

raged against the 'some person you know'

what the fuck

i hate this shit.

people. people people. people people people.

we are all flawed. can't we just be more accepting and encouraging?

remove the log in your eye before removing the speck of dust in your brother's eye.

well i'm so far away the step that take's on my way home
a king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night
to see through this pay phone
still i run out of time or it's hard to get through
till the bird on the wire flies me back to
you i'll just close my eyes, whisper baby blind love is true
-Jon Bon Jovi

moody

blah blah blah.

angel

spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Sarah Mclachlan

tough enough?

the most important attribute a player must have is mental toughness.
-Mia Hamm

mind games

the mind is a powerful thing and most people don't use it properly.
-Mark McGwire

to be good..

you have to train your mind like you train your body. Bruce Jenner

follow you hom

well you can dig me up a grave
and try and stick me in the ground
well you can tie me to the bed
and try and beat me half to death
but you can never keep me down
well you can stick me in a hole
and you can pray all day for rain
you can shoot me in the leg
just to try to make me beg
and you can leave me there for days

and i'll stay alive
just to follow you home
and i will survive
'cause you're my Mississippi princess
you're my California queen
like the duchess of Detroit
and every city in between
you can slap me in the face
you can scream profanity
leave me here to die alone but
i'll still follow you home
i'll still follow you home

you can make a couple calls
and tell your brothers i'm in town
put a bounty on my head
and tell my parents that i'm dead
and hope to hell i'm never found
you can steal me the keys
to your daddy's Cadillac
you can tamper with the brakes
call it a mistake
and pray i'm never coming back

you can dig me up a grave
and try and stick me in the ground
you can tie me to the bed
and try and beat me half to death
but you can never keep me down

and i will survive
'cause you're my Mississippi princess
you're my California queen
like the duchess of Detroit
and every city in between
you can slap me in the face
you can scream profanity
leave me here to die alone but
i'll still follow you home
i'll still follow you home
-Nickleback

creepy..heh. sometimes i feel exactly that, nothing is going to stop me! sometimes..

wishing..

wishing you were somehow here again..
wishing you were somehow near..
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here..

still like this much.

iris

and i'd give up forever to touch you
cause i know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
and i don't want to go home right now

and all i can taste is this moment
and all i can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later it's over
i just don't want to miss you tonight

and i don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything seems like the movies
yeah you bleed just to know your alive

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
-Goo Goo Dolls

far away

this time, this place
misused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait
just one chance
just one breath
just in case there's just one left
'cause you know,
you know, you know

that i love you
i have loved you all along
and i miss you
been far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i don't see you anymore

on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
'cause with you, i'd withstand
all of hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
i'd give for us
give anything but i won't give up
'cause you know,
you know, you know

so far away
been far away for far too long
so far away
been far away for far too long
but you know, you know, you know

i wanted
i wanted you to stay
'cause i needed
i need to hear you say
that i love you
i have loved you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
'cause i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
'cause i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
hold on to me and, never let me go
keep breathing
hold on to me and, never let me go
-Nickleback

another nicikleback song that grew on me. few more will reach out to me i think..all pretty good. glad that i got the album for someone else. =)

unbelievable

there are some people in Singapore, who wants the government to disclose how and what lead to the arrest of MSK.

for transparency.

if you are one of those. go to a tall building. shout your request to the heavens. then jump. please. thank you very much.

what mar-duh school you come from? which cumpong you live in? what is in your cranial cavity? Or..are you actually a terrorist?

simply unbelievable.

i did not say 'jump down'. i said 'jump'.
if you jumped down and died or suffered any injuries, you can blame your lousy understanding of the English language.

suddenly

i am unhappy.

bah.

the block i stay in..

have become a make out center.

every night that i go running, at least one of the three seating areas will be occupied by couples making out. i really find it strange. i mean it's more often than not different couples.

my block is not that isolated to be blissfully uninterruptable. sOoo..why?

parents conservative?
room shared with brothers/sisters?
exciting?

well..i guess..i'm too old to understand.

woah.

so..the dalai lama said to the hotdog seller, "make me one with everything."

if everyone cared

from underneath the trees, we watch the sky
confusing stars for satellites
i never dreamed that you'd be mine
but here we are, we're here tonight

singing Amen, i, i'm alive
singing Amen, i, i'm alive

if everyone cared and nobody cried
if everyone loved and nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day when nobody died

and i'm singing Amen

Amen i, Amen i, i'm alive
Amen i, Amen i, Amen i, i'm alive

and in the air the fireflies
our only light in paradise
we'll show the world they were wrong
and teach them all to sing along

singing Amen, i, i'm alive
singing Amen, i, i'm alive
(i'm alive)

and as we lie beneath the stars
we realize how small we are
if they could love like you and me
imagine what the world could be

if everyone cared and nobody cried
if everyone loved and nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
then we'd see the day when nobody died
when nobody died...

we'd see the day, we'd see the day
when nobody died
we'd see the day, we'd see the day
when nobody died
we'd see the day when nobody died
-Nickelback

uphill task

“lean into it, you’re letting the thing control you. don’t be afraid of it.”

i may fall. i may fail. i may do badly.

but..the only time i quit is when i decide to quit.

i will do what i can. i will not fail to try.

when is it enough? when i say it is. not when i fail or do badly. not when people laugh at me. not when i still have the desire to go on.

don't be afraid of it.

survey

85% of Singaporean reported feeling stress.

15% have not replied to the survey.

bah

need to explore myself more..strange.

unmotivated now.

Bush hater

yes i am.

just read some news about how Bush administration people are defending against media's portrayal of changes made by President Obama in contrast to Bush's decisions.

so much of it is bollocks!

55months straight of growth? yes, we are feeling to effect of the fucking bubble that was allowed to grow unchecked Mr EX-President.

balanced approach to stem cell research? perhaps, but Obama only said more spending, nothing on the guidelines, yet. which are being looked into by Scientists now. not administrators, not politicians. Scientist, who are going to do the research.

russian politics? yes, you retards always like to piss people off. building your missile defense right at their door step. NO WONDER, Sec. State have to warm up to them now. DUH!

what's good about Bush? that he have left the White House. YES.

don't even talk about 9/11. or the war in Iraq. It's Ee-Raq. Not I-Rack. Mr ex-president. the only link there with terrorist was many years old. WMD? yeah yeah..some 20 years old chem arti shells that they shot at IRAN. Operation Iraq Liberation(OIL). right? opps..it is officially OIF for freedom..oh..ok..

this is why some people in the world hate the US of A. cause some retards, spoil the image. Blackwater. Raytheon. who runs them? what are they doing? how much money have they took from they government and what have they done with those money?

BZZT!!!

blah blah blah

unhappy.
moody.
sianed.
unproductive.
bzzt!

learn.

everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.
-Carl Jung.

bed of roses

heard this at the gym today. seems like yesterday when i first heard it on my brother's CD.

still da shit, man.

sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
trying hard to capture
the moment this morning I don't know
cause a bottle of vodka
is still lodged in my head
and some blond gave me nightmares
i think shes still in my bed
as I dream about movies
they won't make of me when I'm dead

with an ironclad fist I wake up and
french kiss the morning
while some marching band keeps
it's own beat in my head
while we're talking
about all of the things that I long to believe
about love and the truth and
what you mean to me
and the truth is
baby you're all that I need

I want to lay you on a bed of roses
for tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
and lay you down on bed of roses

well I'm so far away
that each step that I take is on my way home
a kings ransom in dimes I'd given each night
just to see through this payphone
still I run out of time
or its hard to get through
till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
baby blind love is true

i want to lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
and lay you down on bed of roses

the hotel bar hangover whiskeys gone dry
the barkeepers wigs crooked
and she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
but I laughed so hard I think I died

when you close your eyes
know I'll be thinking about you
while my mistress she calls me
to stand in her spotlight again
tonight I won't be alone
but you know that don't
mean I'm not lonely
I've got nothing to prove for its you
that I'd die to defend

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
and lay you down on bed of roses
-Jon Bon Jovi

stepping back in time

had my first exam in about 10 years. interesting.

knew i could have done better, but i seem to be in a rush to finish it. that probably showed on the papers and arguments i put forth. bah. missed out some parts that i thought about and knew should have included.

oh well. next paper in a month or so. just pray that this one will be fine. i hope to get above B. i am not sure of what to expect as this is my first in this course and this century.

still too busy in life. cannot settle my things at home and relax.

hope some days will come and i can rest some. much to read and much to do.

please watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vTFesgMkzk&eurl=http://www.techamok.com/&feature=player_embedded

please do not be blind.

meetings

None of us is as dumb as all of us.

pains

whatever you do..DO NOT get your back injured. even if it doesn't kill you or paralyze you, it still hurts like mad. and it impedes your life so much you'd wish you can sleep the whole month away..!!

life is..feeling weird. things are fine and going along. many things happened and still many to come, it just feels weird. i do not feel very motivated or satisfied. i do not like festivities..maybe that's why i feel depressed.

i really do not like crowds. crowds==a massing of stupid people for stupid events/things.

of course there are times that i am part of the said crowds.

blah blah blah blah.. .. .. ..

people. suck shit and die.

naise..

Hawking, known not only for his sharp mind, but his sharp sense of humor, prefers option number three. "Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare," he quickly added: "Some would say it has yet to occur on earth."

first..

singaporean to fall victim to terrorist actions. it is a sad day for me.

i do not know this lady or her family, but as a singaporean, i feel angry and helpless. this could be any number of our country men or women any where in the world. could be your friend or mine. even our family members.

these terrorist, moral-less, cowards, retards!!! you cannot have your agenda fulfilled in a civilised and lawful manner, and resort to killing innocents and making life worse for everybody in the world. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!

you have guns and bombs to back up your arguments and make your demands, simply because you have nothing of value to rely on.

this is not the first in the world and it'll not be the last for singaporeans as well. our world is a sad world these days, a life is only worth as much as a bullet that takes to kill.

because some fucked up guy with some money or persuading power can twist people to do his bidding. if he is so interested in making others matyrs and 'secure' their place in paradise or whatever, why don't this moron go first and save us the trouble.

i'm enraged. i cannot put words out from the thoughts i have in my mind.

what will it take for innocents to be spared from the horrors of other's deranged ambitions?

head..

many pain..many nights..

multiple migraine

balh blah blah..

i don't know..

why the heck.

i mean i know. but i don't know why.

weak willed. perhaps.

parhaps, some people are made to burn.

maybe, i'm just evil. chaotic evil. ok..maybe chaotic neutral.

i don't know. i got to figure this out.

why am i so screwed up?

...

these days

i was walking around, just a face in the crowd
trying to keep myself out of the rain
saw a vagabond king wear a styrofoam crown
wondered if i might end up the same
there's a man out on the corner
singing old songs about change
everybody got their cross to bare, these days

she came looking for some shelter with a suitcase full of dreams
to a motel room on the boulevard
guess she's trying to be James Dean
she's seen all the disciples and all the "wanna be's"
no one wants to be themselves these days
still there's nothing to hold on to but these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days - are fast, love don't last in this graceless age
there ain't nobody left but us these days

Jimmy Shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
from a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
his momma said he was crazy - he said momma "i've got to try"
don't you know that all my heroes died
and i guess i'd rather die than fade away

these days - the stars seem out of reach
but these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the morning train
and there ain't nobody left but us these days

i know Rome's still burning
though the times have changed
this world keeped turning round and round and round and round
these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
but these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the morning train
and there ain't nobody left but us these days

these days - the stars seem out of reach
these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
these days - are fast, nothing lasts
there ain't no time to waste
there ain't nobody left to take the blame
there ain't nobody left but us these days
-Jon Bon Jovi

stars seem out of reach..

sledge hammer

the stress involve in this job peaks suddenly like a sledge hammer to the cranium. not that i know about the hammmer..but well..

stuck here waiting for someone to send a fax to save me from endless waiting.

exchanging mental health for money. yay.

Thank God for good family and friends.

woah..

the problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. we don't know when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being banged..
(www.overheardinnewyork.com)

TO Mr. Lame Ducky Bush

Please shut up and get lost. STOP your bullshit and nonsense!

http://environment.newscientist.com/article/dn15105-bush-rushes-harmful-environment-laws.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news2_head_dn15105