finding me.

not much

thanks to anonymous for the encouraging words. i am trying, but i still find myself doubting. so not really changed and moving on.

it's like there is something wrong with the way i think, i cannot see myself being more and being better, i try, but without that confidence, it's all uphill.

lost too much to believe.

slightly sorted

had a good meeting with my managers to discuss my problems and what i should try to work on and how to be better. they are both very encouraging and understanding, i feel i am letting them down. because i know i am letting myself down.

i can do better. i can do more. i can put in more effort. and all these i have done. and yet i find myself, able to do more. that is what i must do. even though i have nothing to show for it. it's like archery, i can only try to improve myself, my skills, my mental game and my efforts. the results, may or may not show, but if i never hit the road, i am not going anywhere.

there are certainly times when i hate myself. what i have done and not done. what i did to others and now try to be better. it all seems so fake, so forced and so futile.

time is running out..

gah..

where did i go wrong? why are things all so difficult? can somebody please talk to me?